Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello, creeps. Your mysterious old hosts are taking a few weeks off to enjoy the summer and attend to various and sundry theatrical projects. In the meantime, we invite you to enjoy a selection of episodes from our Patreon Only back catalog.
This week we present a true oddity, a never before released pilot for our unmade Columbo podcast.
If you enjoy the mysterious old Radio Listening Society and want to hear more in depth discussions of old time radio along with outliers like this Columbo episode, please visit patreon.com themorals and become a member today.
[00:00:51] Speaker B: Hi.
Is this your dog?
Yeah, I guess it is.
How would you like it if somebody locked you up like that with the windows closed and everything? Well, I didn't want him to get out.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: Okay, then leave the window open and crack.
[00:01:04] Speaker B: Okay. It's a good idea. You see, this happens to be my first dog and I just haven't gotten onto the ropes yet.
What's his name?
You know, I don't know the name yet. What do you think about Fido? Oh, wow. How'd you ever think of that one?
Bethel?
Would you like to be called Bethel?
Hmm, guess not.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: A podcast named Dog.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: Oh, wow. How'd you ever think of that one?
Welcome to the inaugural episode of A Podcast Named Dog, a series dedicated to investigating the mysterious appeal of our favorite TV detective, Columbo. I'm Eric.
[00:02:04] Speaker C: I'm Tim.
[00:02:04] Speaker A: And I'm Joshua. We love a great Columbo episode. The format, the performances, the dialogue, the plot twists and the whole 70s vibe.
Or the 80s 90s vibe for later seasons? Does this episode put it all together for a perfect solution, or is it just one more thing to grouse about? That's what we're here to find out.
[00:02:29] Speaker C: Today we'll be discussing the first episode of the show's second season, Etude in Black. Steven Bochko wrote this script, while show creators Richard Levinson and William Link are credited with the story. Bochko would later work with Michael Kozol to create Hill Street Blues and with Terry Louise Fisher to create LA Law.
Other Bochco productions include Doogie Howser, M.D. cop Rock and NYPD Blue.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: As with just about every episode of Columbo, Etude in Black features an amazing array of guest stars. Gentlemen, who do we have in the cast?
[00:03:02] Speaker C: Today we have Blythe Danner playing Janice Benedict. Danner has won two Primetime Emmy Awards, and for her Broadway performance in Butterflies Are Free, she won a Tony Award in 1970. In addition to a film, TV and stage career that has spanned more than 50 years. She also has two children, Jake and Gwyneth Paltrow.
[00:03:22] Speaker A: The one and only Myrna Loy appears as Lizzie Fielding, Janice Benedict's mother. Loy's first film role was back in 1925, but it wasn't until 1934 that she would take on her most memorable role, Nora Charles from the Thin man series of films. She continued to perform in films and television for over 60 years until she passed away and in 1993.
[00:03:47] Speaker C: Pat Morita makes a brief cameo appearance. Although he had a few film credits when he appeared in Columbo, he was primarily known as a stand up comedian. At this point. He would of course go on to play Arnold Takahashi in happy days, Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid films, as well as many other roles in playing.
[00:04:04] Speaker A: The role of Alexander Benedict. John Cassavetes is the episode's contribution to the Murderer's Row. In addition to helping to pioneer independent cinema in America, Cassavetes was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role in the Dirty Dozen and would later earn nominations as both a writer and a director.
He frequently collaborated with Peter Folk on his films and the two were close friends.
[00:04:31] Speaker C: Before we begin our discussion of Etude in Black, just in case it's been a while since you've seen the episode, allow us to refresh your memory with a dramatic reenactment of the crime with this installment of Perfect Murder Theater.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: As the story begins, the first part of my plan to murder this woman is to play the piano. Then I smoke a cigarette. Then I go upstairs. Then I turn on a lamp. Then I pour a drink. Then I sit down. Then I turn on the radio.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: You can probably skip all this.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: These are vital details. Vital. Where was I? I turn on the radio. Then I drink. Then I turn up the radio. Then I stand up and get my briefcase. I unlock my desk with a set of keys attached to what might be a burnt marshmallow keychain. I pull out a towel and put it in my briefcase. I put on a pair of gloves and then retrieve a typewritten suicide note on a piece of stationary with Jennifer Wells printed on it.
[00:05:29] Speaker A: Ooh, now we're getting to it.
[00:05:31] Speaker B: Now I put the note in the briefcase, followed by the gloves. I take the case downstairs, get in my fancy car.
[00:05:38] Speaker A: It's a Jaguar.
[00:05:39] Speaker B: I. I drive to a repair shop. Hello, Governor.
[00:05:42] Speaker C: I'm your repairman.
[00:05:43] Speaker B: He's British.
[00:05:45] Speaker C: What seems to be the problem?
[00:05:48] Speaker B: Would it help if I described it with vague orchestra metaphors?
[00:05:52] Speaker A: I'll get right on it.
[00:05:54] Speaker C: Can I give you a ride?
[00:05:55] Speaker B: No, my wife is. Hold on.
I do not need a ride because my wife is giving me a ride, after which I will not have access to her car.
Beep beep, there she is. I have to wash my hands.
[00:06:11] Speaker A: That's a little weird.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: I go into the bathroom and I unlock the window but don't open it.
[00:06:16] Speaker C: I always get yelled at when I don't open the window.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: Then my wife drives me to the Hollywood bowl where I'll be conducting a symphony. I tell her lewd anecdotes about composers. I'm a jerk to the producers. And then I make sure that everyone knows that I will be in my room alone until 8pm and I must not be disturbed. This way everyone will want to avoid me because I seem like a volatile.
[00:06:42] Speaker A: Artistic genius or a 13 year old boy.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: Then everything goes blurry and suddenly I'm wearing a tuxedo.
[00:06:50] Speaker C: That's usually how I get out of tuxedos.
[00:06:52] Speaker B: Also, I'm wearing a distinctive looking boutonniere. Then I sneak out, run to the repair shop which is closed, sneak into the bathroom, but first lower the hydraulic lift holding my car, open the garage, drive out, stop, get out of the car, close the garage door.
[00:07:09] Speaker A: Are you going to kill someone?
[00:07:11] Speaker B: Soon I drive to Jennifer Wells house. She's playing the piano and I sneak up on her and kill her. I give her a big hug, but I scared her and she says I.
[00:07:22] Speaker C: Was feeling all the hairs on the.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: Back of my neck and I say that's just sex.
[00:07:27] Speaker A: That's very weird.
[00:07:29] Speaker C: I'm so glad you decided to divorce your wife.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: If I divorce my wife, I lose her mother's money and support.
[00:07:35] Speaker C: But if you don't, I'll ruin you with our scandalous affair. I just knew that threatening you with an ultimatum was the perfect way for us to be together. What other option do you have?
[00:07:46] Speaker B: Face the other way for a second. Okay. And then I hit her with an ashtray. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I put on my gloves, wrapped the ashtray in a towel I brought and then I hit her in the back of the head, shocking her cockatoo.
[00:08:02] Speaker C: Oh, I saw shocking her cockatoo. Open for flesh for Lulu at First Avenue. They were so good.
[00:08:07] Speaker B: Then I drag her body into the kitchen. I blow out every pilot light on the stove and then turn on the gas. I stage her body so it appears as if she's flying, fallen out of a stool and struck her head against the floor.
I test it myself and end up lying on top of her super weird. Mm. I insert the suicide note into her typewriter and take the phone off the hook. Then I leave, walking past a girl and her dog in broad daylight. I get back into my super conspicuous car and drive back to the repair shop, restoring it to its place. Finally, I run back to my dressing room in time to conduct the orchestra and eventually noticing that somewhere along the line, I lost my super distinctive boutonniere.
Eh. Eh. Perfect crime, huh?
[00:09:00] Speaker A: That was more or less the setup to Etude in Black, an episode which was first broadcast September 17, 1972, and which features the debut of Dog, for whom this podcast was named. And now let's get into it, boys. How do you think the investigation went?
[00:09:20] Speaker B: Here's the first observation I have. Yes, this is the 8 millionth story I have seen, be it a movie or TV show or a cartoon, where the conductor is just an asshole, leading me to believe that all conductors of orchestras are assholes.
[00:09:43] Speaker C: So you think if you're in an orchestra and you see Bugs Bunny coming up, you think, oh, thank God.
[00:09:48] Speaker B: Right?
[00:09:49] Speaker C: This is the good one.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:09:51] Speaker B: Think about it. I have yet to see an episode of Law and Order where they go and interview the guy that conducts an orchestra, which is about four of them, and they're always the murderer and they're always such jerks to everybody. Have you ever seen a conductor portrayed as a really nice, giving person?
[00:10:08] Speaker A: I'm sure some conductor has written an autobiography in which he was screaming at people. Yes.
He's like, it was called I'm gonna tell you my life is an asshole.
[00:10:18] Speaker B: I'm gonna tell you there's conductors out there that are like, will you please stop portraying me? I tap on the thing, go, hey, could you crescendo a little more? Thank you.
Like, there's gotta be nice conductors.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: Well, here's my deal with conductors. And I've read a couple reviews of this episode that gave John Dirty Dozen guy, that guy John, some stick for his bad conductor acting. And to me, all conductors look ridiculous. It seems very performative. It seems like they want to say, I'm working hard too, even though I don't have an instrument.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:10:58] Speaker A: To me, it's like a guy riding in the passenger seat of a race car making pedaling gestures the entire time.
[00:11:05] Speaker C: I didn't realize I was gonna be the one to defend conductors here.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: Joshua and I, I, that's the most we've ever agreed on anything. Yeah, I can't agree more. I think it's a made up profession.
[00:11:16] Speaker C: One I have to give a little Sympathy to anyone who has to play conductor because they have to wave the stick around. They have to do the conducting motions, make these choices. And the editors just don't care.
[00:11:26] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:26] Speaker C: If what you're doing matches the music or not.
[00:11:29] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:30] Speaker C: But I went to a school and was part of the choir that had a pretty extensive music department, and so we'd get student conductors in.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:11:38] Speaker C: And I got to know, like, oh, I get now why conductors do what they do, that they have one arm, that this is the arm that keeps time. One arm that is meant to gesture to whichever instrument is supposed to be doing whatever particularly important thing that they are.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: Sort of doesn't the music in front of you tell you what you're supposed to do and how fast?
[00:11:54] Speaker C: If you had a play with, like, 80 people on stage, and in theory, they would have rehearsed, but.
Okay, so if I had a play with 80 people on stage, clearly we didn't rehearse.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:10] Speaker C: But I'm on stage there, so I can gesture to them. You suck less. You over there, be expressive.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Here's the thing. I think directors are useless as well.
[00:12:22] Speaker B: We're two for two over here.
No, hold on. And I know we're trying to be funny a little bit here, but seriously.
[00:12:29] Speaker C: This was not the conversation I thought we'd be having.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: No, this is where it starts. And this is where. Listen, if they've rehearsed it and they have the music in front of them, are they actually looking up and going, oh, thank God he's doing a thing? Because I have no idea what this is supposed to be doing.
[00:12:44] Speaker C: It's not so much like, do I need to know? What he wants me to do right now is there's 80 of us. We all got to be on one page.
And I can watch the guy next to me and the guy next to me on the other side, but I can't watch the whole orchestra. So the whole orchestra watches this one.
[00:13:01] Speaker B: Guy who's just keeping beat with his right hand.
[00:13:04] Speaker C: That's kind of the dirty secret is mostly he just keeps beat.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: And that goes back to my original point, all jokes aside, that I feel conductors are overly performative. They would not need to be quite as dramatic as they are.
They are like, upstaging.
[00:13:20] Speaker B: A big stick attached to a metronome.
[00:13:23] Speaker A: Could do the same thing.
Wow. I mean, right?
A metronome, look, with tails. Right.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: But you put a flag on it. Look here.
[00:13:34] Speaker C: Probably just like, oh, metronome is so exaggerated.
[00:13:38] Speaker B: You know, who's not gonna be a Patreon?
[00:13:41] Speaker A: Conductors Yes.
[00:13:43] Speaker B: We've lost all conductors.
[00:13:44] Speaker A: Train conductors, too.
I just hate conductors.
[00:13:50] Speaker B: Also my electrical outlets.
They don't do anything.
All right, away from that.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: That's our new Columbo podcast.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: But am I right in that conductors are very, very rarely. I can't remember ever them being portrayed as really nice people.
[00:14:11] Speaker A: No, you're right.
[00:14:12] Speaker C: They're always jerk is a common trope.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: And maybe they are the same, though.
[00:14:17] Speaker A: Is can be said of directors. We made the joke earlier about directors. That was only half a joke on my part. But, you know, I think it's because they're the in charge of law and order again artists. Right. So, like, by definition, they're a wily group of people. And so they are often portrayed and probably in real life have to be more of a disciplinarian.
[00:14:41] Speaker C: But specifically in Columbo choosing to have a conductor as the antagonist, Columbo is always this iconoclast who's set against authority figures.
There would be no purpose in having a really nice guy conductor.
[00:14:58] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying they could pick a lot of people to write a story about who commit murder.
[00:15:03] Speaker C: Or they could have two conductors like the nice one and the.
[00:15:06] Speaker B: Right.
There's never a good guy conductor who's. He's always the murderer.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: But like, conductors and directors are like the equivalent of management though, right? Because they take credit for the work of the whole.
[00:15:20] Speaker B: Yep. Like coaches in sports.
[00:15:22] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: Which also overrated.
[00:15:27] Speaker C: You know, for all the directing I've done, like. Yeah. It's a lot of credit I got for that.
So much credit.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: All right, I want to talk about the guest stars really quick.
Myrna Loy. Not Myrna Loy. I don't want to start with her. I want to start with Blythe Danning.
Two things. First, I didn't know that Gwyneth Paltrow was her kid.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: I had no idea she was pregnant with Gwyneth Paltrow during this. Because I read that later. Because I went, is she pregnant?
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:55] Speaker A: There's some scenes where she's carrying her jacket over her front and things like that.
[00:16:00] Speaker B: So I never knew that about Gwyneth Paltrow.
[00:16:02] Speaker A: Second, I stared at was birthed from another woman.
[00:16:05] Speaker B: Yes.
But I'm looking at Blythaner and I can't remember what it is that I remember her most from. And I thought it would be in her intro.
And it wasn't what the parents Meet the Parents.
[00:16:19] Speaker A: No, that was a big comedy movie.
[00:16:22] Speaker C: She won her Emmys for a show called Huff.
[00:16:24] Speaker B: Nope.
[00:16:25] Speaker C: But she's Been in so many Grace.
[00:16:28] Speaker B: Nope.
[00:16:29] Speaker C: She's more ubiquitous than a lot of stuff.
[00:16:32] Speaker A: I know star that is associated with a single performance.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: Right. I'm just trying to trigger in my head, aha, that's where I know you from.
[00:16:39] Speaker C: Columbo, Colombo, maybe.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: It was. All right, second. I'm watching this woman and I'm going, where do I know her from?
And I can't figure it out. But then I stopped thinking about it because her performance is exquisite.
And then later I went, oh, it's Myrna Loy.
But I was looking at her going, where do I know her? Where do I know her? Where do I. You know, like, I'm really familiar and her style and how she talked and everything. But then I. I just went, I don't care anymore.
I love you, whoever you are. It's such a good performance in that scene.
[00:17:16] Speaker C: Looking at, like, what's her resume? And a femme fatale Starting in 1925.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:23] Speaker C: And this is 45 years later.
Close to 50 years later. And, like, she's awesome.
[00:17:29] Speaker B: So she was around during prohibition, so he was right.
Yeah. She's fantastic in that scene.
Colombo and the trumpet guy. And she's just sitting there, angry trumpet man. Yeah, angry trumpet man again. You ever seen a trumpet guy portrayed? No, I'm just.
But she's so good in that.
[00:17:51] Speaker A: My favorite scene with her is the scene in the restaurant where she's having dinner with her daughter. And the newspaper men, or not men, they're the people who own the newspapers, come walking in, and she does damage control to make sure there aren't going to be storage about the dead pianist. And that is that moment where you realize she's a protective mother, but she's not protective of her daughter. She's protecting the orchestra. Is her child that she cares about?
[00:18:21] Speaker B: She even says it later. Yeah, the orchestra first.
[00:18:26] Speaker A: Yeah. But in that moment, you realize, oh, and just how controlling she is. And then it's also a great scene because you realize not only is Janice really under the thumb of Alex, the conductor, the maestro, who tells her that all her worries about other women are silly, she's also treated the same way by her mother. And it's really kind of a sad scene where her mother just goes, oh, who cares about that woman? Because she asks, would men find her attractive, do you think? Like, she was a pianist, she matters nothing. And then she goes, let me order for you.
And the scene cuts away. Yeah, this poor woman.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: Yep. But she seems less controlling and more approachable and more likable in the other Scene with angry trumpet guy. Do you know what I mean?
[00:19:14] Speaker A: Well, yeah, because he's so pathetic.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: I'm just saying how she approached that scene as an actor. Possibly she's less cantankerous.
[00:19:24] Speaker A: Well, the thing is, she's also in the position.
[00:19:27] Speaker C: She is being magnanimous in that scene.
[00:19:29] Speaker A: Well. And also in each scene, she's in control. And so it depends who else is in that scene. She's utterly in control of the scene with her daughter. But you feel sympathetic toward her daughter. She's utterly in control in the scene with Paul, the stoner drunk trumpet player.
[00:19:44] Speaker C: And you don't feel trumpet players are always stoners drunks.
[00:19:47] Speaker A: You don't feel a lot of sympathy for him at that point because he comes out with a great excuse for his being charged with assaulting a woman. That is one of those things where the explanation raises far more questions than the actual charge. And you just should have been quiet.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: It's like, where were you that you were caught off guard by a woman trying to steal your wallet while you.
[00:20:11] Speaker A: Were asleep and you just woke up swinging and connected with her? And that's the end of my defense.
[00:20:19] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:20] Speaker B: Where was this?
So here's something for this inaugural podcast. I want to get out of the way. Awesome. I've seen a lot of Colombo. I know the shtick. But I haven't really sat down and watched Colombo like, I should. Right. Like, all of them.
[00:20:37] Speaker C: You're gonna.
[00:20:38] Speaker B: I know, but, like, if it's on and I have time and that strikes me at that moment, I'll go, oh, yeah, I'll watch that. And then I watch it. That was great.
But I'm not like, it's not like Law and Order with me or Star.
[00:20:54] Speaker C: Trek or, you know, they're Cop Rock, Doogie Howser.
[00:20:57] Speaker B: Right.
But you know those things that, like, I know.
I know this really well, but I don't know know it. So there's some interesting things I'm going to learn. For example, I was unaware of the whole dog thing when we named the podcast this, and I didn't know. And then when we watch it, and then I went, oh, this is the first one where he gets his dog and that he has a dog named Dog. Just not something that clicks with me that I remember now. I do kind of. All right, his dog, the big basset hound or whatever it is.
[00:21:26] Speaker A: So stuff that talks so much.
[00:21:28] Speaker B: Yeah, he's a good actor. So there's going to be these things that I'm not quite an aficionado on and probably I should know more about those kind of things.
[00:21:40] Speaker A: If you're trying to say don't judge you. No, too late.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: It actually is leading to this next thing. I don't have enough knowledge of it to say, is this something they did constantly or just this episode and that is giving away clues with camera snaps to him recognizing his boutonniere is gone. To a close up of the boutonniere on the floor when he does the girlfriend's phone number and they snap the camera into her face.
The clue zoom. Yeah, I like it better when they just kind of float by me. And then the detective in a show tells me later, oh, that's right, I didn't catch it. And this is hitting us over the head with the clues.
[00:22:26] Speaker C: Interesting to me.
[00:22:27] Speaker B: Do they do this in all the episodes?
[00:22:28] Speaker C: They experiment a lot. They do all kinds of things.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:22:32] Speaker C: Was it just me in this one? Was like it was so obvious, almost pointedly obvious about the boutonniere.
[00:22:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:42] Speaker C: And talking to the producer and like I have cameras on me all the time during this concert. It's clear as day. I don't have the boutonniere.
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Right.
[00:22:50] Speaker C: But I forgot that there's cameras on him to show that he had it on his way out of the of the house.
[00:22:54] Speaker B: Oh, I caught that right away. I went, oh, he's on camera and he's got that boutonniere on.
And I get that that all Columbos, we pretty much know who the guy is. But I like more of finding out how they figured it out than we.
[00:23:08] Speaker C: Had to me in this one is this. This one, the air quotes Perfect Murder had a lot of flaws in it. It had a lot of problems.
So I wasn't so much amazed that Columbo navigated through all the twists and turns and found it. But the earlier part where he manages to get enough proof or is convincing enough to make it not a suicide, that was the part of the story that interest me in that initial little conversation. That scene about this is what the police report gives me.
This is what her scrapbook tells me.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: Well, that's fascinating from a story point of view, but it's also to my recollection and I have watched all these Columbos out of order in over years. So I am far from a expert on the linear Columbo canon. But it seems to me, based on my memory, to be a rare moment where we see Columbo being very genuine. I can't think of a lot of scenes where he takes any time to talk about or muse on the victim. And here we see that he is making a real connection.
[00:24:23] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:24:24] Speaker A: With this woman. I mean, he's obsessed with her eyes. Bedroom eyes. Beautiful eyes.
He likes her eyes.
But there's a sadness here. And because he's not putting on a show for any suspects, it's just a peer who's sitting there. I feel like you can read that from an audience point of view as Columbo genuinely describing some of his motives and some of his perspectives on murder.
And he says that he's paranoiac. If I see a dead body, I'm convinced it's been murdered. And he also has that sweet line that for me, I would like to see everyone die of old age. And so has that twist.
[00:25:10] Speaker C: No, I want to watch them die.
[00:25:12] Speaker A: Of old with a drink in my hand and some popcorn.
Especially conductors.
But most of the time that you see Columbo, he is in performance mode. And part of the appeal of the character is, you know, what's real Columbo and what is show Columbo. And is he like that at home with his work wife? And so this was a great peek into Columbo, the real. At home.
[00:25:39] Speaker B: At home.
Because he's with his captain or buddy. I love that guy by the sergeant.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: I think he's a. Yeah, I think.
[00:25:46] Speaker B: That guy was really odd.
Go back and watch it. The character choices as an actor, his voice, his body movement. It was odd. He was odd, man. Like, no. No one caught that.
[00:26:00] Speaker A: Go.
[00:26:00] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:26:01] Speaker C: The. The supporting actors throughout the whole series are just this weird mix of genius.
[00:26:09] Speaker A: And not genius and not actors. Like the.
[00:26:13] Speaker C: Carlos.
[00:26:13] Speaker A: Yes, Carlos. But also the.
[00:26:16] Speaker C: Sorry if Carlos wasn't an actor. Who really captured the spirit of Guard.
[00:26:21] Speaker A: The orchestra board meeting, where it was like they ran out of money. They spent it all in Myrna Loy and location shooting at the Hollywood bowl. And the. The, like board members were just like the sandwich crew or something.
It was not a stellar performance as they sat and very woodenly argued their points.
[00:26:42] Speaker B: Yes.
Here's an interesting thing. I don't know if this was true of the time or if they made it up for the show, but apparently all of America tuned in for a good classical music broadcast.
[00:26:54] Speaker C: Oh, and want to watch it over and over again?
[00:26:56] Speaker B: Watch it over and over again.
I don't believe it had. I love classical music. It's pretty much all I listen to, just so you know.
[00:27:04] Speaker C: So my grandparents were so addicted to Lawrence Welk.
[00:27:07] Speaker B: Lawrence Welk. That's one that. But that ain't classical music.
What I'm saying is I don't think it's as popular as they were making it look.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: However, they did try to do a sneaky cover for that because. Did you see the marquee in the early scene as the maestro and his wife are walking toward the Hollywood bowl, says young people's concert.
Like he's some sort of cutting edge. Cutting edge classical music composer that is really drawing in the crowds. And then later, the vet did. He's watching it on. On public television.
[00:27:44] Speaker B: Right.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: So this isn't. This isn't on cbs. Really big with veterinarians.
[00:27:48] Speaker B: So all of this goes. Again, this is not a gigantic popular thing. It's on PBS for starters.
[00:27:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:56] Speaker B: Second, I know there was only four channels back then, but it.
[00:27:59] Speaker A: I just. And what's actually popular? I think they make the joke in the first visit to the vet that he's working late hours, which is why he's able to see Dog. Because his wife won't let him watch concerts at home. She's watching what most people watch, mystery shows. So she's. The vet's wife is at home watching her husband in Colombo.
[00:28:25] Speaker B: That was my brain. Yeah.
[00:28:27] Speaker A: One of the.
[00:28:28] Speaker B: Oh, I'm sorry. I looked it up. I just want to make this really clear. There's absolutely no evidence of Beethoven being a sex maniac. None. And when you actually look that up online, all the references are to this episode of Columbo referring. Is that true?
So that's a weird little thing they made up in there.
[00:28:51] Speaker A: I Googled a lot after watching this, but it was not Beethoven. Sex maniac.
[00:28:57] Speaker B: Oh, there's a website I can't scrub.
All of his references is anecdotes about composers. I looked all of them up.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: It was funny because they mentioned Beethoven is a sex addict, and then Beethoven is later one of the names that Columbo considers for Dog.
I had that nightmarish moment where I thought of an alternate universe in which Charles Groden played Combo.
[00:29:25] Speaker B: Ah, that movie.
[00:29:28] Speaker A: Sorry.
[00:29:29] Speaker C: What's your verdict?
[00:29:30] Speaker A: Killed the podcast with a Beethoven film franchise reference.
[00:29:33] Speaker C: What is your verdict on child actor?
[00:29:36] Speaker A: I thought that was really charming and funny. I liked it.
Is it controversial?
[00:29:40] Speaker B: No, no.
[00:29:41] Speaker A: I just.
[00:29:43] Speaker C: It was such a strong choice of, like. The Precocious level is high.
[00:29:47] Speaker A: It's high. She comes right out of the gate like, I know my rights. I know animal rights. I know all the rights.
[00:29:53] Speaker B: Precocious is really a grates on me fast with child actors. And you're right, she comes out of the gate flying, and nothing about her bothered me. Yeah, she was. I didn't go, oh, child actor stuff.
[00:30:07] Speaker A: There's a moment where I rewound it several times that I was convinced that Peter Falk almost broke.
And that is when he goes to talk to her in the dance studio and she has. He says, I gotta tell you something, I'm very impressed with you. And she goes, is it my body or my mind?
[00:30:24] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:30:25] Speaker A: And then Columbo says, it's both. No, seriously, give me a break. And there's that moment where you see this smile on his face where I thought for sure he was gonna just crack up laughing. I seriously doubt. Give me a break was in the script. I think that was him going, kid, you're killing me.
[00:30:45] Speaker B: Right.
I got obsessed with that scene of watching the kids in the dance class and the dance instructor in the mirror behind them. Because all I could think about is, first of all, they shot that scene how many times, and their job was, you're on camera because you're in this giant mirror. Just keep dancing. Just keep dancing. Just keep moving. And I couldn't stop watching them as extras, which I have a huge problem with in general. I can't take my eyes off extras. I want to catch funny, weird extra stuff.
So anyway, I don't know what that scene was about.
[00:31:27] Speaker C: I was a little fascinated by the.
The dance teacher's adept handling of a person comes into the studio. Yes, I understand. They want that person. I get that person's attention. I navigate all this, getting these people together without speaking a word or stopping dancing.
[00:31:45] Speaker B: Just a nod.
[00:31:46] Speaker A: It's like, so homicide detectives must regularly stop by his ballet class and interrogate 12 year olds.
[00:31:54] Speaker C: Which one do you want, Sandy?
[00:31:56] Speaker B: It's you this week.
[00:32:02] Speaker A: Well, we have yet to talk about my two favorite scenes in this episode, so I'm gonna just pull the trigger on it. Scene one.
And I read somewhere that this was a filler scene that the network wanted to expand the length of Columbo because it was so popular and they could get more advertising dollars.
[00:32:23] Speaker C: Hour and a half length total, including advertising, to two hours total with this episode.
[00:32:29] Speaker A: But it was filmed as if it was going to be an hour and a half. And they went back and added scenes.
[00:32:34] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:32:35] Speaker A: And the scene that they are. One scene that I read that they added is my. Is one of my two favorites. And that is when he goes to the conductor, the maestro's house, and confronts him.
[00:32:48] Speaker C: It's the paparina scene, too.
[00:32:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:50] Speaker B: What scene?
[00:32:51] Speaker C: Pat Morita.
[00:32:52] Speaker B: Oh, that's such padding.
[00:32:55] Speaker A: Oh, but it's such a brilliant scene to me.
[00:32:57] Speaker C: It's we. Okay, we need like a five, ten minutes. You two improvise, right?
[00:33:02] Speaker A: Because he comes in and the only narrative information. Because now I found it out retroactively, but they're handcuffed because they've completed it. There's no real significant information to add other than autograph. There's nothing in here. So what they go with is like, well, we're gonna establish his wealth, which had already been established.
[00:33:21] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:33:21] Speaker A: But they do it in a way that is so fun because Columbo.
[00:33:27] Speaker B: Doing the math. Doing the math, yeah, yeah.
[00:33:29] Speaker A: And the way he does it, though, it's more aggressive and hostile. There's a bit of, like, class warfare going on in here. And not only that, the direction choice, because this whole scene is about describing the opulence of his lifestyle. But they choose to keep the camera just on the foyer of the house, right? And so when they want to describe the other rooms, they just have Columbo walk over and look past the camera and go, that's got to be a 40 foot living room. And describe it all like an old time radio show to everybody and then go look in the opposite direction. And it's just the other thing I love about. He was making me go, oh, this guy is just so, so rich. And he's married into it. It's not earned money. And, oh, oh. And then he says, I only make $11,000. And I'm like, yeah, he only makes $11,000. And then I went on the inflation calculator and went, you make more than I do in 2020. What is it, Colombo? It was $78,000 a year.
[00:34:32] Speaker B: That's more than I made.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: Never mind. I'm on Conductor Man's side now.
[00:34:39] Speaker B: You said, marion, do it, Conductor Man.
So it's just.
[00:34:44] Speaker A: I just think it's. I think it's a brilliant scene because the whole time there's this. All this tension. They create tension that, oh, Columbo's got a real. A real question here. And then it ends on the autograph and I'm like. And.
[00:34:57] Speaker B: And nothing.
[00:34:58] Speaker A: Nope.
[00:34:59] Speaker B: What's the second favorite scene?
[00:35:02] Speaker A: Columbo in an abandoned Hollywood bowl playing Chopsticks on.
[00:35:06] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:35:07] Speaker A: That is perhaps the greatest.
[00:35:10] Speaker B: And you know, it's great when he claps about Falk's choice not to go, oh, sorry, I didn't see you come in. He just turns with a big grin, like, right, yeah.
[00:35:20] Speaker A: And he's got an audience and he keeps like, oh, cool.
Conduct me.
[00:35:25] Speaker B: Instead of, oh, sorry, you caught me. Which would have been my. That Would have been my instinct as an actor.
Everyone knows you're there playing Chopsticks. Wouldn't that be your instinct as an actor?
They start clapping, you just turn around, stop. Yeah, but Falk just keeps. Just smiles and keeps going. It's really cool.
[00:35:42] Speaker A: But Columbo has probably been playing Chopsticks for four hours. Waiting. Waiting for him to walk in so he could annoy him by playing Chopsticks.
[00:35:52] Speaker B: Yep, it's.
[00:35:53] Speaker C: But yeah, that is in the technicalities of the investigations. Those things that fascinating me, like, you don't have a case.
[00:35:59] Speaker B: You.
[00:36:00] Speaker C: You're just badgering these people.
[00:36:02] Speaker B: But he's always doing, though, Right? That's the premise.
[00:36:05] Speaker C: Is the badgering a nice touch? That's in this.
They do things like this in other episodes too. But I'll point it out. Here was the video. The camera trick of when Cassavetes walks into the crime scene and he's looking for the boutonniere, putting the image of the boutonniere in his glasses.
[00:36:25] Speaker A: He has clu. Ray glasses.
[00:36:27] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:36:27] Speaker A: I almost ordered them from a back of a comic book clue.
[00:36:31] Speaker B: Ray. I got it.
[00:36:34] Speaker C: I was initially really, really bummed out at the death of the bird.
[00:36:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:41] Speaker C: But there was a cut scene in which the bird was talking to the woman and saying, look, you need to give him an ultimatum. This guy needs to leave his wife.
[00:36:54] Speaker B: Which would make us want the bird down. Right.
[00:36:57] Speaker C: I stake my life on he will leave his wife be with you.
And bird got what's coming to it.
[00:37:03] Speaker B: Bird reacted well. Bird did some fine reacting to the ashtray, to the head.
[00:37:08] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:37:09] Speaker B: What did they do to the bird when they were filming it to get it to jump like that?
[00:37:13] Speaker C: They kept hitting that lady over and over again.
[00:37:17] Speaker A: Bigger.
[00:37:19] Speaker B: Hit her again.
[00:37:20] Speaker A: The bird's like, give me something to react to.
[00:37:27] Speaker B: Wait, who was the woman that got killed? Actor wise? Anybody?
[00:37:31] Speaker C: I. I can't think of her name now. I looked up and she has a. A resume and several works, but as Angenette Kummer.
[00:37:39] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:37:40] Speaker C: No, I think model actress, slash model slash actress.
[00:37:44] Speaker A: Yeah. When I looked at her, she's one of those actors that just is in a little bit of everything all over.
[00:37:48] Speaker C: There was a point at which in her Wikipedia page it said after this point, she stopped acting.
[00:37:54] Speaker B: Oh, did you see her eyes?
Her eyes are crazy.
[00:38:02] Speaker C: So much to live for.
[00:38:03] Speaker A: Beautiful bedroom eyes.
[00:38:05] Speaker B: We heard more about her eyes than Mike Singletary's eyes.
[00:38:08] Speaker A: Bedroom eyes. I'm of the age where that's just like they're closed all the time.
[00:38:14] Speaker B: Right. Bedroom eyes mean with that crap in the corner.
Oh, I've got bedroom eyes.
Yeah. I have to rub that crap out every day.
[00:38:27] Speaker A: The other great edit in here is when Columbo, he has talked to the girl in the ballet studio and he goes, well. And you can identify him if you see this person again. She's like, yes, cut to Adolf Hitler, right?
And it's like, what's going on? He's conducting to Adolf Hitler and he's wearing like a referee outfit. I know it's a 70s shirt, but it's like. And then I realized, okay, they're scoring a documentary still.
[00:38:59] Speaker B: They could be scoring any documentary to make the choice of a Hitler documentary was weird.
[00:39:06] Speaker A: It's crazy. Disorienting. Yeah. In a way that I love.
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: I don't know if it was on.
[00:39:11] Speaker C: Purpose or it's just like, okay, second unit, go just find us footage of anything. Anything.
[00:39:16] Speaker B: Anything.
[00:39:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:16] Speaker B: How about Hitler?
[00:39:17] Speaker A: Fine, fine.
[00:39:19] Speaker B: It's that or monkeys.
Well, not monkeys.
[00:39:24] Speaker A: It's got to be Hitler then.
[00:39:26] Speaker B: The only things that are free on the shelf over here.
[00:39:30] Speaker A: Which probably brings me to my only criticism of this episode is that the red herring of her pointing out Paul the stoner trumpet man is surprising in the moment. I went, ooh. And then everything that followed was sort of a speed bump for the pace of the episode because it came so late.
[00:39:55] Speaker B: However, we got the Myrna Loy scene.
[00:39:56] Speaker A: Yes, that. I love that. That's my favorite scene where he's.
[00:40:00] Speaker B: But plot wise and writing wise on.
[00:40:02] Speaker A: The hypocrisy of marijuana prohibition.
[00:40:04] Speaker B: It was a great way to see more Mirna Loy and I loved her performance in that scene. But it is a speed bump storytelling wise. And you're absolutely right, it's almost unnecessary.
[00:40:13] Speaker A: Well, it would have been better placed earlier.
[00:40:16] Speaker B: Yep, the red herring was way too late.
[00:40:19] Speaker C: I'm a little distracted by trumpet player guy because I can't tell if he has no idea what to do with the trumpet or enough of an idea that he's really trying to show.
Like, that's a lot of spit valve acting.
[00:40:34] Speaker B: Yes, there was a lot of spit valve.
[00:40:36] Speaker A: I wonder if John Cassavetes had him put in to make his conducting look better.
[00:40:40] Speaker C: Maybe.
[00:40:43] Speaker A: Okay, the last thing I want to mention about this is all music related stuff because obviously, as we mentioned ad nauseam, he is a conductor.
But one thing I really liked, as much as we made fun of the extended murder scene at the top, but I really enjoyed the use of diegetic and non diegetic music. And how it transformed from one to the other as it went. Because it starts with him playing the piano. So that's in the scene. It's diegetic. And then he stops and it's complete silence. There's no soundtrack playing. He moves into the other room and he puts on a my.
[00:41:26] Speaker C: That panning shot from piano to point it up the stairs.
[00:41:29] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And then he plays the record. And that's on in the background. There's a source within the fiction of that music as he's preparing his suicide note and the towel that he's going to wrap the ashtray in. And then he leaves. But that same diegetic music then becomes non diegetic because it follows him as a soundtrack as he leaves. And the same thing happens after the murder when he's conducting the orchestra. And it cuts between the orchestra being conducted to the cops pulling up to check on the Jennifer, the murder victim.
[00:42:07] Speaker B: And not just.
[00:42:07] Speaker A: And awesome.
[00:42:08] Speaker B: And knocking a door down completely the wrong way.
That is a separated shoulder. That cop. That was not a cop.
That was an actor with no training.
[00:42:19] Speaker C: Like. Well, check the handle. It's not locked.
[00:42:21] Speaker B: All right.
[00:42:22] Speaker C: And open with my shoulder.
[00:42:23] Speaker A: I'm assuming there was a police conductor standing in the background telling him when to go.
[00:42:28] Speaker B: He not only went to. We're going to bust this door down quick, but that was completely the wrong way. That is a broken collarbone. That actor probably has a broken collarbone. That's why it cuts so fast.
Let's look that up.
[00:42:41] Speaker A: Do you guys know what an etude is?
[00:42:43] Speaker B: Nope.
[00:42:44] Speaker C: Nope.
[00:42:44] Speaker A: Me neither. No, I do.
[00:42:47] Speaker B: Thanks for listening to our podcast.
[00:42:50] Speaker A: That's what I googled while Eric was Googling Beethoven.
But it is essentially a short musical composition designed to either for one instrument or one player, designed to either hone your skill or show it off.
Which I thought was kind of cool for a conductor who is a murderer and is unfurling his master plan.
[00:43:19] Speaker B: Oh, right, because that's French for study etudier.
[00:43:23] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
See, I could contribute.
[00:43:34] Speaker C: All right, we're voting. Is that what's happening now?
[00:43:35] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:43:36] Speaker C: So here's my thought on our voting system.
That if we thought this was the perfect episode or a episode that has no flaws worth mentioning, we would call this a full confession.
[00:43:49] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:43:51] Speaker C: Got everything it wanted.
Successful across the board.
If we thought maybe. Maybe there's some criticism. We had a qualified enjoyment of this episode, we might call that a abundance of evidence.
[00:44:05] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:44:07] Speaker C: If we thought this was pretty dubious episode, can sort of see what it was going for, but didn't necessarily hit the mark, we'd call it a suspicion.
And otherwise we just call the episode not a clue.
[00:44:20] Speaker A: What was the first one again?
[00:44:21] Speaker B: First one is full confession, abundance of evidence, suspicion, not a clue. So on a scale of 1 to 4, one being full confession for being not a clue, right? Yeah, but this is hard because I need more Colombo to compare it to Columbo Peak.
[00:44:42] Speaker C: Columbo.
[00:44:43] Speaker B: I don't know because I've probably seen 50 episodes in my life or whatever, but I don't remember any of them. And like I said, I really never studied them while I was watching them or said, I'm going to really analyze this while I'm watching because I have to do a podcast later today. So that's two different ways to watch something, right? Oh, yes, I'm gonna say it is a full confession from this point of view.
I really enjoyed that seemed very Columbo. Y seemed very Peter Falke. I loved everything about it. That's what I remember Columbo being. I like the performances. I love Myrna Loy. I. I think all of the perfect murders in Columbus have. They make huge mistakes. Flaws. Yeah. Right. And I think that from a legal point of view, there's also a lot of flaws in the writing of these shows. There's a lot of legal flaws. So I will say full confession. That was fantastic. And the winner is Myrna Loy.
[00:45:44] Speaker A: I'm gonna say it's somewhere between full confession and abundance of evidence.
It's very close to full confession for me. And one thing we didn't discuss, which I think this is a fine time to include in our vote, is the wrap up. And that's where I think it loses a little for me, where I think the carnation as evidence is a little light by Colombo standards. And then there's the slight, like I said, pacing speed bump of the red herring, of Paul the stoner trumpeter being accused of it. But everything else is so good.
And even though I think the evidence Columbo pulls out is a little weaker, that scene is really compelling and strange. The way John Cassavetes plays it, right. The way he leans in and whispers those lines to his wife.
I still to this moment cannot decide if that is meant genuinely or is meant to get her in her head.
Because he ends with like, I wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life. Well, you know, and you could go, oh, questioning whether he ever loved her or is he just saying, you know, because he wants to just freak her out. What. What was I supposed to be thinking about? What Is there something else? Did you do more than murder somebody?
So it's a really eerie moment.
[00:47:14] Speaker B: It is, yeah. It's weird. It's also. He gives up pretty quick.
[00:47:17] Speaker A: Well, there's also a question to me of whether he actually confessed, because the only time he confessed was a whisper in his wife's ear.
[00:47:26] Speaker B: All he said was, I want to go now.
[00:47:27] Speaker A: Yeah. And he said to Colombo, I can't remember the exact line, but what did you know? Yeah. When did you know? Or you knew this from the beginning, or you decided in court. That could be anything.
That could be. You decided from the very beginning that this is what happened and you started with your conclusion and worked back to me. So, like, I'm not even sure he's totally confessed, but we'll set all that aside and we'll go back to voting. Sorry about that. But I think it's a great scene based on weak Columbo evidence.
[00:48:00] Speaker C: That moment is.
I'm on the exact same page of you. It's like, this is full confession, slash a bunch of evidence based on that one scene, which, to my interpretation of it, and I think it invites theories, theorizing. Is that an ongoing theme that had been going on is how an ongoing theme that's been going on. Yes. That's what ongoing themes do. Anyways.
There is the degree to which I can fool the police and the degree to which I can fool my wife.
[00:48:30] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:48:31] Speaker C: And over and over, he's losing ground with his wife.
And when it gets to that point, and this is where I wish it had made this decision a little bit more clearly, it's like, I can still fool the police, but my wife sees this now and I know she knows.
[00:48:52] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:48:53] Speaker C: And even if I stay in jail, no matter what the rest of my life is, I'm about to lose my wife.
[00:48:59] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:49:01] Speaker C: Which was the whole point of doing the murder in the first place.
[00:49:04] Speaker A: But was it to keep his wife or was it to keep his job as the conductor? Yes. And that's what we don't know. That's why his saying, I've always loved you.
[00:49:12] Speaker B: Either way, what you're saying is it's over.
[00:49:15] Speaker A: Is he laying the groundwork, though, that if he gets out of this right, he could still be the conductor by saying, I've always loved you.
[00:49:22] Speaker B: Nah, it's because of what Myrna Loy's.
[00:49:25] Speaker A: Character said, like, I'll ax any.
[00:49:27] Speaker B: I'll ax anybody.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: But he's also.
You can also see him playing even the most longest shot in that last moment.
[00:49:38] Speaker B: You know what Else is in that scene. That was great. That moment where Columbo has the lights turned off and on again and looks at the guard and says, can you operate this?
[00:49:45] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:49:45] Speaker B: Because he says, can you work just for me?
[00:49:48] Speaker A: He, like, tries to be as inconspicuous about it as possible.
[00:49:51] Speaker C: I think it's also subtle that the same producer that he was yelling at earlier is the guy back there who's like, yeah, I can play that screen. Oh, sure. You want to see it in slow motion.
[00:49:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
So long, butt face.
[00:50:07] Speaker A: But this is definitely one of my favorite Colombos. I will say that I have seen it. This is the third time I've seen it, and one of the reasons I'm.
[00:50:15] Speaker B: Did you journal before? How do you even know that?
[00:50:17] Speaker A: Well, because I really find this captivating because it is an outlier, I think, in that John Cassavetes is not your typical Columbo villain, particularly in his acting style.
Not the writing, but in his performance style. If there are two performance polls for the guest murderers in Colombo, you have John Cassavetes on one end and Jack Cassidy on the other, who's just like, give me more scenery to chew.
My mustache couldn't get tinier.
[00:50:50] Speaker B: That's a really good impression.
[00:50:53] Speaker A: Thank you.
But he is far more naturalist. He is disturbing and scary in a more real life way. You hate other Columbo villains because they're just so over the top and oily and awful.
[00:51:08] Speaker B: Shatner, he's talking about you.
[00:51:11] Speaker A: But he's in a sort of area and league by his own, which makes his episode more interesting to me. But I also acknowledge it, like I said, as an outlier. And I have voted for a long time, and I'm going to pass this off to Tim.
[00:51:24] Speaker C: Oh, I agree with you. That was.
[00:51:25] Speaker A: Oh, good.
[00:51:26] Speaker B: Thanks for listening.
[00:51:27] Speaker A: So I was actually voting for me and Tim.
[00:51:29] Speaker B: Yes, thanks.
[00:51:29] Speaker C: Yes.
So I guess that's everything. Thanks for listening.
[00:51:36] Speaker A: But wait.
Just one more thing.
If you'd like to hear the extended Just one more thing version of a podcast named Dog, featuring an interview with Monica, a listener and former prosecutor, discussing the legal strengths and weaknesses of Colombo's case case, we once again encourage you to visit patreon.com themorals your support makes this podcast possible. Until next time.
