The Best and Worst of 2022 Awards

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Um. Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society Society Award show. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Welcome to the mysterious old Radio Listening Society's 2022 award show. I'm Eric. [00:00:24] Speaker C: I'm Tim. [00:00:25] Speaker D: And I'm Joshua. And our award show opening theme was created and performed by our mysterious listener, Brent, aka Vic Valare. Thank you, Brent. [00:00:36] Speaker B: Today we're looking back at the classic and not so classic old time radio stories featured on the podcast in 2022. [00:00:43] Speaker C: Real tally votes from our Patreon supporters and your mysterious old hosts in order to declare a final winner and loser. [00:00:50] Speaker D: At the end of the show, we will present the porky and Mike Loving cup, named after the antiheroes from the quiet Please classic, the thing on the Forbell board, to the very best old time radio selection of 2022. [00:01:06] Speaker B: We will also present the singing Gorilla Medal of Dishonor, named after the ill fated ape. From the dark fantasy disaster spawn of the subhuman to the very worst old time radio selection of 2022. [00:01:20] Speaker C: The nominees, in order of appearance on. [00:01:22] Speaker D: The podcast, are subbasement from lights out a man plans to murder his wife. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling dinosaurs. [00:01:33] Speaker B: Trespassers will be experimented upon. From theater 1030, a horror spoof about a scientist, his sexy wife, an unspeakable experiment being conducted somewhere in the dark recesses of Saskatchewan. [00:01:47] Speaker C: The blind beggar dies from the shadow. The shadow teams up with apple Mary to foil a criminal scheme to take over the city's lucrative panhandling industry. [00:01:56] Speaker D: The case of Clarence Hogan from up for parole, an unexpectedly poignant true crime tale about a repentant cattle wrestler. [00:02:06] Speaker B: The waxwork from suspense, a one man show starring William Conrad as a reporter who stays the night in a wax museum and suffers the consequences. [00:02:16] Speaker C: Kaleidoscope from suspense a disaster leaves the crew of a ship floating in the void of space, where they must come to terms with their imminent debts. [00:02:25] Speaker D: The final problem from the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Holmes and Moriarty confront each other at the Reichenbach Falls. [00:02:33] Speaker B: Never pester Chester from Gunsmoke when outlaws assault Chester. Marshal Dylan takes the law into his own hands. [00:02:42] Speaker C: Statue of Thor from the witch's tale a libertine sculptor takes advantage of a dumb swede and pays the price. [00:02:49] Speaker D: Specialty of the house from the price of fear Vincent Price dines on human flesh and isn't too fussed about it. [00:02:57] Speaker B: The pit and the pendulum from appointment with fear, the Edgar Allan Poe classic about a pit and pendulum. [00:03:06] Speaker C: Final resting place for macabre. A newly married man in need of some quick cash agrees to be buried alive. [00:03:12] Speaker D: Clarissa from quiet, please. The complex story of a man and his daughter Clarissa, who may or may not be a ghost. [00:03:20] Speaker B: The house of mystery case from Richard diamond, private detective. A beautiful woman hires diamond to protect her from her dead husband. [00:03:29] Speaker C: Voice on the Wire from intersankdom mystery a widow receives threatening phone calls from her dead husband. [00:03:35] Speaker D: The chess master from CBS radio mystery theater a game of chess in the park turns dangerous when an ex advertising agent becomes the pawn of a russian spy. [00:03:46] Speaker B: The honky tonkers from frontier gentlemen. A bar fight results in emergency surgery. In the back of a honky tonk. [00:03:54] Speaker C: Expectant father from nightbeat, randy Stone plays nursemaid to a drunken lout of a dad. [00:04:00] Speaker D: Never follow a banjo act from suspense a sassy nightclub singer is pressured into babysitting a psychopathic boy singer. [00:04:09] Speaker B: If a body need a body, just call Birkin hare from crime classics Birkin Hare give up body snatching for murder, death, robbery. [00:04:19] Speaker C: From lights out, a man brings his wife back from the dead but loses her soul somewhere in the process. [00:04:25] Speaker D: Conqueror's Isle from escape, the crew of a navy bomber lands on a mysterious island inhabited by a civilization of advanced humans. [00:04:35] Speaker B: The sidewinder matter from yours truly, Johnny Dollar. Johnny Dollar teams up with several species of small, furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with the picked. [00:04:45] Speaker C: The playground from vanishing point a protective father relives his childhood trauma through the eyes of his son. [00:04:50] Speaker D: Deep, deep is my love from suspense a scuba diver is drawn into the murky depths by a beautiful hallucination. [00:04:58] Speaker B: Clicking silver from the adventures of the abbots a murder in a steel factory leads the abbots to reminisce about mexican spankings. [00:05:08] Speaker C: The first letter from box 13, Dan Holiday, is framed for murder. [00:05:12] Speaker D: The McCormick matter from yours truly, Johnny Dollar. A dying prisoner sends Johnny on a five part quest for stolen loot. [00:05:21] Speaker B: The doctor prescribed death from suspense. A psychologist believes suicidal people can be persuaded to become murderers instead. When his theory is mocked, the shrink sets out to prove his detractors wrong. [00:05:35] Speaker C: The crowd from suspense a police detective hunts a serial killer obsessed with crowds. [00:05:41] Speaker D: Action from escape a man climbing a glacier waits for death when suddenly he hears a cry for help. [00:05:48] Speaker B: The shadow challenged from the shadow a murderer posing as the shadow learns Lamont Cranston's true identity. [00:05:57] Speaker C: The man from Damascus from Rocky Jordan Rocky Jordan receives an ominous offer from a stranger who claims to have once been grievously wronged by him. [00:06:04] Speaker D: The man in 206 from dark venture could the mysterious resident of a small boarding house be the serial killer known as the executioner Tanglefoot. [00:06:16] Speaker B: From quiet, please, giant fly back for Christmas. [00:06:21] Speaker C: From suspense, Peter Laurie plants a devil's garden and uses his wife as fertilizer. [00:06:26] Speaker D: The signal man from nightfall. If you don't know the story by now, we can't help you. [00:06:35] Speaker B: Now let's hear from one of our patreon supporters, Christy. [00:06:45] Speaker E: Hello. My name is Christy, and my family and I have been proud supporters of the mysterious old radio listening society for over four years now. Hundreds of hours of fabulous and not so fabulous radio, but always great discussion. Listened to while searching for parts at work, walking the dog on dark, snowy evenings, and driving long, boring stretches of I 35. I always say I don't have a particularly strong feeling about the programs themselves. I'm usually just along for the ride and the guy's discussion, but sometimes there's trespassers will be experimented upon. From the disjointed writing to the disjointed comedy, to the ending that just sort of continued downhill. Trespassers was too far all over the place for me to appreciate. Maybe it was the seemingly random choices about what would be funny. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Come, Vanessa, to bed. Is it safe? Did you take a pill? No, I meant with Baron and all. [00:07:47] Speaker E: Or how sometimes Nigel's wife was overly articulate and sometimes a dip, I'm afraid. Or maybe it was just all downhill for me after trying to figure out how Nigel could have possibly won multiple Nobel prizes eventually led to my Nobel prize, if he were torturing his math professors when they tried to make him show his work. Happily, I don't think any of my former math students were abducted and raised by crazy people in Saskatchewan, so I should be safe. But trespassers did make for fun commentary. [00:08:15] Speaker B: So weird. Canada. Come on. [00:08:17] Speaker E: Yep, they sure did get to that castle, didn't they? [00:08:20] Speaker A: Yes. To the castle. [00:08:23] Speaker E: On the other hand, there's shows like the waxworks. Although it might be odd to say of a one man show without sound effects, I think the waxworks is one of the performances that encompasses everything I love about old radio. Fantastic acting, first rate development of eerie atmosphere, and an it. Okay, what just happened? Ending. [00:08:48] Speaker C: Nor was he capable of motion. But then, after all, he was only a waxwork. [00:08:58] Speaker E: A program that can make us think we heard things we didn't really hear shows us just how good radio can be. Plus, of course, William Conrad. Especially as I'm attempting to recover my health from a round of continued yuck and am so happy to have great things to listen to. I want to again thank the morals guys for the joy we get from their podcasts, their live shows, and the fantastic book club. We even poke around discord, too, where the cool kids hang out. Thank you, morals for all your hard work so that we can just sit back and listen. [00:09:37] Speaker C: Thank you, Christy. [00:09:38] Speaker D: In addition to our individual panelists, we collected best and worst votes from all our patrons. [00:09:46] Speaker B: In the best of category, our patrons chose the following finalists. The waxwork from suspense, the McCormick matter from yours truly, Johnny Dollar. Kaleidoscope from suspense. Never Pester Chester from Gunsmoke. Tanglefoot from quiet please. And never follow a banjo act from suspense. [00:10:07] Speaker C: And the winner is. [00:10:08] Speaker B: Hello, Mr. Barth? Yes, this is Johnny Dollar. Johnny, what's up? Now listen carefully, Ed. I've just been shot. [00:10:14] Speaker C: The McCormick matter from yours truly, Johnny Dollar. [00:10:17] Speaker D: Our patrons also voted for the worst of 2022 finalists where trespassers will be experimented upon. From theater 1030, subbasement. From lights out, the case of Clarence Hogan from up for parole. The final problem, from the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Deep, deep is my love from suspense. And never Pester Chester, from Gunsmoke. [00:10:44] Speaker B: And the winner is. [00:10:46] Speaker A: In school, one of the books there was an animal like that. How did it get down here? Lizard that big? Oh, no, you don't understand. Geology book. The thing wasn't a lizard. Exactly. That was a dinosaur. [00:11:06] Speaker B: Sub basement from lights out. [00:11:09] Speaker A: Step forward. Step back, get low down. Log ball a jack out, brother, if you want to rain. [00:11:22] Speaker C: And now it's time to announce the 2022 mysterious old listener of the year. This honor is bestowed upon a listener who has made a notable impact on. [00:11:31] Speaker D: The podcast, and that listener is Amy. [00:11:35] Speaker C: W. Amy is a longtime listener who we first met through our facebook group. She impressed us with her deep knowledge of all things old timey and obscure. [00:11:44] Speaker B: A fan of CBS Radio mystery theater, Amy made an impression on us with her affectionate defense of the series. In fact, we used her ode to CBS RMT. In one of our early introductions to. [00:11:56] Speaker D: The series, Amy writes, yes, CBS radio Mystery Theater doesn't hold up as well as other series, but for many Gen Xers, it's how we found radio theater. I consider it my gateway to listening theater and eventually to becoming a cinephile. When I hear E. G. Marshall's opening and the squeaky door, it brings me back to a precious time when my parents would turn it on in the car and I'd pretend to be asleep so dad would carry me in when we got home. [00:12:25] Speaker C: A few years later, Amy became a patreon supporter and a regular attendee of our Zoom happy hours. Her contributions are always insightful, quirky, and intelligent. If all she did was chat, it would be a delight. [00:12:36] Speaker B: But Amy does much more than that. Each and every month, she prepares a full cocktail menu specifically tailored to our theme. [00:12:44] Speaker D: From HP Lovecraft to Carlton E. Morse. [00:12:47] Speaker C: From submarines to bunny rabbits, Amy has. [00:12:50] Speaker B: A cocktail to fit the occasion. It's safe to say that happy hour would not be anywhere near as happy without Amy. [00:12:57] Speaker D: Of all Amy's cocktail recommendations, our favorite is one she created for our November 2022 Happy Hour. The theme was cat crimes, and the drink was called cat butt. [00:13:11] Speaker C: So now I'm going to see how well I can do assembling this drink on our recording. This might become a edit to where it is done. [00:13:20] Speaker B: So while Tim is pouring and mixing and making this drink, let me share the recipe in case anyone wants to pause the episode to prepare a cat butt of their own. 1oz vanilla vodka, two ounce half and half 1oz creme de cacao, one four to one half ounce aniset shake with ice and strain. [00:13:47] Speaker D: And it ends with what might be the best recipe instruction ever written. Float star of Anis on top. To achieve the butt effect, I brought my own butt effect. So I have some anis right here as Tim is finishing this off. [00:14:05] Speaker C: So I'm doing a pretty good job of the fancy presentation. Except the glassware. It's going to be in compostable plastic cups. [00:14:13] Speaker D: Well, points for being compostable. Oh, the suspense is killing us. [00:14:20] Speaker C: I have never used bar tools before in my life. [00:14:22] Speaker D: Really? You're doing a great job. It sounds good. That's what matters. [00:14:29] Speaker C: Come on. Don't let the top come off of this. [00:14:34] Speaker F: Come it. [00:14:39] Speaker D: And here we'll add the butt effect. Plop. [00:14:43] Speaker C: Oh, it really makes the cat butt come to life. [00:14:47] Speaker D: We will post an image, a more impressive image than how these turned out. [00:14:53] Speaker C: Well, happy best and worst, guys. [00:14:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:55] Speaker D: A toast to Amy, our 2022 mysterious old listener of the year. And now, let's hear from another Patreon supporter, Dave. [00:15:17] Speaker G: Hello, it's Dave s here with some thoughts on best and worst. They almost passed this one by, but then I got to thinking, if I was a radio production guy 80 years ago, I would be concerned with getting the script done on time, getting it produced, getting the music, getting it all together for broadcasting and putting on the air. And then as soon as it's done, you're thinking, what am I going to do next week? And they never thought that 80 years later we'd be looking at their work through the Internet and going, well, this is the best, and this is the worst. They were just doing their jobs and trying to do it, in most cases as best they could, as evidenced by the really good shows that were on all that year and continue to be on this year. You guys do a good job of picking stuff out. If I was to pick the best, I would have to go with the waxworks. It's a bugaboo for me because everybody always goes on and on and on. When you talk about old time radio, about Orson Wells, he always comes up, like, first, and his work is remarkably uneven. When he's good, he's good. When he's bad, he's terrible. But William Conrad, almost always good, almost always excellent. And. And this is a perfectly good example of that. I mean, this doesn't have to be a one man show, but it is. And to his credit, he's good enough that about five minutes in, you forget he's doing all the voices. You just get caught up in the show, you get caught up in the performances. It's just horrific, as well as being genuinely creepy. [00:17:02] Speaker F: Imagine. [00:17:07] Speaker A: This was a little too much. [00:17:09] Speaker C: It was bad enough that the waxwork effigies of murderers should move when they weren't being watched, but it was intolerable that they should breathe. [00:17:19] Speaker D: Somebody was breathing. [00:17:23] Speaker C: Or was it his own breath, which. [00:17:25] Speaker H: Sounded to him as if it came from a distance? [00:17:28] Speaker G: And Conrad, in my mind, he's the voice of old time radio. So many things he's done, and it's all so good. [00:17:36] Speaker A: You moved. Yes, you did. You moved. I saw you. You moved. [00:17:45] Speaker G: So with that in mind, it's no big surprise that my worst pick would be the Orson Welles, Ralph Richardson, John Gilgood, Sherlock Holmes, the final problem episode. I mean, come on. These guys are just barely going through the paces, and they seem kind of caught up in their own cleverness. [00:18:07] Speaker F: Surprised to discover that you have rather. [00:18:10] Speaker C: Less cranial development than one might have expected. [00:18:14] Speaker G: And their work on this episode is not nearly as good as they think it is. [00:18:18] Speaker C: How kind of you to say so. [00:18:20] Speaker G: I just found the whole thing kind of boring and too chatty and not remotely interesting. I've always had a problem with the story anyway because clearly Doyle was just looking for an out, and this was the easiest way to do it. [00:18:37] Speaker A: Goodbye, Professor Moriarty. Goodbye, Sherlock ho. [00:18:42] Speaker G: So I'll just close with hoping that 80 years from now, when people are looking back on the podcasts of the guys come up favorably. I suspect you will, because every week, it's always a delight. So thank you for that. And that's it. [00:19:05] Speaker C: Thanks, Dave. [00:19:06] Speaker D: Next, we present our own original radio drama. Adapted from a short story by John Collier. [00:19:13] Speaker B: This piece was first performed February 19, 2023, at the Bryant Lake Bowl Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. [00:19:20] Speaker C: It's part of an ongoing series we call the Weird Library. We hope you enjoy it. [00:19:39] Speaker D: Mysterious old radio listening Society. Society presents. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Sh. [00:20:02] Speaker F: The weird library. [00:20:06] Speaker D: Ancient tomes crumbling to dust. Forbidden volumes shrouded in cobwebs. Dark confessions sealed by candle wax. Read them all, if you dare. [00:20:27] Speaker H: Good evening, friend. Don't be alarmed. I'm only the librarian here to lend you another strange and disturbing tale. Oh, dear. You look ill. Are you quite all right, ma'am? Here, sit down. Were you looking for something in particular or just browsing? I'm sorry. What was that? I can't understand you with half of your face paralyzed. Your tongue appears to be quite swollen, too. And I certainly don't like the look of your pupils. I think you might be slipping into a coma. How about I choose a book for you? I'll even read it to you. How's that for service? But first, let me check your pulse. Oh, dear. I better make it a short one. Let's see. Ah, yes. The chaser by John Collier. Alan Austin was as nervous as a kitten. He crept down the alley on Pell street, up the creaky stairs to the landing, and through the door marked with the faded letters Rx. The tiny room was lit by a single fly specked light bulb. The only pieces of furniture were a plain kitchen table, a rocking chair, and a stool. An old man sat in the rocking chair, reading a newspaper. Behind him, on one of the dirty, buff colored walls, was a shelf containing a dozen or so bottles and jars. Alan, without a word, walked across the room and gave the old man the card exactly as he had been told. [00:22:27] Speaker F: Ah, yes. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Austin. Please sit down. [00:22:34] Speaker C: Thank you. I was told you have a certain liquid that has quite extraordinary effects. [00:22:42] Speaker F: My dear sir, everything I sell has quite extraordinary effects. I do not deal in banalities. You will find no toothpaste or laxatives here. [00:22:53] Speaker C: Of course. I didn't mean to. [00:22:55] Speaker F: Take this, for example. Here is a liquid as colorless as water, almost tasteless, quite imperceptible in coffee, wine, or any other beverage. It's also quite imperceptible to any known method of autopsy. [00:23:14] Speaker C: You mean it's a poison? Oh, I didn't come here for poison. [00:23:17] Speaker F: Well, call it a glove cleaner, then. Who knows? Maybe it does. [00:23:22] Speaker C: Does what? [00:23:23] Speaker F: Clean gloves. I've never tried. Of course, one might also call it a life cleaner. Lives need cleaning sometimes. [00:23:33] Speaker C: No, absolutely not. [00:23:34] Speaker F: Just as well, I suppose. Do you know the price of this? Not for the bottle. Just one teaspoonful, which is more than sufficient. Mind you. The price is $5,000. [00:23:49] Speaker C: You're joking. [00:23:50] Speaker F: Just for the young. The old prefer irony. $5,000. Nevertheless, not a penny less. [00:24:00] Speaker C: Are all your mixtures that expensive? [00:24:02] Speaker F: Oh, dear, no. For example, it would be no good charging that sort of price for a love potion. Young people who need a love potion very seldom have $5,000. Otherwise, they would not need a love potion. [00:24:19] Speaker C: Well, that's a relief. The whole reason I'm here, I look. [00:24:23] Speaker F: At it like this. [00:24:24] Speaker B: Please. [00:24:25] Speaker F: A customer with one product. And he will come back when he needs another, even if it is more costly. [00:24:32] Speaker C: So it's true then. You really do sell love potions? [00:24:35] Speaker F: My dear man, if I did not sell love potions, I would not discuss them openly with a stranger. It is only when one is in a position to oblige that one can afford to be so confidential. [00:24:53] Speaker C: And these potions, they're not just. [00:24:55] Speaker F: Oh, no. Their effects are permanent and extend far beyond the mere conal impulse. But they include it? Oh, yes. They include it bountifully, insistently, everlastingly. [00:25:15] Speaker C: Everlastingly. [00:25:16] Speaker F: But there is more to love than impulses. Consider the spiritual side. [00:25:21] Speaker C: Oh, but I do. I do indeed. [00:25:23] Speaker F: Indifference becomes devotion, scorn, adoration. Give this beautiful girl of yours one tiny measure of my potion. Its flavor is imperceptible in orange juice, soup or cocktails. And she will want nothing but solitude. And you. [00:25:42] Speaker C: But Diana never wants to stay in. She lives for parties. [00:25:46] Speaker F: One sip of this and she will abhor social gatherings of all kinds. She will be afraid of the pretty girls you might meet. [00:25:54] Speaker C: She'll be jealous of me. [00:25:56] Speaker F: Yes, she will want to be everything to you. [00:26:00] Speaker C: But she already is everything to me. Only she doesn't care. [00:26:04] Speaker F: She will. When she has taken this, she will care intensely. You will be her sole interest in life. [00:26:13] Speaker C: How wonderful. [00:26:15] Speaker F: She will want to know all you do. All that happens to you during the day. Every word of it. She will want to know what you're thinking about. Why you smile suddenly, why you look sad. [00:26:28] Speaker C: But if Diana acted like that, I'd never be sad again. [00:26:31] Speaker F: Oh, and how carefully she will look after you. She will never allow you to be tired, to neglect your food, to dress inappropriately for the weather if you are an hour late. She will be terrified. She will think you are dead. Or worse. That you are in the arms of a siren. Never. But there are always sirens, dear man. And if by any chance you should, later on, slip a little, just a little, you need not worry. She will be terribly hurt, of course, but she will forgive you in the end. [00:27:07] Speaker B: Really? [00:27:08] Speaker F: Oh, yes. She would never divorce you. [00:27:11] Speaker C: You mean Diana is going to marry me? [00:27:13] Speaker F: Absolutely. And she will never, ever give you the least grounds for uneasiness. [00:27:19] Speaker C: This is too good to be true. How much does it cost? [00:27:22] Speaker F: It is not as precious as the glove cleaner. I mean, life cleaner. No, the life cleaner is $5,000, never a pennied less. One has to be older than you to indulge in that sort of thing. One has to save up for it. [00:27:39] Speaker C: But the love potion. [00:27:40] Speaker F: Oh, that. That is just a dollar. [00:27:44] Speaker H: I'll take it. [00:27:45] Speaker F: Of course you will. [00:27:47] Speaker C: I can't tell you how grateful I am. [00:27:49] Speaker F: I like to oblige. Then customers come back later in life when they are better off and want more expensive things. Here you are. You will find it very, very effective. [00:28:05] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you so much. Goodbye. [00:28:13] Speaker F: Until we meet again. [00:28:20] Speaker H: He are you still with us, ma'am? Ma'am? Oh, dear. As dead as the printed word. What a shame she couldn't have held on a few minutes more. I have some glove cleaner antidote right here. I should always remember to give the antidote first and read the story second. Live and learn, I guess. [00:28:50] Speaker D: Live and learn. You have been listening to the weird library featuring the Chaser by John Collier. Adapted for radio by Joshua English scrimshaw. Join us next time for Arthur Conan Doyle's classic tale of mummies and murder. Lot number two, four, nine. This has been a mysterious old radio listening society production. [00:29:26] Speaker B: And now, before we reveal our own votes for best and worst, let's hear from one last patron. [00:29:32] Speaker E: Jessica dear, when you smiled at me. [00:29:36] Speaker A: I heard a melody. It haunted me. [00:29:39] Speaker I: From the star for the best of 2022. I came really close to voting for never follow a banjo act because it was a really, really good episode. But ultimately, I went with never Pester Chester, which was my request. So thank you for airing it. Thank you for loving it, because I love Gunsmoke so much. And I never, ever would have listened to a western if you guys hadn't introduced me to the show on the podcast. And since then, I've listened to hundreds of them, and I've still got hundreds to go, so that's exciting. But anyway, never pester Chester. It's surprisingly graphic in the violence compared to a normal gunstick episode. So that write off makes it interesting. And then, plus Chester, he's so beloved. And the graphic nature of the violence of what these sadistic cowboys did to him. Normally, in a gun milk episode, if you're not sympathizing with the bad guy, at least you can usually understand why he or she is doing what they're doing. But in this sense, it's just senseless violence, just mean spirited cruelty. And then seeing Matt's reaction to it. [00:31:08] Speaker B: I need you here. You see, you're the only man in dodge I can really trust. [00:31:15] Speaker I: Oh, it's just so sweet. I just love this episode so much. So that gets my vote. [00:31:20] Speaker A: Theater 1030 presents trespassers will be experimented upon. [00:31:27] Speaker I: Oh, Vanessa. Vanessa, this was so terrible. I hated this so much. [00:31:37] Speaker A: Let's go in. Do you mean enter. Semantically speaking, yes. Yes, that's what mean. Ugh. [00:31:42] Speaker I: I was so mad. I hated this so much. I was like Madeline Khan and clue with, like, flames shooting out the side of my head. [00:31:51] Speaker A: Don't be frightened. It's only a young woman. [00:31:55] Speaker I: Oh, this was really just terrible. It was horrible to listen to. [00:31:59] Speaker A: And many years ago, when I was but a youth, I would lie in my lonely bed in the attic. But that's where my bed was. [00:32:07] Speaker I: There was a time in my life when I did enjoy listening to things in that ironic fashion point and laugh at how terrible this is. And I would have found it enjoyable, but not anymore. As I've gotten older, I've come to appreciate the preciousness of time. And the bottom line is that life is too short to waste it on bad radio. And this was bad. [00:32:33] Speaker A: That was his fatal error. The dream of an intelligent, beautiful woman. [00:32:39] Speaker I: This was so, so bad. [00:32:42] Speaker A: It is not necessary for you to understand. But I don't understand. Nigel. Nigel. I don't understand. Nigel. [00:32:50] Speaker I: I was so mad, I could have punched a baby. The scowl on my face as I was listening, it undid like a year's worth of botox. Guys. So, no, this is not what I come here for. I hated this. I hated this so much. [00:33:06] Speaker A: Say no to the devil. Thanks, Jessica. [00:33:20] Speaker D: And now it's time to reveal our votes, gentlemen. So let's start with the worst. Tim. [00:33:29] Speaker C: I'm the worst. [00:33:30] Speaker B: Yes. [00:33:31] Speaker A: Wow. [00:33:32] Speaker C: Hurtful. I don't have a lot of banter about my choices for the worst. I don't think we had. Well, I suppose I'll be told, opposite of this, but I felt like we didn't have a huge divide between, like, these are the number ones and these are the real stinkers. One of my runners up is the final problem, which I thought, it's not bad, just kind of source material has some problems, and the adaptation didn't really address that, and it just kind of was okay. It's not that great. That's my opinion of it. My other runner up is, which I think got a lot of hate. Love was sub basement. It's not my bottom one because there's still a bit of a joy and like, there's a dinosaur in the basement. [00:34:22] Speaker B: Right. [00:34:22] Speaker C: But did the plot tell you there's going to be a dinosaur in the basement? No clue. [00:34:27] Speaker B: I still love what you said in the podcast about he brought his wife down there to murder her. But what if the dinosaur brought his wife and it was one of those strangers on a train? [00:34:40] Speaker C: Strangers at a basement. [00:34:41] Speaker B: Right. [00:34:44] Speaker C: But I do feel like there's just kind of no getting around. The poop in the punch bowl is trespassers will be experimented upon. [00:34:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:55] Speaker C: Neither so freaky it becomes fun, nor tolerable or palatable. I think that's the worst one for me. [00:35:02] Speaker B: I have a caveat. I just want to do an honorable worst of mention before I get to my list. And that is never follow a banjo act from suspense. It doesn't make the top list of worst, even though I really disliked it, even though Joshua liked it only because of some crazy, weird infatuation with Ethel Merman and the quality riding. [00:35:28] Speaker D: But I want to get our patrons also included it. [00:35:30] Speaker B: Yeah, they did. [00:35:32] Speaker C: Logical, reasonable infatuation with Ethel Merman. [00:35:35] Speaker B: I think it was just Ethel Merman. You and your fantasy with Ethel Merman. [00:35:39] Speaker D: No, don't stop. It was with psychotic boy singers. [00:35:42] Speaker A: That's my infatuation. [00:35:44] Speaker B: The reason I bring it up is because even though it didn't make my top worst of by any means, even though it wasn't my favorite listening back, it was one of our best podcasts. It was really a fun podcast, the discussion of it. Unlike now. All right, that thing we listened to. [00:36:05] Speaker C: It was really fun. [00:36:08] Speaker B: Just the glaring. All right, here we go. Here we go. So on my list of runner ups, trespassers will be experimented upon for sure. It became so close to being is this good or is this not good or what is happening? But it didn't make the top because it got worse. And it got worse with two of them that are direct punches to both of your oh, wow. Specialty, the house from price of fear. I hated it. [00:36:39] Speaker C: My groin. [00:36:40] Speaker B: Right. The Vincent price dining on humans. [00:36:44] Speaker D: How can that not just be the best sentence you've said this year, let alone one of the best episodes of the year. [00:36:51] Speaker C: I will take your groins in the target right now. [00:36:54] Speaker B: Your groin shot is the honky talkers from frontier. Gentlemen makes my list. Yeah, I know you have no taste, so those are my three runner ups. But when it came right down to it, dinosaur or no dinosaur, sub basement was just too much. I just hated it so much, and I was so confused by the two stories going on. And I think Joshua said it in the podcast, best is like, decide what this is. If this is about dinosaurs under the subway system. Cool. Or is it a sinister psychological plot of how to kill your wife? Cool. Two half script. Do not make a whole script. So that is my worst sub basement. And I'm so sorry about the others needless, needless abuse. [00:37:49] Speaker D: We need to put in some groin punching sound effects. I'm going to have to search through my sound files. [00:37:55] Speaker C: I have some websites I could send. [00:37:56] Speaker D: Okay, that's not it. My worst of what I think is interesting is how we define worst of, and I don't think we really define this for our listeners or for ourselves. But there are the worst of from a technical point of view, where you are attempting to judge an episode based on some kind of objective criteria of quality and technical achievement. And then there's worst of. It's just like, to my taste, I hated listening to that. [00:38:29] Speaker B: I just go by my taste. [00:38:30] Speaker D: Yeah, I try to go from the technical point of view in worst of because it's so subjective. I think worst of is more subjective than best of, in my opinion. Because if I were just saying, like, what is one of the episodes in this podcast that I thought was the most boring to listen to and talk about, I'd say box 13. I just thought that was just a snoozer. But it is by far not the worst episode, but one of the least enjoyable for me personally. [00:38:58] Speaker C: But you still took the time to point at it and say you could have been on my worst. [00:39:02] Speaker D: Yeah, just because Eric brought up never follow a banjo. No, that is the first example that popped to mind. The fact that it was maybe a little poke at Eric was just a bonus. I definitely agree with you guys that trespassers will be experimented upon and sub basement were failures. But as I say often in this podcast, I'm going to give them a little more credit than some others because they were attempting something, even though in that attempt it's arguable they failed miserably. And then, if you're talking subjectively, I know a lot of patrons and regular listeners just hated trespassers will be experimented upon, but it was one of my personal favorite discussions. Not necessarily even how it finally turned out, but just the three of us sitting in a room talking about something grips with. [00:39:51] Speaker C: Are we okay? [00:39:52] Speaker B: Right? [00:39:52] Speaker D: That was so fun processing that together. So from both the enjoyment level and the technical achievement level, I think it has to be for me, the doctor prescribed death, and as much as I love Baylor Lagosi, that is just a pile of excrement. It fails in every way, and it fails without really attempting anything spectacular. It just fails to meet the base requirements of a logical certainly, and then it's suspense. So then you have to compare it to the rest of suspense, right? And then you have to feel sorry while you're listening to it for Legosi. And it is just a miserable experience and definitely the worst of the year for me. [00:40:39] Speaker B: Again, to quote you from the podcast, I love it when the dialogue of a script is actually describing what I'm thinking when Lugosi utters. The coincidences to come together to make that happen are astounding. [00:40:56] Speaker D: If this were a radio show, I'd hate it, right? [00:41:00] Speaker B: I couldn't agree with you more on that. It really should have made my list. I think my soft spot for Bela Lugosi has gotten my way. I would like to take off honky tonkers and put that in now, but not that Vincent Price thing. They're so mad at me, listeners. They're so mad my groin is sore. All right, should we head to the. [00:41:32] Speaker D: Best of best of Tim? [00:41:33] Speaker C: Here's my more grandiose little speech last year when I was talking about and we were collectively looking at what were the worst things we listened to last year. They were pretty clearly things I brought, and in part because I was looking to bring things from specific series started, specific letters that had just no regard to is this any good? [00:41:54] Speaker B: Right? [00:41:55] Speaker C: I continued to that process a little bit here with up for parole, and for me, that wound up being a runner up for my best. I was so happy that not only did my stupid system produce something good, right, it produced something I really liked as really different than just about any other series we listened to, told such a different story in such a different way, and had such a different reaction to it, and I loved it. My other runner up was something I'm pretty sure I brought, and if not, if somebody recommended this, I'm claiming it because I loved it so much. Well, especially the house from price of fear. [00:42:26] Speaker B: Oh no, that's so unfortunate that we are at such odds. [00:42:33] Speaker C: Part of why I love it is because it is so undeniably high quality. Like you just cannot not like it. I can't imagine what it would be like to live in a world where you didn't enjoy this particular episode. [00:42:45] Speaker B: This wasn't in your plan to talk about until I said what I said was. [00:42:49] Speaker C: It mostly just. I really liked it. [00:42:51] Speaker A: It was good. [00:42:51] Speaker C: It's my runner up. That was the plan. But my absolute best one for the year that I loved the best is not going to be any off the wall oddball. Unexpected choice. It is kaleidoscope. It's a combination of source material, performance, adaptation, engineering, sound development, soup to nuts. It was amazing and moving, and I loved it. [00:43:16] Speaker B: Hard to argue that. So for my best of, I just wanted to give a couple of quick shout outs before I did my list. First of all, the man from Damascus, not on my best of list, but again, it introduced me to Rocky Jordan. And we had the listener who brought that, who was a guest host for that, Ryan. And again, thank you so much. I love Rocky Jordan. That was a great one for me because it introduced me that the first letter from box 13, which I love so much. [00:43:51] Speaker D: I don't hate it. It's just absolutely boring. It's like listening to paint dry, but other than that, it's great. [00:43:57] Speaker C: I love paint drying. [00:43:58] Speaker B: I still want to remind you both that I really want to perform that one on stage. I don't think it's going to happen. Then, final resting place, would you give a shout out to that somewhat amateur production? Still, kudos to that amateur production for doing just a really amazing job of something that should have sounded like amateurs. I thought it was great. And pit and the pendulum I'm bringing up because I promised at the end of that podcast that I would bring all the appointments with fear to the podcast after that, because I liked it and I never did. All right, here's my list. Signal man from Nightfall was the best episode of nightfall I've ever heard and the best signal man I ever heard. So it makes my list. I thought it was fantastic. Death robbery from lights out with Boris Karloff was for me, and I wouldn't put it as my best of. I think it was pretty much aimed at me and people like me, but I really love that if a body need a body from Birkenhair from crime classics was really good. And of course we all have that connection to the Birkenhair story, but that was a fantastically. And crime classics is great. Clarissa from quiet please was just beautiful and I loved it. And then we get into the top three. And it was super interesting when I had my top three. We had a great year for William Conrad and the Waxwork. That one man show that he put on for suspense was just exquisite and just testimony to what a great actor he is. And I loved it. It was nowhere near, though, from all the other elements, tech writing, everything from kaleidoscope, which was mind blowing. But here's how I decided what my best of the year was. I had to go back with this list and remind myself on all of these. What was that again? Synopsis. Right, that one. That one. And then it came back to me. Right. There's only one from 2022 that I looked at the title and I remember every detail. I remember every moment. And that means that it imprinted on me. That, to me means something. Oh, if it stuck with me without me having to go back, what was that again? It must mean something. And that's never Pester Chester. That is my vote, which I find hilarious that it is on our patrons worst of and best of. People really hated it and people really. [00:46:40] Speaker D: Liked oh, but never Pester Chester barely made the worst of. There are just some people who really don't like westerns and really don't like anything with macho characters in it. [00:46:49] Speaker B: And let me say this again, our discovery of Gunsmoke. Gunsmoke is not a western. It just happens to take place in the old west. It's about relationships, this show. It is about real people making mistakes. It's the drama of it. It doesn't feel like a western to me. I'm blown away by Gunsmoke. We have another one coming up. I don't know if this airs before or after that. [00:47:17] Speaker D: I don't know either. [00:47:18] Speaker B: I don't know either. But it's truly just a remarkable show. And Neverpester Chester was moving and gut wrenching and difficult and in that way, beautiful. So there's my best of list. [00:47:32] Speaker D: I'm really impressed because I think Eric prepared more for this than I did. [00:47:39] Speaker B: You ready? I went back and re listened to every single episode from 2020. [00:47:44] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:47:44] Speaker D: Wow. Eric, tell me what my best. [00:47:48] Speaker B: Oh, I can tell you. [00:47:50] Speaker C: I sort of assume you only listened to a third of the episodes at all. [00:47:54] Speaker B: It's true. No, I went back and listened to all of it. And our discussion, what is it like? We're pretty good. I don't have any notes. [00:48:06] Speaker D: Oh, my best of is really hard. I'm going to tell you, as of this moment, I have no idea what I'm going to vote for. Mainly because looking back over the episodes, I think it's a really great year. And one thing that when we first started this podcast, in the first couple of years of it tore through a lot of what is the fan consensus? Classic great old time radio shows that fall within the genres we focus on in this podcast. And there was a little bit of time where I was like, oh boy, are we just going to run out of garbage from now on? Garbage podcast. But I feel like looking back on this year, we really found a lot of really interesting, esoteric at times, oddball episodes that might not make the best of, but that were terribly fascinating. We got a chance for people to bring their own really personal episodes that mean a lot that Eric can kick us over. But I feel like it's becoming a more personal podcast than a greatest hits podcast. And that's one thing that stood out when I look back. Also, I'm kind of filibustering. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but largely, I pretty much agree with the list that our patrons came up with one or two exceptions, I think the waxworks is on my top list. Kaleidoscope neverpester Chester. Yes. Never follow a banjo act I think is an extraordinary piece of radio writing. It has nothing to do with Eric. [00:49:42] Speaker B: So hot. So hot. [00:49:44] Speaker A: I love that episode. [00:49:51] Speaker D: I'm not sure about the McCormick matter. I think that mainly got votes because everyone loves yours truly, Johnny Dollar. I'm not sure that's the greatest yours truly Johnny Dollar cereal out there. And I would replace Tanglefoot with Clarissa on my short list. [00:50:06] Speaker B: Me too. [00:50:06] Speaker D: Tanglefoot I like. But Clarissa is beautiful. I think you said Eric, and that's a great adjective for it. But I think I'm going to go with the wax work. [00:50:21] Speaker C: Wow. [00:50:22] Speaker B: Third on my Conrad list simply because. [00:50:27] Speaker D: I really am not drawn to one person shows and going into this even as much as I. Groin kick. Again, sorry. Most of Tim's stage work has been one man. [00:50:44] Speaker C: People don't like to work with me. [00:50:46] Speaker B: I did one. [00:50:48] Speaker D: You did? [00:50:49] Speaker C: You were fantastic. [00:50:50] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:50:51] Speaker A: But. [00:50:51] Speaker B: Right. [00:50:52] Speaker D: We listen to radio for the variety of sound and voices and this idea that it's just going to be an audiobook, which I love audiobooks. But I was a little skeptical going in, and I got done listening to it and I was like, that was all William Conrad. I never once thought about it after the first two minutes of truth. [00:51:12] Speaker B: Truth. Me neither. [00:51:14] Speaker D: So again, objectively, I could have a tie between four or five, six episodes, but I'm going to bring in that subjective experience and give it to the. [00:51:23] Speaker B: Waxwork because it changed your mind about something that. Yeah, that's very powerful thing for a piece of art to do. I agree with. Want to. There's a small caveat. I did. Fast forward through honky tonkers and that Vincent Price thing. [00:51:41] Speaker D: I will never give up. On the frontier gentleman. You're getting now at least two more episodes of the Frontier gentleman beginning in early 2000. [00:51:50] Speaker C: Frontier Gentlemen. Price of fear. Mashup. [00:51:55] Speaker D: Vincent Price eats the frontier gentleman. [00:51:59] Speaker B: That would be fantastic. [00:52:02] Speaker D: All right, so we have to tally our votes. And, gentlemen, it looks like there's no question at all our worst of 2022, based on our individual patron votes on our Patreon poll, and our votes is. Trespassers will be experimented upon. [00:52:21] Speaker A: Wow. [00:52:21] Speaker B: I thought for sure sub basement was going to win. [00:52:24] Speaker D: No competitor. Trespassers ends up with three votes. That's pretty impressive. Blame Canada, everybody. And then for best of. [00:52:35] Speaker A: You moved. Yes, you did. You moved. I saw you. [00:52:40] Speaker D: You moved the waxwork from suspense. [00:52:45] Speaker B: Wow, Ray. [00:52:47] Speaker D: But they're all winners, except for the losers. [00:52:51] Speaker C: Hooray for one person shows. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week with another old time radio episode and discussion. [00:53:02] Speaker B: And who knows? Maybe it will turn out to be the best of 2023. [00:53:07] Speaker D: Or the worst. [00:53:08] Speaker C: Until then, welcome to the mysterious old Radio listening Society, a podcast dedicated that burp, suspense crime. [00:53:15] Speaker D: Go ahead, horror stories. [00:53:16] Speaker B: Welcome to the mysterious old Radio Listening Society, a podcast dedicated. [00:53:20] Speaker D: That's about enough of you. Welcome to the mysterious old Radio Listening Society. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is gold. [00:53:27] Speaker B: All right, this is all outtakes. You've got to record from the top. [00:53:32] Speaker D: Accidentally delete a huge chunk of our outtakes for this year. I'm being serious. [00:53:38] Speaker B: Let's redo the outtakes right now. Tim, that's my ouk. I am so drunk. All right, here we go. Welcome to the mysterious old radio Listening Society. [00:53:53] Speaker D: I will not reiterate my faults. My own faults. That was a phrase. [00:53:59] Speaker B: What are your faults, Josh? [00:54:00] Speaker D: Old and dumb. Wow. [00:54:03] Speaker C: I eat people. [00:54:06] Speaker B: Welcome. That was weird and loud. Welcome. That was aggressive. [00:54:13] Speaker A: Welcome. [00:54:19] Speaker C: Unlike its predecessor, vanishing point featured stories from Gobla Ma. [00:54:24] Speaker D: Wednesday was mystery night with Vincent Price. Thursday was love and hate. [00:54:28] Speaker A: And wow. [00:54:32] Speaker C: Go to bed, microphone. You're drunk. [00:54:36] Speaker B: You get that? [00:54:37] Speaker G: Oh, yeah. [00:54:39] Speaker B: I'm Stan Freeberg. [00:54:42] Speaker A: Please. [00:54:43] Speaker D: Freeberg. [00:54:44] Speaker B: Because I'm as free as a bird. [00:54:47] Speaker C: Now. [00:54:50] Speaker D: Kogan and Arthur earned a prestigious. Is it prestigious or prestigious? Does it matter? [00:54:55] Speaker B: Either? [00:54:56] Speaker C: It's either or either. Hey, I finally figured out how to make my phone stop calling 9110 how? [00:55:06] Speaker D: By not calling 911. [00:55:08] Speaker C: There's a special convenient feature that will automatically turn it on in your pocket. Just like a double tap will turn it on and then any touch can possibly hit the. Call 911, old man. [00:55:23] Speaker D: 911. [00:55:24] Speaker B: I'm trying to take a picture. [00:55:26] Speaker D: What's your emergency? [00:55:27] Speaker B: I'm old. [00:55:29] Speaker C: I rather think it's the phone. I've had many phones not just call 911 on their own. [00:55:34] Speaker D: Yeah. Were you younger when you had those phones? Today's version sticks fairly close to the plot of Stevenson's original, with a few glaring exceptions. We'll discuss. Yes. [00:55:50] Speaker B: Outtake fodder. This is outtake fodder. What's coming up next? [00:55:57] Speaker D: Next? I have no idea. It's going to be like 2026. [00:56:05] Speaker B: Okay, Tim, what's coming up next? I don't know. I asked you, do you know? [00:56:12] Speaker D: Do you know? I don't know. [00:56:14] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:56:14] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:56:16] Speaker D: Which is. I love how you drink wine. [00:56:22] Speaker B: All right, are we rolling? [00:56:24] Speaker D: Yeah, we're rolling. [00:56:24] Speaker B: God. [00:56:31] Speaker C: I'm ready. [00:56:32] Speaker D: I'm going to go see if they have the door open and they're doing music in there because it's suddenly coming through. Really? [00:56:38] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:56:38] Speaker A: Loud. [00:56:39] Speaker D: I think if they just close the door, it'll be fine. Then you can have another couple of bites of that sandwich and I won't be freaking out. [00:56:47] Speaker B: Cold cuts. [00:56:52] Speaker C: I like subway. I like that. Banana peppers. Banana peppers cover up a lot of sins. [00:57:01] Speaker B: Agreed. It depends on who's making your sandwich that day. Some people are like, it's really good. Thank you. And some people are like, you get a cucumber and it's the idiest one on top. Can I have more? [00:57:16] Speaker C: Two. [00:57:17] Speaker B: I mean, there's a lot to it. [00:57:19] Speaker C: It was our second hideous cucumber slice. Despite such hyperboil, or perhaps because of it, hyperbole. Thank you. [00:57:27] Speaker D: Despite such. Set the controls for hyperboil. Despite such hyperbole. [00:57:37] Speaker C: This beer is good. It's late at night and a chill has set in. You're alone and the only light you see is coming from an antique radio. Listen to the sounds coming from the speaker. Listen to the music and listen to the voices. Haunted rant for 24 episodes broadcast on the BBC World Cervix. [00:57:59] Speaker D: World cervix. Good job, gentlemen.