Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society. What you are about to hear is a special general release of the long lost first episode of our Patreon Only podcast, Secrets of the Mysterious Old Radio.
A wicked background buzz in the original recording necessitated a liberal application of noise reduction link, leaving a slight tinny quality in its wake. Which is why this episode languished in the mysterious old vaults for many years before its release.
We present it now for two reasons. First, as a companion to episode 405, the Hat, the Bed and John J. Catherine. And second, as a reminder that if you want to hear more bonus podcasts covering a wide range of audio drama, go to patreon.com themorals and become a member of the Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society today.
And now step back in time to 2018 when your mysterious old hosts first encountered the hat on the bed From Origins of Superstition Secrets of the Mysterious Old Radio.
[00:01:29] Speaker B: Michael, that's not our pilot at the controls.
[00:01:33] Speaker C: It's a monkey. A gorilla piloting our plane.
[00:01:39] Speaker D: We're being fattened up black.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: I fattened up the pigs.
[00:01:46] Speaker D: Margo.
[00:01:47] Speaker E: Look here.
The other is swallowed footprint.
[00:01:51] Speaker C: What would the neighborhood bear for child? A baby.
[00:01:54] Speaker E: No child could walk upright on feet but left these impressions.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: I shall travel with him, take him.
[00:02:01] Speaker C: To the four corners of the earth.
[00:02:03] Speaker B: And show people how well my gorillas seemed.
[00:02:14] Speaker C: Beautiful quality, beautiful tone.
[00:02:18] Speaker F: The Hermes nose of the Maha. Welcome to Secrets of the Mysterious Old Radio a a monthly members only podcast featuring esoteric curiosities from the golden and not so golden age of radio. I'm Eric.
[00:02:32] Speaker G: I'm Tim.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: And I'm Joshua. If you're listening to this, it means you are a member in good standing of the Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society. And this month we thank you with a weird little show called Origin of Superstition. Ironically, little is known about the Origin of Origin of Superstition. In the early 30s, demand for entertaining radio content was growing faster than local and regional networks could create it.
Transcription Company of America, known as Transco, was one of the first companies to offer radio programs for syndication. Many of these shows were 15 minutes in length and featured cultural or historical content like the story behind the song based on a popular newspaper column. And that was the year highlighting social, scientific and political events from years gone by.
[00:03:17] Speaker G: In 1932, Transco offered the first incarnation of Origin of Superstition. These self described short short stories promised to reveal the origin of many of the more popular superstitions. In the premiere episode three On a Match, the host swears that nothing has been added or subtracted and that every detail of the story is true and upon request, can be substantiated. This original version of the show ran until September 15, 1933.
[00:03:42] Speaker F: In 1948, the broadcasters program Syndicate purchased Transco's content for redistribution, including Origin of Superstition. The title was shortened to Superstition and ran for another year. There are no surviving episodes from this version, but we know from a 1949 print ad that the debut episode was the Four Leaf Clover, described as an exciting story of a test pilot and his reliance on a lucky piece.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: In 1952, the show returned yet again, reclaiming the name Origin of Superstition. Most of the existing episodes are from this final run of the show, including the story I chose for today. So let's open the mysterious vault of secrets and listen to a hat on the bed. Originally broadcast June 23, 1952.
[00:04:53] Speaker E: It's.
Sa.
I am Superstition, a God of fear and mystery.
As old as the human race, as young as the latest omen of ill or good luck.
I rule through the imagination and strike terror into the hearts of millions.
You who doubt my power listen to this story.
[00:06:43] Speaker D: Come in.
[00:06:44] Speaker C: Hello, Tom. How's the old boy today?
[00:06:47] Speaker E: Oh, fine, Jerry. Take off your hat, old boy, and sit down while I finish dressing. We'll go out and have a bite of lunch.
[00:06:54] Speaker C: Okay, pal?
Jerry, take your hat off that bed.
[00:06:57] Speaker E: Get it off of there quick before I boot you through the window.
[00:07:01] Speaker C: Well, for the love of Pete, Tom Taylor, you superstitious big egg.
[00:07:05] Speaker E: Yeah.
Anyway, don't ever put your hat on my bed if you prize your health. It gives me the willies.
[00:07:12] Speaker C: Why, Tom, that's just an old superstition that originated way back in 440 BVD when an old Persian general sat on a helmet an orderly had laid on his bunk and spiked himself. Then, to save his dignity any further shocks, ordered that no more headpieces be allowed to rest on anyone's bed.
[00:07:33] Speaker E: Now, that may be true, Jerry, but let me tell you what happened to me once. Then maybe you won't blame me for being so fussy.
[00:07:39] Speaker C: Shoot, boy, I'm a regular radio listener.
[00:07:41] Speaker E: Well, a few years ago I was playing at the Victoria Theater in Montreal one Saturday night, rather late. After the show, I returned to my hotel pretty tired as I had been up until the wee small hours of the previous night and had played two shows that day.
The room was just about as this one is with the same sort of communicating door into the next room and with the bed standing out in the center of the room, just like this. Well, I tossed my hat onto the foot of the bed near the back and then started undressing.
[00:08:12] Speaker C: Well, you weren't superstitious then.
[00:08:14] Speaker E: Wait a minute, will you?
As I was about to switch out the light, a knock came at the door from the next room. I had supposed the door was locked, but before I could reach it to ask who was there, it opened and a slight, pale looking fellow stepped in, asked my pardon for the intrusion and went on to state that he was very nervous and a little lonely. I wondered if I would mind if he just sat down and chatted for a few minutes.
Well, I could hardly refuse, so I asked if he minded my crawling in bed and I indicated a chair there at the back of the bed where he sat down.
We chatted about show business and other things in general. And then he started to explain that he'd been through a lot of financial and financial family troubles and was greatly depressed. Well, poor host that I was, and being dog tired, I slipped off to sleep without hearing the last of his recital.
The next thing I knew, it was broad daylight and I was being rudely shaken by the shoulders.
[00:09:12] Speaker D: Hey, hey, hey, wake up, will you? What's the matter with you?
Come on.
[00:09:18] Speaker E: What?
What do you want?
What's the matter?
[00:09:21] Speaker D: You were asking me? Get up here and do a little talking for yourself. Who's this man you shot and what did you kill him for?
[00:09:29] Speaker E: Man? I shot?
Killed? What are you talking about?
[00:09:34] Speaker D: This man right here on the floor. Shot square through the head, that's what.
[00:09:39] Speaker E: Great heavens above.
I.
I don't know.
I didn't shoot him.
I didn't shoot him. I. I didn't know he was shot. I. I don't understand.
[00:09:50] Speaker D: Oh, you don't, eh? Hey, you. You're the night clerk, ain't you?
[00:09:55] Speaker H: Yes, sir.
[00:09:56] Speaker D: Well, didn't you hear a shot up here anytime during the night?
[00:09:59] Speaker C: No, sir, I didn't.
[00:10:00] Speaker D: Oh, I suppose you were asleep too, eh?
[00:10:03] Speaker C: No, sir, I wasn't asleep all night.
[00:10:05] Speaker D: Yeah. How did you find him anyway?
[00:10:07] Speaker C: Well, you see, officer, it was like this. I. I was supposed.
[00:10:10] Speaker D: I wiped down you. I was asking the clerk.
[00:10:12] Speaker C: Aw, d. Gee whiz. Well, this man on the floor here who was registered as Mr. Wright and occupied the next room through the door there, had left a call for 6am Yeah, I rang his phone at 6 and got no response. I rang for five minutes and still there was no reply. So I sent Joe the bellhop here to pound in the door and awaken Mr. Wright.
[00:10:31] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:10:32] Speaker C: Gee, and did I knock. I hammered until I guess I woke up everybody on this floor except this actor here.
[00:10:39] Speaker D: Yeah, actor is right.
[00:10:41] Speaker C: Well, and then I got scared and ran down to tell the clerk. And we brought a pass key and let ourselves in. Then we saw this door open and looked in here and this is what we found. Yeah, and I hopped on the phone and called the police station. We watched to see that this guy didn't wake up and touch anything.
She whizz. Say, can that bird sleep?
[00:11:01] Speaker D: Okay.
Did you touch that gun or anything in here?
[00:11:04] Speaker C: Oh, no, sir. We didn't touch a thing. Everything is just as weak.
[00:11:07] Speaker D: All right, all right.
Now, you sleeping beauty. What's your name, anyway?
[00:11:12] Speaker E: My name is Tom Taylor, sir.
[00:11:14] Speaker D: Maybe you can tell me whose hat this is clutched in this dead man's hand, huh?
[00:11:19] Speaker C: Why.
[00:11:20] Speaker E: Why, it's mine. But. But.
[00:11:23] Speaker D: Yeah, but what? Come on, come on, tell us what happened. Were you drunk? Were you fighting?
[00:11:28] Speaker E: No, I wasn't drunk and we were not fighting. He. He. He was just sitting there talking.
I.
I must have gone to sleep.
[00:11:36] Speaker D: Sleep? May I? You weren't asleep. You were just out cold in your nice comfortable bed with a dead man on the floor beside you. Pretty hard boiled, I'll say.
[00:11:47] Speaker E: But I didn't know the man, I tell you, I. I never saw him before last night.
[00:11:50] Speaker D: Then why did you kill him?
[00:11:52] Speaker E: I didn't. I didn't kill him. He.
He must have shot himself.
[00:11:57] Speaker D: Yeah, and you haven't a beauty sleep while he done it, eh?
That's too thin, buddy. Come on, we'll put you where you belong.
[00:12:05] Speaker E: But, Officer, let me explain now.
[00:12:07] Speaker D: I.
[00:12:07] Speaker E: He. He just came in and.
[00:12:09] Speaker D: Yeah, I'll say he did. And he went out too, like a light. Come on, get going. You'll have plenty of explaining to do. Get your clothes on and make it snappy. Oh, hang on to that hat, Joe.
[00:12:20] Speaker C: Yeah, all right, Sergeant.
This is a very, very strange case.
Order.
[00:12:31] Speaker D: Order in the court.
[00:12:33] Speaker H: And you still insist, Mr. Taylor, that you heard no shock, that nothing awakened you until the police arrived in the morning?
[00:12:40] Speaker E: Yes, sir, that's right. I heard nothing.
[00:12:45] Speaker D: Order.
Order.
Order, or I'll clear the courtroom.
[00:12:49] Speaker H: Now, Mr. Taylor, how do you account for the fact that the dead man had your hat clutched in his hand when he was found upon the floor?
[00:12:58] Speaker E: My hat was on the foot of the bed, sir. I had thrown it there when I came in. He was sitting right beside it. I suppose he clutched at the bed as he slipped to the floor and got hold of my hat in his dying spasm.
[00:13:11] Speaker H: That's all, Mr. Taylor.
May it please the court.
I submit that this defendant has told a clear and straightforward story without deviation or discrepancy.
The police have been unable to shake his testimony one iota.
No previous connection whatever between the defendant and the deceased has been brought out.
And no homicidal motive has been established.
And incredible as it seems that the defendant could have failed to be awakened by a pistol shot, I ask the court's permission to demonstrate how such a thing is quite possible.
[00:13:57] Speaker D: What is the nature of the demonstration?
[00:14:00] Speaker H: Your honor, I have here in this box on the council table the head of a sheep, which I procured from the slaughterhouse this morning.
[00:14:09] Speaker D: What can the head of a sheep possibly have to do with this case?
[00:14:13] Speaker H: I'll explain, your honor.
We also have the same gun with which the deceased was killed.
Hand me the gun, please, clerk.
Thank you.
With your honor's permission, I shall place the muzzle of the gun tightly against the sheep's head.
So.
And then fire the guy.
[00:14:39] Speaker E: What?
[00:14:41] Speaker C: I object, your honor. I object. This is not direct evidence. This is a trick.
[00:14:45] Speaker E: Order.
[00:14:46] Speaker D: Order.
Order in the court.
Objection overruled.
[00:14:55] Speaker H: The court will note that as the muzzle of the gun was pressed tightly against the head, there was no displacement of air, hence no report.
Even a light sleeper might well have slept through so slight a sound.
Your honor will also note that there are no powder burns outside the head of the sheep, just as was the case with the man who was killed.
[00:15:21] Speaker D: May I see it, please?
[00:15:23] Speaker H: The fingerprints on the handle of the gun were only those of the dead man.
So I am certain your honor will see that the facts are entirely in keeping with the defendant's statements and that this is a clear case of suicide.
[00:15:43] Speaker D: Mr. Taylor.
[00:15:44] Speaker E: Yes, your honor.
[00:15:46] Speaker D: You are to be congratulated, young man, upon having a very intelligent counsel to conduct your hearing.
In other circumstances, you would certainly have been in a more serious predicament.
You are free to go, Mr. Taylor.
[00:16:02] Speaker E: Thank you, your honor.
[00:16:03] Speaker D: Case dismissed.
[00:16:12] Speaker C: Holy mackerel. What a narrow squeak. That was for you, tom taylor, huh?
[00:16:16] Speaker E: You're telling me.
[00:16:17] Speaker C: Well, you should worry about a hat on your bed. Say, if you're going to be superstitious, you should wear a sheep's head on a string around your neck.
[00:16:25] Speaker E: Yeah, I'll keep you hanging around. You're dumb enough for a sheep head, but just the same, keep your skimmer off my bunk. Come on, let's eat.
[00:16:34] Speaker C: Right. O lamb chops for mine, please.
[00:16:42] Speaker E: I am superstition.
You don't believe, do you?
It.
Sam sa.
[00:18:22] Speaker F: That was Origin of Superstition and the episode A Hat on the Bed here on the Secrets of the Mysterious Old Radio, a monthly members only podcast. And this is Eric.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: I'm Tim and Joshua.
[00:18:36] Speaker F: Hello, members only.
And you have just listened to that 15 minute gem from. What year was that again, Joshua?
[00:18:44] Speaker B: 1952.
[00:18:45] Speaker F: 1952.
[00:18:47] Speaker G: I think we've all learned a little something.
[00:18:48] Speaker F: Yes, we have. There's a lot of learning and life changing moments in this.
[00:18:53] Speaker B: My favorite thing is the personification of superstition narrating.
Not only that, but he's a really bad actor. I mean, the personification is superstition.
[00:19:03] Speaker F: So first thing I wrote down when he started talking was I wrote Santa.
Oh, wait, it's superstition.
I was, Yeah, I was getting mixed up. But I do leave milk and cookies for both.
[00:19:16] Speaker B: But he kind of tries to do a pseudo English accent. There's a slight roll to the R's as he's talking and it's, it's a, it's a bold choice as an actor.
[00:19:25] Speaker F: Do you remember the weird old cartoon? I am the Pin Cushion Man, Terror of Balloonyland.
It's a really weird old cartoon.
[00:19:35] Speaker G: Really, really early cartoons.
[00:19:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:37] Speaker F: And they're, they're balloon characters and they're being terrorized by pincushion man. But anyway, Pincushion Man.
There's no way I'm ever going to be able to find this out. But I'm convinced that this superstition guide is pincushion Man. There are people listening right now going, oh, yeah, I know that cartoon.
[00:19:55] Speaker B: Are there, Eric?
[00:19:56] Speaker F: Oh, there's one. There is one for sure.
I am the pincushion mare, Terror of Baloonieland. People hate me. How they hate me. Tickles me. The way they rate me. That's the opening to the cartoon.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: This is the kind of stuff you can expect from its members only podcast to undonate.
[00:20:18] Speaker F: All right, let's talk about this terrible. I mean, did I say terrible already?
[00:20:22] Speaker B: I like that. It takes them like less than a minute to explain the origin of this superstition. And then yet we still have 15 more minutes of this other stuff, which. Did anyone Google Persian helmet when they talked about sitting on it? That's a spiky damn helmet.
[00:20:38] Speaker F: Is that true?
[00:20:38] Speaker B: It's like something out of seven. Is that what would happen if you sat on that helmet?
[00:20:42] Speaker G: Had either of you heard the superstition before?
[00:20:44] Speaker F: That was what I was just going to ask.
[00:20:45] Speaker G: I had.
[00:20:45] Speaker F: You had. I've never heard that. You shouldn't throw a hat on A bed?
[00:20:48] Speaker B: Never. I've never heard this superstition. It's what attracted me to this particular episode because I was like, hat on a bed. I do that all the time. What am I doing wrong? Venus explains my life. This is why I'm doing an old time radio podcast instead of something much more successful.
[00:21:02] Speaker G: My college roommates taught me two new superstitions.
It seems weird to learn new superstitions, but I welcomed them happily into my life. And one was no hats on beds. And there's no shoes on tables.
[00:21:13] Speaker B: Well, that seems like for health reasons. Pretty obvious. Don't put your shoes on the friggin table.
[00:21:18] Speaker F: No, I gotta stop doing that.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: You mean like just leaving, taking your shoes off and setting them on your dining room table? Or are you talking about putting your feet up on a table, rudely leaving.
[00:21:26] Speaker G: Your shoes on a table?
[00:21:28] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:21:28] Speaker B: I can't think of many scenarios in which you would put your shoes on a table.
[00:21:32] Speaker G: It changed my life.
[00:21:33] Speaker F: Flood. Flood.
[00:21:35] Speaker G: Cleaning your shoes.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: Cleaning your shoes.
[00:21:38] Speaker G: Looking at your shoes.
[00:21:39] Speaker B: But I did.
[00:21:42] Speaker G: Showing your shoes to other people.
[00:21:48] Speaker F: Well, yeah. So all those things are now out.
[00:21:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:50] Speaker G: But specifically a hat on a bed meant death, which I always took to be like, when people come over for a funeral, they put your hat on the bed.
I didn't give it a lot of.
[00:22:01] Speaker B: Thought, but I. I did Google other.
[00:22:04] Speaker F: You've been hanging on me too long.
[00:22:05] Speaker B: Or this superstition. Someone traced this back to lice, which seems really obvious that you don't want lice in your bed because it would travel from the hat to the bed. I don't need to explain it anymore. People fundamentally understand lice. There is also someone theorized that static electricity in hats, that early stupid people thought this was like spirits that were in your hat that would go under the bed. That's probably something weird on the Internet. That's not.
[00:22:30] Speaker F: Wait, that's not true.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: Yeah. I like this explanation because it is the most practical one.
Hats are expensive and you don't want to sit on it.
[00:22:40] Speaker F: All of those are better than the Persian one.
[00:22:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:42] Speaker F: By the way, I'm now going to have an improv group called Early Stupid People.
That's a great title. He mentions that that Persian story took place in. What did he say?
[00:22:55] Speaker B: 440 BBD or BBD or BBD. And there's.
[00:22:59] Speaker F: Was he trying to be funny?
[00:23:00] Speaker B: Yes. There's a joke in there that I could not pull out. And maybe your audience, our listeners can pull out that they're your audience too. Yeah, sorry.
[00:23:09] Speaker F: Stop distancing Yourself.
[00:23:11] Speaker B: Well, when they act like this, they're your listeners. Okay.
[00:23:19] Speaker F: So he tells the story of why he doesn't put a hat on his bed, Right?
[00:23:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:25] Speaker F: Okay, so he's telling the story, and then they end up in court. There's a moment where they say, did you guys move anything? And they both say in unison, oh, no, sir, we didn't move anything at all.
Yeah, that wasn't rehearsed at all.
That was the weirdest, weirdest choice.
[00:23:42] Speaker B: I mean, it's very clear that this was intended by the direction and performances to not be taken seriously.
[00:23:50] Speaker F: I can't decide if they're trying to be funny or if it's just terribly written.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: I've heard a couple earlier episodes that are very serious. They're not from this 1952 run. I have not heard more of this later 50s run. And I wonder if they are intentionally having a lot of fun. There are intentional jokes in here.
[00:24:10] Speaker F: Yes, I will give you that.
[00:24:11] Speaker B: Here's what strikes me is that this might have been an earlier script that they redid in the 50s and didn't take it terribly serious because you got Tom and Jerry. The banter between them is really ridiculous and over the top.
And there's this very meta lines, like when Tom's like, let me tell you what happened to me. And Jerry says, shoot, boy, I'm a regular radio listener. You know, like, there's an acknowledgement we're all having fun. It is weird fun. And I don't know if it's funny in the way they intended to be funny.
[00:24:43] Speaker F: It all comes off like they recorded about 30 of these in an afternoon.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: Like some of our podcasts.
[00:24:52] Speaker F: But it does. Doesn't it sound like they were just ripping and reading, ripping and reading.
[00:24:55] Speaker B: The weirdest thing about this entire script, though, is the setup of it. They are apparently actors. They're staying in rooms that have communicating doors, and they just walk right in. It's Tom's room, right? And he just basically says to Jerry, hey, take up your hat and watch me get dressed. I mean, that's kind of like the opening of this whole thing. And then the whole problem that gets him arrested is that a lonely, depressed stranger knocks on the door, and before he can answer, it walks in, he needs somebody to talk to.
And Tom says, I couldn't exactly say no. And of course, I'm like, yes, you could, Tom. This is your private room, and you're getting ready for bed. But instead he's like, do you mind if I just get in bed and you can sit Beside me in this chair and talk.
[00:25:44] Speaker F: Keep going. I want to know. I don't understand what happened next.
[00:25:47] Speaker B: This is bizarre.
[00:25:48] Speaker F: This is where I get lost.
[00:25:50] Speaker B: Then what happens? Essentially what we are led to believe is that this depressed stranger sat there beside Tom's bed talking about how he had these financial troubles and troubles with his family. And I'm assuming it's not in the show that he eventually got to the point that I feel like nobody ever listens to me or cares. And then he looked and realized that Tom had fallen asleep. And then apparently blows his brains out, out in Tom's room, falls over onto the bed in his death spasm, clutches the hat and falls to the ground.
[00:26:17] Speaker F: And that is their evidence that killed him.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: Tom.
[00:26:20] Speaker F: Right. Not the least of which is he's in his room dead. Yeah, it's not about the hat. He's in his room. Right?
[00:26:28] Speaker B: Yeah. And. And Tom has just crawled right into bed and fallen asleep. Just. He's a hard boiled character. It's just apparently killed this guy and gone to sleep.
And no one trusts him because he's an actor.
Right.
[00:26:41] Speaker G: Apparently heavy sleeper as well.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: A heavy sleeper? Yeah.
[00:26:44] Speaker F: Well, no, because they pulled the old head of a sheep gag.
Do you know that sheep's heads absorb bullets and sound?
[00:26:54] Speaker B: Maybe one of the greatest lines ever is, I have in this box the head of a sheep. And the judge is like, oh, here we go. I'll permit it.
[00:27:06] Speaker G: Lawyers establish supremacy.
[00:27:09] Speaker F: Great moment where the other lawyer says, I object.
Stop shooting the sheep head.
I object to the sheep head.
[00:27:21] Speaker G: Every single trial with you is to the sheep head.
[00:27:25] Speaker F: Where are you getting them?
[00:27:27] Speaker B: It's like a shoplifting cage like honor. I have a sheep's head in this box. And I think you'll see that my client is absolutely.
[00:27:34] Speaker F: Oh, Frank, enough with the sheep heads.
[00:27:36] Speaker B: It doesn't matter. It's insider trading. Sheepheads.
[00:27:45] Speaker F: Did you notice that the judge has a toy gavel?
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Guys, the tiny gavel. Guys, seriously, be quiet.
[00:27:56] Speaker B: Ding, ding, ding, ding. It's got to be a lower court that he gets.
[00:28:00] Speaker F: Oh, look what you did.
The Foley on that gavel killed me. You didn't have a piece of wood and another piece of wood that you could have banged together.
Well, I thoroughly want that 15 minutes back.
That's my vote.
[00:28:18] Speaker B: I love this beyond words.
I have honestly heard this like five or six times because what Then why.
[00:28:27] Speaker G: Is your hat on the bed every.
[00:28:30] Speaker B: Time I listen to it? I'm still like, you invited the stranger to sit beside your bed and tell you Depressing stories while you fell asleep and the Sheephead and just the cheeriness between Tom and Jerry as they come in. I just find it delightfully inane.
[00:28:45] Speaker F: Train wreck. Delightful, yeah.
[00:28:47] Speaker B: And I think that people know that this is the most ridiculous script. And I think maybe as a performer, I identify with, like, oh, let's just have fun with this bit of absolute stupidity.
[00:28:57] Speaker G: I feel as if every time one of these projects gets started, they sit down and say, we've got 15 minutes to fill.
[00:29:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:04] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:29:04] Speaker G: What are we gonna do?
[00:29:06] Speaker B: We'll have a minute and a half of music at the top, another minute and a half at the end.
[00:29:11] Speaker F: The thing about the music at the end is not only are they padding out, you know, whatever it was minute happened, it's going on so long, but it also has, like, three fake endings. The music's done.
[00:29:22] Speaker B: You're right.
[00:29:23] Speaker F: And then it starts again.
But Tim was watching me. I had headphones in, and he was watching me to this. So he had no idea what I was listening to. I was laughing because I kept thinking it was over. And then the music kept going, kept going, and I was like, come on, you gotta be done. So, Tim. Yes, it was 15 minutes of padding with the idea of we can kill four of these minutes.
[00:29:46] Speaker G: Then, like, we'll have, like, three minutes of meaningless banter, six minutes of freakishly grotesque.
[00:29:55] Speaker F: Why wouldn't the story be a recreation of the Persian moment? Just recreate him sitting on the minutes.
[00:30:01] Speaker G: Of someone getting their butt impaled.
[00:30:04] Speaker B: You can expand, Google Persian helmets. You do not want to hear the aftermath of sitting on one of those things.
It is brutal or right up your alley. And in that case, don't listen to this podcast.
[00:30:16] Speaker F: Six minutes of it is just a guy going.
[00:30:24] Speaker G: Why would you do that?
[00:30:26] Speaker D: New rule.
[00:30:29] Speaker B: I'm going to keep listening to this regularly.
[00:30:33] Speaker G: You're now on an FBI watch list.
[00:30:37] Speaker F: Wow. They're monitoring this.
[00:30:40] Speaker B: Good.
[00:30:40] Speaker F: That's another listener.
There you have it.
[00:30:44] Speaker B: That he brought a gun into the courtroom, shot at decapitated sheepheads, and won his case.
[00:30:57] Speaker F: Oh, that's a snappy trial, man.
All right, you're free to go.
[00:31:01] Speaker B: Yeah, it's just basically over. Nobody's gonna top this.
[00:31:06] Speaker F: That is, listeners, your secret of the mysterious old radio secret show.
[00:31:12] Speaker B: We hope you enjoyed it. Next time, we will be listening to a BBC production called the Revenge, and I'll give you a little glimpse into this episode. It has absolutely no dialogue, just sound effects.
So until then.
[00:31:34] Speaker E: I am Superstition, a God of fear and mystery.
[00:31:44] Speaker B: I'm the old pit cushion man. Terror of Ballooneyland.
Folks all hate me how they hate me Tickles me the way they rate me.
