Episode 316: The Man Who Stole a Planet

[00:00:27] Speaker A: Welcome to the mysterious, mysterious old radio listening society podcast dedicated to suspense, crime, and horror stories from the golden age of Radio. I'm Eric. I'm Tim. [00:00:36] Speaker B: And I'm Joshua. [00:00:38] Speaker C: We love mysterious old time radio stories, but do they stand the test of time? That's what we're here to find out. [00:00:42] Speaker B: Today, I chose an episode of quiet please entitled the man who stole a planet. [00:00:48] Speaker A: Quiet Please was the brainchild of radio and screenwriter Willis Cooper, creator of another iconic radio series, Lights Out. Quiet Please debuted on the Mutual Broadcasting Network on June 8, 1947. In September of 1948, the series switched to ABC and remained there until its final broadcast on June 25. [00:01:10] Speaker C: Every quiet please story was told in the first person by actor Ernest Chappell. Cooper's scripps utilized Chapel's everyman voice and natural gift for storytelling to create a sense of intimacy between performer and listener. The synergy between Cooper's scripts and Chappell's performances was arguably the program's greatest strength. [00:01:27] Speaker B: Quiet Please is often categorized as horror, likely due to the notoriety of Cooper's masterpiece, the thing on the forbelboard. But in reality, quiet please presented stories in a wide variety of styles, comedy, romance, science fiction, and even fantasy. No matter what the genre, though, every quiet please story had one thing in common, a slow, deliberately eerie pace. [00:01:53] Speaker C: Like many of the extant episodes of quiet please, the audio quality of this episode is less than perfect. However, we think a little extra crackle and the occasional indecipherable word is more than worth it. So please enjoy. The man who stole a planet from quiet please first broadcast July 26, 1948. [00:02:12] Speaker A: It's late at night, and a chill is set in. You're alone, and the only light you see is coming from an antique radio. Listen to the sounds coming from the speaker. Listen to the music and listen to the voices. [00:02:29] Speaker D: You. Quiet, please. Quiet, please. The mutual broadcasting system presents quiet, please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper and which features Ernest Chappell. Quiet please for tonight is called the man who stole the planet. I've been a very fortunate fellow, having money enough to do what I wanted to do, knowing what I wanted to do with it. I suppose I'm the best known amateur authority on Mexico and the ruins of the Mayans and the free Mayans there is. Although if you're not interested in that kind of stuff, you never heard of me. So what? So if you're not, go on and read the baseball scores or tune in a quiz program, or just do whatever you want to. I can't stop you. And I frankly don't care what you do if you're not interested. But if you are interested, just keep quiet and listen and sit still. No, don't sit still. Stretch your neck a little and look down into this thing. Ever see one before a deep freeze? People keep frozen foods and stuff in these things. That is, most people do. I keep dead men in it. King. Oh, no, I didn't kill him. Matter of fact, I'm not entirely sure he's dead. He doesn't breathe, his heart isn't beating. He isn't dead. He ought to take down his sign. He was just like that when he was walking around like a mummy. That outfit he's got on, that's the uniform of a very high priest of a race of people who inhabited a certain part of Mexico in the fifth century ad. Fits him too. It's his own uniform for sure. I know about these things. I spent so many years of this business to be fools. Fantastic. I know that's what you lame and expect to hear from archaeologists. Lots of stuff about walking mummies and weird curses and all that Boris Karloff routine. A ticket from a practicing member of the profession. Archaeology involves a great deal more grubbing than the ground and sifting wheelbarrows full of dirt than it does dodging zombies. However, here I am on a July evening in the year of our Lord 1948, with a house full of extremely dead high priests who were born in the mexican jungle some 1400 years ago. No, I didn't cart them back with me. No, they walked in on me. Take that super silliest smile off your face, I know what you're thinking. More of that supernatural stuff. More of that hp Lovecraft stuff that my blood froze in my veins at the Eldrich, whatever that is being that towered above me. Don't kid yourself. What you people call supernatural is just as natural as apples growing on a tree. The only thing is our great thinkers, our figures out, they all stop when they come to something they can't explain immediately, with their slide rules and their log tables and spectroscopes and stuff. And once in a while, somebody finds out something and a little chunk of the so called supernatural slides over into the field of exact science and everybody says, I knew it all the time. My eyes. So if men dead 1500 years can walk around, it's a perfectly logical explanation for us. They know the explanation, we don't. And if we ever find out accidentally, there'll be 100,000 scientists to tell you they could have done it a long time ago, only they were working on nuclear fission and other more practical benefits to the human race. Thing is, I don't care how they do it. My interest is in why they're here. That's what affects me. Oh, I didn't tell you why they're here. That's quite simple. They want something I've got. Something I brought back from Mexico with me, something I stole from them. Then I may say something I want very much to keep. So that's my problem. Children. What's yours? Excuse me. I've been doing all the talking. This is my wife, my beautiful wife. Her name is Elizabeth. You can call her Liz. [00:07:25] Speaker E: Look, don't let my husband fool you. He talks as if all this is very amusing and very simple. But believe me, he's just as frightened as I am. [00:07:34] Speaker D: You can say that again, Liz. [00:07:35] Speaker E: He's still there, you see, I was with him in Mexico. [00:07:37] Speaker D: I wouldn't be here now if you hadn't been. [00:07:39] Speaker E: Please, Normie. I'm an explorer, too, so I'm afraid I'm not much of an archaeologist, but I'm a very good cook. And I'm the serious member of this family. So I'm going to tell you what happened, without interruptions, I hope, because we think maybe you might be able to help us. I don't know how exactly. [00:07:57] Speaker D: Neither do I. [00:07:58] Speaker E: But you listen, and if you can. Well, this was our 14th trip to Mexico. We flew to Mexico City, then down to Veracruz, and our people met us at Merida. [00:08:10] Speaker D: You'll excuse me a minute, darling, I think one of our friends is looking in the window. [00:08:16] Speaker E: Oh, no. [00:08:17] Speaker D: Just sit still. I'll be right back. [00:08:22] Speaker E: I'm simply scared to death. We've been so fortunate this far. We always discover them in time. But what will happen if one gets in and we don't see him? Norman. [00:08:33] Speaker D: Norman. Okay. I had to bust the window, though. I better put this one away. No telling what had happened to us if some curious policeman got to look at you. See? Same uniform, same badge on his left. [00:08:50] Speaker E: Arm, just like the ones carved in on the guardian. [00:08:54] Speaker D: The watches. Okay, priesty westy, have a nice sleep. [00:09:01] Speaker E: Oh, Norman, I wish you wouldn't be so flippant about things. [00:09:05] Speaker D: Flippant? Listen, sweetheart, do you mind? I'm just about ready to go over in that corner and scream. If I see one more, I'll be. [00:09:16] Speaker E: I'm sorry, darling. Hadn't we better take it back? [00:09:19] Speaker D: No. Only how long is this going to go on? Yeah, how long is it going to go on? You've never been inside one of those great stone pyramids, the Mayans driven the Guatemala jungles so many, many forgotten years ago. You've never smelled a dead smell. The sour, sweet odor of the rotting vegetation that crept into the crevices between the stones and died a thousand times. The musty grave smell of those low tunnels with a maddening paintings on the walls at your elbows. The figure seemed to give her at you in the light of a Coleman lantern and sweat. The feeling that snakes are waiting for you in the darkness at the end. Yeah, they wish that snakes were town. The snake God. They tore people's hearts out. They hurled their beautiful daughters to the devil God that lives in a bottomless pit. We've been in the middle of all that a lot of time, haven't we, darling? [00:10:21] Speaker E: And the rights of spring in the harvest. The corn maidens dying horribly in the fields to preserve the fertility of the land. [00:10:29] Speaker D: I got a right to be scared. We saw the pictures of what they did to their prisoners, the ones they thought had done evil to their gods. We saw what was left of the poor victims. We've got a right to be scared. We've outwitted them so far. And how long can it go on? [00:10:46] Speaker E: Take it back, Norman. [00:10:47] Speaker D: No, I won't. I found it. And this world of ours today can use it. It can do more good here than it ever could in a moldy underground room beneath the dear tally, where we found it. [00:10:58] Speaker E: Tell them about it, Norman. You see, if they don't agree, you ought to take it back. [00:11:03] Speaker D: I don't care what they say. It's mine and I'm going to keep it. You hear me? I'm going to keep it, I said. It's. We've heard about the place so many times. The place where the world lives, they called it. And the place where the world lives is what it still calls, though the world doesn't live there anymore. Not since Liz and I found the deep galleries and took away the greatest treasure that the world has ever seen. All right, now. You know, when you hear a little more about it and see it, you'll forgive me for being dramatic. The greatest treasure the world has ever seen, you'll agree. [00:11:51] Speaker E: Well, tell about it. [00:11:53] Speaker D: Will you take it easy, please? We finally found a place. Let's see if I can tell you about it. A wilderness of high grass, a kind of grass we'd never seen before. Higher than our heads. Sharp edge of razor blades. Loads of insects hanging out of the two inch blades of grass. Silent, dripping heat. Crawling things. I found a place I'll never know. There was nothing to warn us. We just flashed our way through one more stand of high grass. And there was the door. The door was open. A kind of ramp led straight down into darkness. Darkness that seemed to begin a little too close to the bright entrance. Darkness. That horrible heat that covered us like a coffin lid. Yes, of course. We went in. We lighted our lanterns, went in alone. That was what we came for, wasn't it? And I think we were the first human beings who had set foot on that long stone ramp in a great many centuries. We knew it. We could feel it. The passageway wasn't so bad, except for the pictures on the walls. I think I'd rather not tell you about them. They were put there, of course, to give any intruder an idea of what would happen to him if he got caught in there. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I want to remember this very clearly, Liz. You stumbled against something. [00:13:29] Speaker E: It was the lever that opened the inner door. And the door opened and I said, we found it, Norman. [00:13:34] Speaker D: And the door closed behind us, and. [00:13:40] Speaker E: Our lanterns went out. [00:13:42] Speaker D: I put off a hand for Liz, and she was still there. We stood there a minute. I got over my first tears. Liz was kind of moaning in the dark. That's okay, honey. Stand still so we don't get separated from each other, but stand still. Highlights on us again. [00:14:01] Speaker E: No, wait. There's a light. [00:14:04] Speaker D: And there was a little light, a little faint light down there under the earth. And if list. I couldn't see where it came from, but our eyes got more and more used to the dim radiance. We finally saw where it was coming from. [00:14:18] Speaker E: Is it globe? You a Norman? [00:14:20] Speaker D: I think so, too. Come on. [00:14:28] Speaker E: What is this, Norman? [00:14:30] Speaker D: Nothing. Looks like a baseball. Does any kind. [00:14:36] Speaker E: What's holding you? [00:14:39] Speaker D: I can't picture. Seems to be suspended in the air. Something dark. Yeah. Wait. Don't touch it, lady. What? [00:14:57] Speaker E: It's inside something. A globe of some kind. Crystal, I guess. Here. [00:15:08] Speaker D: What do you know about that? Here, hold up the ladder a little. I want to look at it close. Liz, look. Here. Look at this. Look. Do you see what it is? [00:15:23] Speaker E: Just a little ball of silver. Oh, Norman. [00:15:28] Speaker D: You see? [00:15:29] Speaker E: That is impossible. [00:15:30] Speaker D: This is the greatest archaeological treasure anyone has ever seen. It can be. It is. See, there's a north american continent. And look around here. Europe, Asia, Africa. [00:15:43] Speaker E: It's the world. [00:15:44] Speaker D: Do you realize what it means? It means that these people knew the world as round hundreds of years before Columbus proved it. It proved that the people who lived here knew all about the world. Look. Even Australia perfect. Why, this will upset every scientific. My Lord. Woman, do you realize what a discovery this is? [00:16:03] Speaker E: I'm afraid of it. [00:16:07] Speaker D: I found what holds it up. [00:16:08] Speaker E: Look. [00:16:09] Speaker D: It's not suspended in midair at all. See these two little wires? One from each pole, and you see? [00:16:16] Speaker E: Oh, Norman, it's so beautiful and so terrifying. [00:16:20] Speaker D: Terrifying by now, this is one treasure the mexican government isn't going to get. [00:16:25] Speaker E: Are you going to take it? [00:16:27] Speaker D: Are you kidding? What was that? The door blew open. I was wondering how we were going to get out again. Now everything is going to be all. And I nearly dropped the lantern because when I turned around to look at the door the rays of my lantern lit up the walls of the circular rock tuned room we stood in and ranged around the walls. 2ft apart were the high priests and all their Adelia just like you. You looked at all of them staring at us. Each one of them with a bow in his outstretched left hand. An insidious tipped arrow drawn to the head hanged straight at Liz and me. It was only a second before I realized they were all dead. That they had been placed there long, centuries ago. That they were harmless. And I laughed. I picked up the crystal globe that the little world lived in and handlers and I made our way outside of the world of grass and sunlight. And I, like some 20th century atlas, carried the world on my shoulder. I turned and looked back for a moment at the door. There, framed in the blackness beyond stood an ancient man in the regalia of a high priest such as we left behind us when we stole the world. And the arrow on his bowl was pointed at my heart. So I shot him and fell, kicking. I slapped Liz when she started to cry and we came away. Take a look again at this first fellow I showed you. The bullet in his head. Same one I shot. Never forget his facebook. Well, there isn't much more to tell, is there is? [00:18:32] Speaker E: I think there is. [00:18:33] Speaker D: Oh, that's right. Come in here. I want you to see this world. This little pilver globe that was factioned nearly a thousand years before Columbus was born in a mexican jungle that hasn't even got a name. Come here. Here it is. Quite a thing, isn't it? What? Oh, yes. I managed finally to break the crystal globe. It was in the day, that big earthquake in Japan. It was? Yes. I don't know why it still stays suspended in the air like that. There's reason for it, of course. No, not supernatural. Perfectly natural. If we could only find out why. But there's something else I wanted you to see. Look at it closely. Isn't it beautiful? The continents and relief. See the mountains, the Rockies, the Himalayas over here. And the ocean. Really looks wet, doesn't it? Wonderful workmanship. [00:19:35] Speaker E: Oh, Norman, please. [00:19:36] Speaker D: Liz, here, look at it with a magnifying glass. See anything? No, I guess you can't. You'd have to watch it for a long time to see. I was, well, I'll say surprised when I discovered it for its turning. Turning on its axis once every 24 hours. It's been revolving like that once every 24 hours for a million, million years. Friends, now you see, I have got the greatest treasure the world has ever seen, haven't I? I really did steal the world. And I'll tell you something. The world is mine. Sure. Let anybody do anything I don't like. I'll take care of them. It's my world. Please. You don't believe it? Well, look here. This is a very fine platinum blowpipe. And this is water. Is it? That's the Sahana desert. What? [00:20:51] Speaker E: No, Norman, please don't. [00:20:53] Speaker D: Get away. What? You see? Nothing happened. Is that so? Liz, turn on the radio. There's a news program on now, go ahead. Just be quiet for a second. [00:21:14] Speaker E: Norman, I don't. [00:21:15] Speaker D: Turn it on and be still, all of you. Hope for immediate peace in the holy land. Just a moment, please. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, it is reported that the Sahara desert, the driest place in the world has been suddenly eliminated by widespread cloud bursts of unimagined intensity. The rolling sand dunes of the world's greatest desert are now submerged below hundreds of persons. You see? Sorry if I killed some people, but, well, I may have to kill lots of people someday, so it's practice. Don't believe it. Well, here, take this. Measle? No. Well, watch me. What shall we destroy? No, not a town. We'll wait for that. Besides, I can't pinpoint a town on a globe this size. Exactly. Let's see. What is this? [00:22:16] Speaker E: Norman, please. Please don't. [00:22:17] Speaker D: Liz, will you sit down, please, and shut up? I guess this is fairly uninhabited northern Minnesota. It's all deep forest there and they've never had an earthquake. So. Norman, just dab it a few times with a needle. Feel that. That, friend, is an earthquake a few thousand miles away, a very severe one. Liz, turn up the radio. [00:22:51] Speaker E: I don't want to. [00:22:52] Speaker D: In such a time of world unrest, Mother Nature herself takes a hand and shows her own power. Yes. Oh, no. Ladies and gentlemen, here is another catastrophe. The great Masabi range in northern Minnesota has been completely obliterated. According to first reports of a devastating earthquake that has laid waste thousands of square miles in the United States. Well, what do you think, Norman? I don't know exactly what to do. If I can just keep these high priests. [00:23:21] Speaker E: Norman, please. [00:23:22] Speaker D: Globe long enough, maybe you ought to just sit tight until they've all visited me and I've put them all away, and then I'll be all right. I'd like your opinion, Norman. What do you want? [00:23:37] Speaker E: Norman, the gloves. [00:23:39] Speaker D: Stop bothering. Well, hello, brother priest. Put that down. Put it down, I say. Put it down. Quiet, please. For tonight was called the man who stole a planet. It was written and directed by Willis Cooper. And the man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell. And Hilde Palmer played Liz. The voice on the radio was that of Phil Tonkin. Music for quiet, please, as usual, is played by Albert Berman. Now for the word about next week, our writer director, Willis Cooper. No, nobody is still in the world, really. Everybody in the studio is, at least at this moment, still alive. And while they were on the air, they represented nobody, living or dead, or you wouldn't have lived to hear these stories. So for next week, I've written a story called it's later than you think, and I hope you'll. And so until next week, at the same time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chapel. [00:25:24] Speaker A: That was the man who stole a planet from quiet please here on the mysterious old radio listening society podcast. Once again, I'm Eric. I'm Tim. [00:25:33] Speaker B: And I'm Joshua. [00:25:35] Speaker A: Yes, some good quiet, please. They can't go wrong. Just recently, I don't know if you guys know this, but I did another show with a gentleman we know, Matt Kesson. And it was all a 1 hour show about thing on the forbelboard for his show. And I was brought in to explain what quiet please was to an audience who knew nothing about old time radio and who Willis Cooper was. And I ended up on a divergent path telling him all about son of Frankenstein before I veered back to the point. But yeah, I got to educate a bunch of people that aren't morals listeners or old time radio listeners on what this show was. And it is really funny. [00:26:20] Speaker C: Funny that it's the own little unique flower of how it came to be what it is, why it is the way it is. [00:26:27] Speaker A: And then looking at an audience and saying, so this guy and grabbed this announcer from the show and said, you're going to be the lead and sometimes the only actor in the first person narrative with very little acting experience go. And the end result of that is. And that just leads us into this is. I'm just constantly blown away by how much I can listen to Ernest Chappell read the phone book. It is unbelievable, his ability to act. It's astounding. It's as if someone said to me, you're playing quarterback tomorrow for the Dallas Cowboys. Maybe not that far. Well, yeah, I played in high school and I killed. Like, I was great. This guy was an announcer, but his ability ranks up there with me in the top tens with Conrad and a bunch of other people. It's so good. [00:27:26] Speaker C: I'm not even getting synthesis of him and Cooper creating this character. In this episode in particular. Can folks he tell you the story in the midst of, like, got to kill someone dead? Be right back. To make the most amazing, fantastical sorts of stories. [00:27:45] Speaker B: So relatable. Yeah, I know this guy who has a tiny planet earth in his suburban home. [00:27:52] Speaker A: This isn't always true, but there's a lot of quiet places where Chappell's character is written as, gosh, golly, that's weird. And then he'll snap. [00:28:01] Speaker B: Well, like, beezer's cellar is one where he's just a bad guy on the top. And that's really fun, too. [00:28:06] Speaker A: But, like, forbelboard, where he's like, so, yeah, sit down. I said, sit down. Like, he just all of a sudden turns on a dime and then goes back to, would you like to meet my wife that is in here as well? Like, yeah, got to go kill these zombie priest cops, whatever they are. But we're not even into the story yet. I just wanted to start there. That this man is so great to listen to. And then the way Cooper writes the story, the overlaps of dialogue, how they unveil where they're going, what they're feeling, what's truly happening. It's just such a journey of fun. [00:28:51] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't think anyone in radio creates characters with such originality and at the same time, efficiency as Cooper. In a handful of lines at the top, we've established that this guy is independently wealthy, an amateur archaeologist, arrogant, rude, and keeps dead guys in a cooler. Wait, what? [00:29:18] Speaker A: Right? [00:29:18] Speaker B: And so you not only know who this guy is immediately, but then you're immediately hit with an unexpected plot point. [00:29:25] Speaker D: Right. [00:29:25] Speaker B: And we're off. [00:29:27] Speaker A: We're off. [00:29:28] Speaker B: Yet it's just a guy talking for. [00:29:29] Speaker A: Most of the time and his wife going, okay, please stop. [00:29:37] Speaker C: Just like us. [00:29:38] Speaker A: Just like my life. Yeah. And how it unveils itself slowly. Like, okay, so this is an orb with a recreation of the planet, which I love it's enough to say thousands of years before we discovered the world was circular. Around. Circular, round. They had figured this out. That's cool enough. Okay, so I'm going to pull something out of this, see if you guys agree. I think we're led to believe through the writing, because of the patches on their arm and their insignia, that these are aliens, not Aztecs that had the knots. [00:30:20] Speaker B: I thought you're going to say nazis. [00:30:23] Speaker A: No, they are alien beings, and this is alien technology. It's never really stated. I just kind of got led down that path, that they weren't quite aztec. [00:30:35] Speaker B: Playing into the ancient astronauts that founded the planet. [00:30:40] Speaker A: That's how I felt. But then again, they never state that. [00:30:44] Speaker B: Well, that's what I love about this, is Cooper through the voice of Norman. The character just expresses his lack of interest in the how. Like, when he's talking, know, you're going to think it's supernatural, but then you'll find out it's science and you'll act like you always knew it. And he's basically know it doesn't really matter. [00:31:04] Speaker A: Right. [00:31:05] Speaker B: What matters is the why of it happening right now. [00:31:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:09] Speaker B: It also illuminates his Norman's character in that he's clearly someone who, as a archaeologist, is a treasure hunter. He's not a guy who is interested in adding to human knowledge. Right. He's like, whatever, right? I got this cool stuff, and I'm not giving it back. And the mexican government's not getting it. It's mine. [00:31:31] Speaker A: That's an interesting point of this whole thing, is I have this and I'm not giving it back. And I will fight the zombie guards from Mars or whatever they are. I will fight these dead priests to keep it. And we never really understand why until you start to realize it's power. And that's such a great journey to go on, where you're like, for a while, you'll get the feeling that he's indiana Jones, because I'm not letting them have it. It belongs in a. Like, there's something noble about what he's doing, and I'm not giving this back. And there's nothing to lead us to believe that he's the nefarious one, that he's in the wrong that we're led to believe. [00:32:15] Speaker B: I think your love of adventure characters blinded you to what just an arrogant jerky is almost from two lines in. [00:32:23] Speaker A: Really. [00:32:24] Speaker C: I mean, I think that he has the. In the plus column, he's fighting zombies. [00:32:28] Speaker A: Yeah. I just thought he was like the persecuted one and I got this thing and I need to keep this thing. And I thought we would find out the reason he's saving the world by not letting. [00:32:39] Speaker B: But his wife keeps saying, we really should just give it back. These guys are attacking his house and he's like, no, I'm not going to give it back. [00:32:45] Speaker A: But to me, that was reading as her going, then we could be done with this. [00:32:49] Speaker B: But even the top, he's like, yeah, I got a lot of money. I'm a pretty big guy when it comes to amateur archaeology. And if you haven't heard of me, screw you. You can go listen to another radio show. He basically says it's just right away. To me, he's like, oh, he's not your infallible hero. And that's what excited me. From the top, it's like, oh, we're going to have an archaeologist character who's not a romantic adventurer, but he's more of a greedy, imperialist taker of people's belongings. [00:33:19] Speaker A: So your journey is great. You got that? And you're like, oh, cool, new route. I didn't catch that. And so my journey was also really fun. Reveal. Oh, you're doing this so that you can control the planet. [00:33:33] Speaker B: I should clarify, I'm with you because I don't think from the top, you know, the extent of his evilness. So I'm still shocked by the time he's just causing natural disasters and laughing about it and saying, well, I'm going to have to probably kill a lot of people in my new job as overlord of the earth, so I might as well practice. So his level of psychopathy does come as a surprise as it develops. [00:33:56] Speaker C: It is a version of the way he sees himself is maybe more Indiana Jones like. And to possibly feed into the themes of what guys like this are doing to the planet, of just how stupidly easy it is for him to find this. Like, he has put no effort into actually discovering this secret room and it's practically tumbles into it, right? [00:34:17] Speaker A: I don't even remember how we got there. Right? He's terrible at his job. [00:34:21] Speaker B: I think this has a lot of dark comedy to me, and it never does anything to undermine the suspense, which is what is great about it. But I mean, the whole picture of him bickering a little with his wife, calmly talking to whoever is present, and then he's like, oh, hold on. Or she's like, there's another one at the window. He's like, hold on. You hear windows breaking and suddenly it's this weird sort of Norman Rockwell, Sam Raimi kind of. It just made me laugh, but not in a way that took any of my investment in the scenario away. [00:34:56] Speaker A: If this had come out after Indiana Jones, you would say, oh, they're making fun of Indiana Jones. [00:35:02] Speaker C: It's the same source material. [00:35:04] Speaker B: And it beats Indiana Jones to the famous gun versus sword scene. They're running away, and the priest comes and points the arrow at him, and there's this pause, and he's like, so I shot. [00:35:18] Speaker A: That's the guy. [00:35:19] Speaker C: That's the first guy I shot right there. [00:35:21] Speaker A: You can see the bullet hole in his head. Yeah. [00:35:25] Speaker B: You really know. He has no care for history, culture, like, nothing. He's just like, I got the guy I shot in a freezer, so it. [00:35:35] Speaker A: Gets a step better. All this is great, having a great time, and because of who I am and because I'm such a homie nerd. Minnesota. Hey, quiet, please. Is talking about Minnesota. We're famous. Yay. Taking them mean. [00:35:57] Speaker B: If there's any radio show that a part of our state is obliterated by, I want it to be quiet, please. So I'm very happy. Right? [00:36:04] Speaker A: I did have a nerd moment. Minnesota. I'm 57 years old, and I still get excited. That's where I'm from. [00:36:12] Speaker C: It's us in the sahara. [00:36:15] Speaker B: You are the target. Care eleven audience. [00:36:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:21] Speaker C: Throughout that, these two, they're related. They're the same story, but it's just two lines that are so radically different of, I stole this thing, and it allows me to wield control over the world. And it's horrible. And it is the overarching story that ultimately I muck around with it too much and eventually destroy everything. And then parallel to that, I'm being hunted by zombies. They go together, but they're just different experiences. It feeds into that comedic element. I think you're talking it's absurd farce in some ways. [00:36:56] Speaker B: And then it's also just a straightforward, exotic adventure story. When he flashbacks to going into the temple and describing the walls and everything in really nice language, too. He's sparing no expense in the writing department to sell the mural as something straight from an episode of Escape. And then it gets weird and a. [00:37:16] Speaker C: Little wacky remembering, too, that they actually name checks Lovecraft and doesn't name check gig, but the snake God that lives in the southwest. [00:37:25] Speaker B: Yeah. And Boris Karloff gets a name check. And I don't know, I found it entertaining that I literally just pushed up my glasses before I said this, without even giving your luxo, but it's funny to see that Lovecraft fans were making fun of the word eldritch 65 years ago, right. For some reason, I thought that was really more 20 years after it was published. [00:37:52] Speaker A: Come on, guys. Wasn't the line eldritch, whatever that is? [00:37:56] Speaker B: Yes. It's like you're my brother, Cooper. So, yeah. [00:38:06] Speaker A: Now, correct me if I'm wrong. The things I've learned about Lovecraft I've only learned from you two in the history of this podcast. As I've said many times, I'd never heard the word Lovecraft until eight years ago. We started this podcast. I didn't know what that was. Am I right, though, that Lovecraft really didn't get popular till many, many years after he died? Or his stuff was. Wasn't it, like, not till the 70s? [00:38:33] Speaker C: There was a circle of writers and fans to whom he was a big deal. [00:38:38] Speaker B: He was always kind of a writer's writer. [00:38:40] Speaker A: This is what I'm getting at. Is that a mention of Lovecraft in this episode of quiet, please? Is that not a nod to this show has a similar demographic? [00:38:51] Speaker C: It could be like our audience is the sort of audience that reads comic books and pulp magazines or knows who. [00:38:56] Speaker A: Lovecraft is because we know that it didn't have a huge following, but it had a passionate following, but they didn't get a sponsor. But there were more requests for scripts from quiet, please to the network than any other radio show ever. [00:39:11] Speaker D: Right. [00:39:11] Speaker A: They're inundated, but it was a small amount of people. I'm wondering if they knew there was Lovecraft people and these people, and we have this niche, so they're kind of spoon feeding a little. [00:39:22] Speaker B: I'm pretty sure that I read the Necronomicon, gets a name check in Cooper's unused son of Frankenstein. [00:39:29] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, it did. [00:39:29] Speaker B: Script. So he was a Lovecraft fan. [00:39:33] Speaker A: Yeah. There was a lot in Cooper's Frankenstein script that didn't make it in all of it. Pretty much all of it. Well, he was rewriting. Oh, see, and I'm going down the son of Frankenstein path. Yeah. The director was rewriting it on the set. Just here, read this instead. [00:39:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Just make some stuff up. [00:39:54] Speaker A: Right. And thank God he did. I love you, Willis Cooper, but God, I love son of Frankenstein. [00:39:58] Speaker B: I wish they both existed. [00:40:00] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:40:01] Speaker A: I'd like to see the different versions. [00:40:03] Speaker C: Of Frankenstein and the other son of Frankenstein. [00:40:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:05] Speaker B: Is that script redheaded stepson of Frankenstein? [00:40:09] Speaker A: Does the original script exist, I wonder? [00:40:11] Speaker B: It does. In some obscure, out of print like collection of Frankenstein memorabilia that I found information about and an excerpt from online, but I haven't been able to hunt down or find a copy of the book. [00:40:24] Speaker C: Would it be Library of Congress? Could you find it there? [00:40:26] Speaker D: Maybe? [00:40:27] Speaker B: Possibly. [00:40:28] Speaker A: I would love to just read Cooper's original script. [00:40:32] Speaker B: Yeah, it would be great to find out what the rights are to that. Probably with universal be gargantuanly expensive, but it'd be fun to do a radio adaptation. [00:40:41] Speaker A: Hell yeah. Cooper's let's just do it and see if they show up. As we know that happens. [00:40:51] Speaker B: We've been so successful rebooting the universal monsters, we can't have this small group interfering. [00:40:59] Speaker A: So anyway, what else do we want to say about this episode other than love? Is there any? [00:41:06] Speaker C: I'm glad you named it as this is. In a lot of ways, comedy costs. Also in that way of, like, I just put some water in Sahara, turn on the news immediately. Like, Sahara's flooding it. Is that slapstick kind of pacing, right? [00:41:22] Speaker B: Which I loved about it because it's tempered by just how psycho and horrible what he's doing is. If his crime were less than that and he was turning on the news, it would kill the whole story. It's because it's so heightened. The horror matches the slapstick in a way that's, to me, really compelling and strangely unsettling and funny. [00:41:45] Speaker C: And I feel like the ending didn't really go out of its way to point explicitly at, like, so this is what happened. It just, like, inevitably what you knew was going to happen happened, right? [00:41:57] Speaker B: And everyone died. Hilarious. [00:42:00] Speaker A: But the entire premise is so basic. But such a great way of telling this basic fable. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. And that's all this is. [00:42:12] Speaker B: What's great about it is because of the way Cooper releases the information. You don't guess the ending until it's just fine to guess the ending because clearly, once he's causing these natural disasters and talking about killing everybody, he's out of control. He's just going to drop kick the earth. He's going to sit on it and he's going to do something lunatic. And then you also know you've got the other plot thread out there of the endless horde of tiny, shrunken zombie priests. [00:42:42] Speaker C: Try to assume somewhere in the distant past some mayan emperor was like, you think this be enough? Like an army of zombies that'll take care of it? Like, sure, of course. [00:42:54] Speaker A: Right? [00:42:55] Speaker C: That's plenty. We don't need anything else. [00:42:57] Speaker B: Bring me another beer enema. It's the mayan beer enema. We'll get into that later. [00:43:04] Speaker A: Did they invent that? I thought it was my buddy Roger in college. [00:43:09] Speaker B: Nobody was a mayan studies major. [00:43:13] Speaker A: All right, let's vote. [00:43:15] Speaker C: Tim, I will not call this a classic because so many other episodes of quiet please are so perfecter. But this stands test of time. It's so fun, it's so good without. [00:43:28] Speaker A: Any bs that it was exactly almost word for word what I was going to say all those words almost in that order. [00:43:38] Speaker B: So what you said, I think it's a classic for me in that I think it's actually more representative of Cooper's work than the ones we hold up as classics, which are really more of outliers. And I think it is perfectly done. I think what makes maybe the hesitancy toward classic is by definition, for a classic, you're comparing it to others and I don't know what the hell to compare this to. [00:44:04] Speaker D: Right. [00:44:05] Speaker B: It is so dark. [00:44:06] Speaker A: Well, you can. [00:44:07] Speaker B: And weird and still suspenseful and funny. And I just love it. It's exactly aimed at me through 60 years of time. Like, this is Josh Nip. [00:44:20] Speaker D: Josh Nip. [00:44:21] Speaker B: Combination of elements. So I am certainly biased, but oh, I love it. This has jumped up into like my top three. Quiet please. [00:44:29] Speaker A: Wow. [00:44:29] Speaker B: I love it. [00:44:30] Speaker A: And I think you bring up a great point, as Tim and I both said. Yeah, there's so many great. Quiet please. How can you compare quiet please when it's got no know, it's got no structure? I mean, it does somewhat, but what I'm saying is such a wide range that it's hard to compare. [00:44:46] Speaker B: What is your favorite? Quiet please. Well, you have fourble board, Tim. [00:44:51] Speaker C: Probably forbleboard for me as well. [00:44:52] Speaker A: But there's a lot I love. I mean, there's been some other great ones. There's been a couple like northern lights is good when they turn into flowers. That's the one I don't like. [00:45:02] Speaker B: I really love that. [00:45:03] Speaker A: I know you love that one. That one was not great. [00:45:06] Speaker C: I like Beezer seller. [00:45:08] Speaker A: Beezer cellar is great. [00:45:09] Speaker B: We should do the quiet please is great podcast. Just say the name of episodes and go. [00:45:15] Speaker D: That was awesome. [00:45:18] Speaker A: That's what this just became. Tim, tell them different stuff. [00:45:23] Speaker C: Hey, please go visit ghoulishdelights.com. That's the home of this podcast. You can listen to other podcasts we've done. You can even use the tools on the webpage select. I just want to know what quiet please episodes you've done so you can see like does what I actually said when we listened to those match up with what we said just now. If you have a lot of time and you want to explore that, you can also vote in polls. Let us know what you think. You can leave comments, you can link to our social media pages, you can link to our threadless store and get swag. And you can link to our Patreon page. [00:45:53] Speaker B: Yes, please go to patreon.com slash themrals and support this podcast. We have all sorts of amazing benefits. That said, marty Croft, watch along being top of the list. [00:46:08] Speaker A: Oh, God, we say it three times. [00:46:10] Speaker B: It'S going to be true. Yeah. And if you support us at the $50 level, you will get a tiny replica earth. Yes, mummified versions of the three of us will hunt you down. [00:46:25] Speaker A: We pretty much are already mummified versions of ourselves. [00:46:29] Speaker B: It's happening. [00:46:31] Speaker A: If you'd like to see us performing live, please come see us perform live. Mysterious old radio listening society theater company does on stage audio drama and classic recreations or recreations of classic radio drama? The recreations. If they're classic, that's up to you. But we do recreations of classic radio drama and a lot of our. [00:46:52] Speaker B: You're doing great. [00:46:53] Speaker A: I know our own original work. Go to ghoulishdelights.com to see where we're performing on stage. And when. And if you can't make it to any of those shows, for whatever reason, become a Patreon because we film them, and then you can watch it that way because that's part of being a Patreon, getting access to our live or our film stage performances. What is coming up next? [00:47:16] Speaker B: Next, we have a listener request, and we will be listening to an episode of suspense entitled the Crisis of Dirk diamond. Until then. [00:47:25] Speaker E: Norman. [00:47:26] Speaker D: What do you want? [00:47:27] Speaker E: Norman, the gloves. [00:47:29] Speaker D: Stop bothering. Well, hello, brother Priest. Put that down. Put it down, I say. Put it down. [00:47:41] Speaker B: And everyone died. Hilarious.