Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You welcome to the mysterious Old Radio Listening Society, a podcast dedicated to suspense, crime and horror stories from the golden age of radio. Today we present our 2023 Patreon Halloween special featuring the 1973 spoken word album, spooks and spirits for Halloween, summoned up by William Conrad, chosen by our patrons.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: As the second best Patreon only episode of 2023.
Now, if you want to hear the best Patreon only episode of 2023, an.
[00:00:43] Speaker A: Intricate and disturbing play called Bonehouse from the CBC anthology series Deepnight, go to patreon.com themorals and become an official member of the mysterious old Radio Listening Society.
Membership privileges include bonus Patreon only podcasts like secrets of the mysterious old radio featuring oddities, tangents and other indulgent selections cliffhangers of doom dedicated to adventure, crime and mystery serials b sides of the mysterious old radio supplements and side trips inspired by our weekly podcast and our newest edition, the Mysterious Royal Listening Society, focusing on mysterious radio dramas from the BBC. But wait, there's more. As a patron, you have access to our Patreon only discord server monthly zoom happy hours with your mysterious old hosts and fellow patrons, Joshua's bi monthly mysterious old book club, and last but so not least, recordings of our live stage performances. We love our Patreon community and we think you will too.
Happy New Year and on with the show.
[00:02:20] Speaker C: The Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society podcast.
[00:02:31] Speaker D: Welcome to the mysterious old Halloween Patreon special. I'm Eric.
[00:02:37] Speaker E: I'm Tim.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: And I'm Joshua.
[00:02:38] Speaker E: If you're listening to this, it means you are a member in good standing of mysterious old radio listening society society and this Halloween we thank you with the spoken word children's album spooks and spirits for Halloween, summoned up by William Conrad, recommended to us by our mysterious patron, Ryan thank you, Ryan.
[00:02:56] Speaker B: My research into the album produced scant results. Here is what I know. It was released in 1973 by Cademon Records and featured the unmistakable voice of William Conrad reciting old poems and folktales, mostly of scottish and english origin, with the exception of the album centerpiece, a strange tale from West Africa entitled Fariel and Debo Engel the Witch. I did, however, dig up some interesting peripheral information.
[00:03:27] Speaker D: Cademon Records was founded in 1952 and their first record, Dylan Thomas's milestone recording of a child's Christmas in Wales, laid the groundwork for today's multimillion dollar audiobook industry. In the years to follow, Cademon established itself as the foremost publisher of english language spoken word audio. Today, Cademon is owned by Harper Collins, who continues to publish new audiobooks under the historic label.
[00:03:53] Speaker E: The distinctive cover illustration for spooks and spirits for Halloween, featuring a cheerful looking William Conrad surrounded by an entourage of ghoulish characters, was the work of husband and wife team Leo and Diane Dylan. In the course of their 50 year career, the duo created hundreds of covers and interior illustrations for science fiction novels and magazines, and their work for children's books earned them the Caldecott Medal two years in a row, 1976 and 1977.
[00:04:18] Speaker B: And now let's pretend we've donned our pjs after a lucrative night of trickortreating and conned our parents into letting us stay up late to listen to spooks and spirits for Halloween. Summoned up by William Conrad, first released on vinyl in the long ago year of 1973.
[00:04:51] Speaker C: The merry night of Halloween the full moon casts on Bush and hedge at Sheen Hush, it's the merry night of Halloween Hush, hush grandmother mounts her broomstick what a horse it is she flies fast as the wind across dark clouds, dark air she flies up, she flies down, she flies to join the gayest dance in town Hush, hush the little.
[00:05:22] Speaker F: Boy sings out hi ho, hi ho where, mother, are you hurrying to go.
[00:05:27] Speaker C: Sleep, little one who?
I have things to do. I'll sweep the chimneys with my broom low, high, how easy I fly hush, hush the hemlock swaying in the wind tonight it's like a wonder horse too swift and light hush, hush on skinny poles, on sticks, on strips of cord the witches fly all dressed in black a horde whisked through the sky cloak, pointy hat and broom death laughs behind the cool stone of a tomb hush, hush a thief is hanging from the gallows one witch greets another and then they have their fun in the air they bow three times, circle now swing the poor body back and forth and fly high in the night sky hush, hush the ghost song o is the acorns not yet fallen from the tree that's to grow the wood that's to make the cradle that's to rock the beam that's to grow a man that's to lay merial and Deborah Engel, the witch a long time ago, there lived a witch called Debo Engel. She had ten daughters who were beautiful girls whom all men sought after. And from time to time, youths would make the long journey to the house where they lived hidden away in the bush. But none of these young men ever returned to their villages again, although nobody knew the reason why.
Debo Engel knew, however, when young men called to see her lovely daughters, she would pretend to be delighted to meet them, giving them palm wine to drink. And serving them choice food until night fell. And then she would say, it is too late and the night is too dark for you to walk back to your homes through the bush. Why not stay the night here and then go home at daybreak in safety? The young men would gladly agree, and Deboungle would tell them to lie down around the fire she kept burning in the biggest hut in the compound, and soon all would be asleep.
The wicked witch would then sharpen her large knife, creep up to the lads and kill them silently, one by one, with the skill of long practice. Then in the morning, she would eat them.
Debo Engel did not feed on rice or corn or yams. Only human flesh satisfied her cruel appetite.
Now, in the village some miles away, lived a woman who had ten sons, and they heard of the beauty of Debo Engel's daughters and wanted to visit them. Their mother entreated the boys not to go. It is an evil compound. Keep away my sons, she begged. So many young men have gone, never to return, and I don't want to lose all my sons at once. But the lads laughed at her fears. And assured her that they could look after each other. And that ten men would be a match for any woman. Besides, the daughters were said to be so very beautiful. That none of the young men could rest until they had seen the maidens.
Early the next morning, the ten brothers set off in high spirits, singing and laughing as they walked along the narrow paths which led to the bush to Deboenkel's compound.
No sooner had they left their mother than she gave birth to an 11th son. But what a strange looking child he was, being scarcely the size of his mother's little finger. Then he stood upright straight away and spoke to her. Good mother, he said, his bright little black eyes gazing fixately at her face, where are my brothers?
They have gone to Deborah Wingle's compound, she replied in amazement, wondering how it was that he knew he had any brothers.
At this, the little boy gave a shout, exclaiming, then I must go after them and save them. And he ran swiftly down the path which his brothers had taken.
Very soon he saw the ten lads in the distance and called after them.
[00:10:58] Speaker F: Hey. Hey, wait for me.
[00:11:00] Speaker C: The brothers stopped and turned to see who was calling, and when the tiny boy ran up to them, they stared open mouthed. Presently one of them managed to say, who are you and what do you want?
[00:11:12] Speaker F: My name is Ferriel, and I am your youngest brother.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: He replied.
[00:11:16] Speaker F: Indeed you are not, for there are.
[00:11:18] Speaker C: Only ten of us, they replied. Now go away and leave us in peace. I want to come with you to save you from harm, said Fariel. At this the brothers were angry and began to beat him, saying, don't be so silly. How can you be our brother?
[00:11:32] Speaker F: Now go away and leave us in peace.
[00:11:35] Speaker C: They beat him so hard that he lay senseless on the ground. And then the unkind brothers went on their way toward Debo Engel's home.
Sometime later, one of the brothers found a piece of beautiful cloth lying across the path.
[00:11:50] Speaker F: Look what I've found.
[00:11:51] Speaker C: He exclaimed.
[00:11:53] Speaker F: Some careless person has dropped this fine cloth. This really is a lucky journey, isn't it?
[00:11:59] Speaker C: He picked up the cloth, slung it over his shoulder, and continued on his way. But somehow the cloth seemed to get heavier and heavier, and presently he said to the second brother, will you carry this for me? It's so very heavy on my shoulder. The second brother laughed at him for a weakling. But very soon he too found the cloth too heavy and passed it on to the third. And so it went on until it reached the eldest of the ten brothers. And when he complained about the weight, a shrill voice from inside the cloth called out, I'm inside.
[00:12:34] Speaker F: That's why you find the cloth so heavy. It's Feriel, your youngest brother.
[00:12:39] Speaker C: The young men were furious and shaking feriel out of the cloth. They beat him again and again, until once more they left him lying senseless beside the path.
That's the end of him, they said. Lying little scoundrel.
So they went on their way, for it was a long journey, and they began to hurry, since they had wasted some time in beating Fariel.
Suddenly one of the brothers kicked his toe against a piece of metal, and as he bent to pick it up, he saw that it was a silver ring. Hey, what luck. He exclaimed. Somebody's dropped a ring, and now it's mine. And placing it on his finger, he swaggered happily along.
But after a few minutes, his hand hung heavily at his side, and it was all that he could do to walk. So weighty had the ring become.
And the same thing then happened with the ring, as with the cloth, each brother taking turns to wear it, but passing it on when it got too heavy, until at last it reached the eldest. There's something odd about this ring, he said, and was just taking it off his finger when furry old's voice piped up, saying, I'm inside.
[00:13:52] Speaker F: That's why it's so heavy.
[00:13:54] Speaker C: And he jumped out of the ring and onto the ground while the brothers were about to beat him again when the eldest said, he seems determined to follow us, and he's certainly been very cunning about it.
[00:14:04] Speaker F: Leave him alone and let him follow us to Debo Engel's place after all.
[00:14:09] Speaker C: So on they went, until at last they reached the compound they were seeking, and Debo Engel came out to greet them. Welcome. She cried. Welcome to our home. Come and meet my daughters.
The ten girls were very lovely, and the brothers could scarcely take their eyes away from them. They were led away to the largest hut, and Debo Engel brought them delicious food and drink. At first she did not see Fariel, for he was hidden behind the eldest brother's foot. But suddenly she caught sight of him, picked him up, and exclaimed, what a charming little fellow you are.
[00:14:45] Speaker F: Come with me to my hut, and.
[00:14:46] Speaker C: I will see that you are properly looked after.
[00:14:49] Speaker F: Never have I seen anyone so tiny. You must stay with me and be mine.
[00:14:55] Speaker C: The brothers were surprised when Pharael allowed himself to be led away without protest. But they soon forgot all about him as they feasted and drank and danced with the ten beautiful girls.
Night came, and the brothers talked about going home, but Debo Engel persuaded them to stay where they were.
There is no moon, she said, and you might lose your way. There are many snakes and wild animals about it this season too, so stay with us and return to your home by daylight tomorrow.
The lads needed little persuasion and soon began another dance, while Debo Engel brought more palm wine to refresh them. At last, however, the ten boys and girls had to admit that they were too tired to stay awake any longer, and Debo Engel lent the brothers some mats and pillars on which to rest. In the large hut where the girls were already almost asleep, the wicked witch went back to her hut and gave Feriel a comfortable mat to sleep on and a specially soft pillow for his head. There you are, she said. Go to sleep now, and do not wake until the morning. I shall sleep on the mat beside you, my little man, so you'll be quite safe.
So saying, she lay down and closed her eyes, and soon the compound was wrapped in silence.
Presently, devil Engel sat up and bent over Fariel to see if he was asleep. He closed his eyes and kept perfectly still.
She stood up, went to the corner where she kept her big knife, but just as she was taking hold of it, Fariel called out, what are you doing? Hastily replacing the knife, Debo Engels said sweetly, aren't you asleep yet, little man? Let me smooth your pillow for you, and she tidied his bed, shook up the pillow, and begged him to sleep in peace.
Once again she lay down beside him, and once again Fariel pretended to sleep, so that after an hour the wicked witch got up for the second time and took out her knife, ready to sharpen it.
[00:17:03] Speaker F: What are you doing?
[00:17:04] Speaker C: Called Fariel again. So, making some excuse, Debo Ingle came back to her bed and told him to go to sleep again.
For a long time after that, all was quiet, but Fariel did not sleep. He waited until the steady breathing of the woman on the mat beside him told him she was asleep, and then, silently, he crept out of the hut and made his way to where his brothers and the ten beautiful maidens were.
Gently and silently he changed all their clothes, putting the white gowns the boys wore over the girls, and covering his brothers in the blue robes of the women.
Then he returned to Debo Engel's hut, lay down again, and waited. Sure enough, Debo Engel soon woke with a start, and for the third time she crept to the corner of her hut, seized her knife, and began to sharpen it. Variel did not interrupt her this time, and she slipped out of the door, holding the gleaming blade in her hand. Stealthily, she entered the young people's hut, bent over the ten sleeping forms wrapped in white clothes, and cut their throats. With practice skill, they'll make me a splendid meal tomorrow, she muttered to herself as she lay down contentedly and fell asleep again.
As soon as he was sure Debo Engel would not wake, Fariel hurried into the big hut and shook each of his brothers by their shoulders. Get up. Get up. He whispered. Debo Ingall meant to kill you all, and had I not changed over your clothes, she would have done so. Look. And he pointed to the ten girls who lay with their throats cut. The old witch thinks it is you she has killed. The brothers needed no second bidding, but tumbled hastily out of the door and began their journey home through the bush, anxious to get as far away from Debo Engel as possible before she woke up again.
But it was no use. As soon as the witch woke and discovered that Fariel was no longer by her side, she rushed into her daughter's hut and saw that she had killed them by mistaken the darkness. Uttering a fearful cry, she called up, the wind mounted on its back and flew towards the brothers, who were as yet scarcely halfway home. Fariel saw her coming.
[00:19:21] Speaker F: Look out.
[00:19:21] Speaker C: He shouted to his brothers.
[00:19:23] Speaker F: Here comes the old witch.
[00:19:24] Speaker C: The brothers were panic stricken, but Ferriel knew what to do? Seizing a hen's egg from under a bush, he dashed it on the ground between them and Debo Engel. The egg immediately turned into a wide, deep river and the young men were able to continue on their way. Debo Engel was furious and turned about at once and made for home. But the brothers had not got rid of her so easily for she came back with her magic calabash and began to empty out all the water from the swiftly flowing river. Soon there was not a drop left and she was able to continue her journey once more.
The reel saw her coming and shouted, look out.
[00:19:58] Speaker F: Here comes the old witch again.
[00:20:00] Speaker C: While he seized a large stone, flung it in her path. Immediately it changed into a high mountain.
[00:20:06] Speaker F: And the brothers continued on their journey.
[00:20:08] Speaker C: Certain, but Debo Engel could not get through them now. But the witch was not defeated yet. She went back to her home on another puff of wind and fetched her magic axe. And then she hacked and chopped and chopped and hacked until at last the whole mountain disappeared and she was able to continue on away.
But she was too late.
Just then. Ferry also are coming again. And gave his brothers a warning shout.
[00:20:31] Speaker F: Look out.
[00:20:32] Speaker C: He cried as they saw their village ahead. And with one final effort, they reached their house. Debo Ingall knew that she could not touch them there and went away defeated, muttering fearful curses under her breath.
But Debou Ingel did not let the matter rest there.
She was determined to get hold of the young men and kill them, even as she had mistakenly killed her own daughters.
So she lay in hiding and waited her chance.
Early next morning, the village headman told the brothers to go into the bush and collect logs. Somewhat fearfully, they went, keeping close together and glancing over their shoulders from time to time in case the witch turned up again.
They did not see her, however, for the very good reason that she had heard the headman's instructions and had immediately turned herself into a log of wood. As the lads collected the logs, they stacked them beside the path.
[00:21:28] Speaker F: Come on. One of them called a fariel.
[00:21:30] Speaker C: Don't be so lazy.
[00:21:31] Speaker F: Why are you standing still while we do all the work? Because Debo Engel has turned herself into a log, and I do not want to be the one who picks her up, he explained.
[00:21:40] Speaker C: On hearing this, the brothers threw down the logs they were carrying and raced for home. Debo Engel, who was furious that she had not yet been picked up, changed herself back into a witch and hid in the bush, still longing for revenge.
A few days later, the brothers went off into the bush to collect wild plums. At first they only found trees with somewhat withered fruit, but suddenly they came upon a bush with bright green leaves and luscious, juicy plums hanging from its branches.
Look at this. What luck. Exclaimed the eldest brother, reaching out his hand to pluck the fruit.
[00:22:17] Speaker F: Stop.
[00:22:17] Speaker C: Commanded Pharieo.
[00:22:19] Speaker F: Don't you realize it's a magic tree and Debo Engel is inside it. If you fill your calabashes with fruit, she'll soon have you under her spell.
[00:22:26] Speaker C: The brothers dropped their calabashes and ran home with haste. And once again Debo Engel's plans were frustrated. The next morning, when the brothers came out of their compound, they saw a gray donkey grazing on the communal grass at the edge of the village. It seemed to belong to no one, and the brothers thought it must have strayed from a nearby village. What luck. Said the oldest. Let's all have a donkey ride. And one by one they climbed onto the donkey's back until all ten of them were perched up there precariously. And then they turned to Feriel standing beside them, and called, room for one more jump on. There's no room at all, replied Fariel.
[00:23:05] Speaker F: Even I, as small as I am, could not get on that donkey's back now.
[00:23:09] Speaker C: Immediately, the strangest thing happened. The donkey began to grow longer, and there was plenty of room for.
[00:23:17] Speaker F: Ha ha. He shouted. You won't catch me climbing on the back of such an elongated donkey.
[00:23:23] Speaker C: Then, much to everyone's surprise, the donkey shrank back to its normal size.
Feriel laughed.
[00:23:29] Speaker F: You have all been tricked again, he said. Donkeys don't usually understand what human beings are saying, but this one does, so it must be debu Engel again. Get off if you value your lives.
[00:23:40] Speaker C: The brothers tumbled off the donkey's back, and the animal went braying back to the bush, where it changed into Debo Engel. And now the witch was desperate. She had tried all her magic tricks, save one, and she was determined to make this a success.
If I can only catch Phariel, I shall be sure of the others, she said to herself, and sat in deep contemplation, planning another wicked scheme.
The next morning, a beautiful maiden walked into the village.
The villagers crowded round her and asked why she had come.
I want to see Feriel, she replied in a clear, bell like voice. Will you lead me to his house?
Feriel was amazed to see such an attractive girl and ask her to come into the visitor's hut. And then he went out and killed a young goat and told his mother to cook the meat for his beautiful guest.
All day long he entertained the maiden, giving her delicious food to eat and talking to her all the while.
The villagers, who had never seen such beauty before, came peeping into the hut from time to time and went away, exclaiming loudly at the wonderful sight.
When evening came, the maiden said she must go back to her home.
Will you lead me through the bush, Farielle? She asked. It is too dark for me to go alone.
Fariel willingly agreed, and the whole village turned out to bid them goodbye.
It was very dark, and Fariel led the way along the little winding path that the maiden had told him led to her home.
And then suddenly she disappeared behind a thick tree trunk and was completely hidden. Fariel stood still, alert and waiting, straining his eyes in the dark.
And then out slithered a horrible, fat python, which made straight for feriel, and would have coiled itself round him and crushed him to death had he not been waiting for this moment.
[00:25:57] Speaker F: Ha debo ingle.
[00:25:59] Speaker C: He laughed and changed himself into a roaring fire.
[00:26:02] Speaker F: The python had no time to turn around.
[00:26:05] Speaker C: It could not stop its huge, rippling body from dashing straight into the fire.
[00:26:09] Speaker F: Where it immediately perished.
[00:26:13] Speaker C: Great was the joy in Phariel's village when he went home and told his brothers the tale. And great was the feasting and dancing they had that night to celebrate the death of the wicked witch debo inkle.
The hag is a stride this night for to ride the devil. And she together through thick and through thin. Now out, and then in, though near so foul be the weather.
[00:27:10] Speaker F: A thorn or a burr, she takes.
[00:27:12] Speaker C: For a spur with a lash of a bramble she rides now through brakes, and through briars or ditches and mires. She follows the spirit that guides now no beast, for his food dares now range the wood. But hushed in his lair he lies lurking, while mischiefs by these on land and on seas at noon of night are awoking.
The storm will arise and trouble the skies this night and more for the wonder the ghost from the tomb of frighted Shalcom, called out by the clap of the thunder.
The secret Commonwealth in north Wales. There is a cave that is said to reach from its entrance on the hillside under the mortar the Sierriag and a thousand other streams under many a league of mountain, marsh and Moor, all the way to Kirk Castle.
And it is also said that whoever goes within five paces of its mouth will be drawn into it by the fairies and lost all around. The grass grows thick and rank. Even animals fear the spot, a fox with a pack of hounds in full.
[00:28:54] Speaker F: Cry at his tail, once turned round.
[00:28:56] Speaker C: Short on approaching it, his hair all bristled and fretted like frostwork with terror, and ran into the middle of the pack, as if anything earthly, even unearthly death was an escape from what was waiting in the cave.
And the hounds in pursuit of this fox would not touch him on account of the smell and gleam that stuck to his coat.
Ilius Apevan, who happened one night to stagger just upon the rim of the cave, was so frightened at what he saw and heard that he arrived home perfectly sober, the only interval of sobriety, morning, noon, or night, that alias had been afflicted with for upwards of 20 years.
Nor ever after that experience could he get tipsy drink. Ye never so faithfully to that end but one misty Halloween.
Yolo appieu the fiddler, decided to solve the mysteries of the cave. Now he provided himself with an immense quality of bread and cheese and seven pounds of candles and ventured in.
He never returned.
Long, long afterwards, at the twilight of another Halloween, an old shepherd was passing close to the place when he heard a faint burst of melody dancing up and down the rocks above the cave. As he listened, the music gradually molded itself into something like a tune, though it was a tune I had never heard before.
And then there appeared at the mouth of the cave, a figure well known to me by remembrance. It was dimly visible, but it was Yolo. Up you. I could see that at once he was capering madly to the music of.
[00:30:53] Speaker F: His own fiddle with a lantern dangling at his breast.
[00:30:56] Speaker C: And suddenly the moon cleared through the.
[00:30:58] Speaker F: Mist, and I saw Poriolo for a moment.
[00:31:01] Speaker C: Oh, but it was clearly his face.
[00:31:04] Speaker F: Was pale as marble, and his eyes stared deathfully. His head dangled loose and unjointed on his shoulders. His arms seemed to keep his fiddle stuck in motion without his will. I saw him for that instant at the mouth of the cave. And then, still capering and fiddling, he vanished like a shadow from my sight.
But he slipped into the cave in a manner quite different from the step.
[00:31:28] Speaker C: Of a living and willing man. He was dragged inwards like the smoke up the chimney or the mist at sunrise.
Poor Iolo.
Years passed. All hopes and sorrows for him had not only lost their hurt, but were never forgotten.
I had gone to live in a village far away across the hills. And then one cold December night, we were all shivering in church as the clerk was beginning to light the candles, when music started suddenly from beneath the aisle. And then it passed faintly along to the end of the church, and tied away until I could not tell it from the wind that was careering and wailing all about us. But I knew the tune, I knew it.
The parson took down the tune from the shepherd's whistling, and here it is. But rave on Halloween you may hear the tune as distinctly as you may hear the waves roar in the seashell.
And it is said that on certain nights in leap, here a star stands opposite the father into the cave, and by its rays you can see Ioro and his companions the horny golock.
The horny golock is an awesome beast, super and scaly.
It has twa horns and a huntle of feet, and a forky tiley.
[00:34:00] Speaker F: How a witch tried to kill a king.
Agnes Sampson, the eldest witch of them all, was after brought again before the king's majesty and his council, and being examined of the meetings and detestable dealings of those witches, she confessed that upon the night of all hallow, even last, she was accompanied with great many witches to the number of 200, and that all they together went to sea, each one in a riddle or sieve, and went into the same very substantially, with flaggings of wine, making merry and drinking, by the way, in the same riddles and sieves to the kirk of North Burwick and Lothian, and that after they had landed, took hands on the land and danced, singing all with one voice, kuma, go ye before Kuma, go ye. If he will not go before Kuma, let me.
At which time she confessed that this guileless Duncan did go before them, playing this reel, or dance upon a small trump, called a Jews Trump, until they entered into the kirk of North Berwick.
The said Agnes Sampson confessed that the devil, being at North Berwick church, attended their coming in the habit or likeness of a man, and having made his ungodly exhortations, wherein he did greatly invade against the king of Scotland, he received their oaths for their good and true services toward him, and departed which done, they returned to sea, and so home again, touching this Agnes Sampson. She is the only woman who by the devil's persuasion should have intended and put into execution the king's majesty's death. In this manner.
She confessed, she took a black toad, and did hang up the same by the heels three days, and collected and gathered the venom as it dropped and fell from an oyster shell, and kept the same venom close covered, until she should obtain any part or piece of linen cloth that had appertained to the king's majesty as shirt, handkerchief, napkin, or any other thing. She practiced to obtain these by means of one John Kers, attendant in his Majesty's chamber, and desired him for old acquaintance between them to help her to one or such a piece of cloth as is aforesaid. Which thing? The said John curse denied to help her, saying he could not. And the said Agnes Sampson saith that if she had obtained any one piece of linen cloth which the king had worn, she had bewitched him to death and put him to such extraordinary pains as if he had been lying on sharp thorns and ends of needles.
[00:36:55] Speaker C: Suppose you met a witch.
Suppose you met a witch. There's one I know all. Willow gnarled and whiskered head to toe. We drowned her at Tenfoot Bridge last June, I think. But I've often seen her since at twilight time, under the willows by the riverbank, skimming the wool white meadow mist astride her broomer beach. And once as she flew past with a sudden twist and flick of the.
[00:37:25] Speaker F: Stick, she whisked me in head over heels, splashing the scummy water up to my chin.
[00:37:32] Speaker C: Yet there are witless folk will say they don't exist.
But I was saying, suppose you met a witch up in that murky waste of wood where you play your hide and seek.
[00:37:46] Speaker F: Suppose she pounced out from a bush.
[00:37:49] Speaker C: She touched you, she clutched you, what would you do? No use in struggling in vain to pinch and pull.
[00:37:55] Speaker F: She's pinned you down, pitched you into her sack, drawn tight the noose.
[00:38:00] Speaker C: There's one way of escape, one word you need to know.
W-A-N-D.
Well, what was that spell? They learnt it years ago. Two children, Roland and Miranda, clapped in.
[00:38:18] Speaker F: A witch's sack and trapped just as you might be.
[00:38:22] Speaker C: He was a mild and dreamy boy, musical as a lark in the dark of the jolting sack he sang. She was quick in all she did, a nimble wit, her brain busy as a hive of bees at honeytime.
Anne Grimblecrum, that was the witch's name.
[00:38:41] Speaker F: Jog them home.
[00:38:43] Speaker C: This was the usual sort. A candy villa with walls of gingerbread.
[00:38:48] Speaker F: Porch and pillar of barley sugar. She kicked the gate and the licorice beaded door, undid the sackstring and tipped them on the glassy, glacier minted floor. As Roland fell, his boots struck the crystal paving stones and chipped them like an angry rocket. She launched at him. Miranda sprang for the magic wand and pinched it from her pocket.
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Tap, tap, o house of cake be a cloud reflecting lake with me and Roland each a swan gracefully afloat thereon and deeper than air plummet sounded grimblegrum. The witch be drowned.
Twasdan. Look there, do you see? Two swans are gliding, serene and cool upon that heaven painted pool, over the blue sky, over the floating clouds that shine like snow white fleeces.
Sudden, in burst of bubbles, the witch popped up and shivered the cloud to pieces.
[00:39:42] Speaker F: I'll gobble you yet.
[00:39:43] Speaker C: She gulped, but all she gobbled was water. As with windbell arms, she thrashed and lashed at them. No swimmers. She would have sunk like a boulder.
[00:39:52] Speaker F: Below had not a felon crow, black hearted as his feather, swooping, dipping, hoisted her by the belt and borne her boggy, drooping, dripping home.
[00:40:07] Speaker C: She'll follow us. No time to lose. Quick, we must fly. Miranda cried heavily. They rose far over field and forest with whining wing. All night through till dawn of day they flew. Meanwhile, the grimble witch, now dry, had put on her seven league boots and do or die.
[00:40:28] Speaker F: Seven mile of the step came galloping.
[00:40:31] Speaker C: Gulping, gobble you yet. I'll gobble you yet.
[00:40:35] Speaker F: The swans heard a cackle and a.
[00:40:37] Speaker C: Thudding where she stepped down by a screen of trees. They swept down to the lonely roadside, out of view. I'll change myself to a rose of crimson hue set in a prickly hedge, Miranda said. And Roland, as for you, you'll be a piper and the magic wand your flute. Not a second too soon, for the witch's boot touched ground beside them and she croaked, o glorious, glorious rose, I.
[00:41:04] Speaker F: Have sought you from afar. How I wonder what you are. You may mock me from on high, but I'm the spider, you're the fly.
[00:41:18] Speaker C: And then she gaped at that glorious and goriest of roses, with the greediest of eyes and the nosiest of noses. Again she spoke.
[00:41:27] Speaker F: Good piper, this rose, how dainty it would look if I stuck it in my cloak. May I pluck it, good lady?
[00:41:35] Speaker C: You may, and I'll play to you the while. And Roland smiled, for his was a magic flute, each golden note entrancing. None could listen without dancing. One note, one, she spun like a top. Two notes, two. She hopped and couldn't stop. Three notes, three. And into that thorny, thistily tree with a hop, skip and a jump went she tootle toot sang the flute, and up went her boot and down again. Soon to the ten tibetoon. Every thorn and twig did dance to the jig and the witch willy nilly. Each prickle and fin as it skewered her in, was driving her silly high ho.
[00:42:18] Speaker F: Shrieked she and tickle me thistle and prickle, me dee and battered she was.
[00:42:24] Speaker C: As she trotted and tripped and her clothes were all torn and tattered and.
[00:42:27] Speaker F: Ripped till at last all mingled and mangled. Her right leg entangled, her left leg right angled firm as a prisoner pinned to the mast, she stuck fast.
[00:42:42] Speaker C: Silence, not a sound as Roland wiped the sweat from his brow. Then gently with his pipe, he touched the rose, outlipped Miranda to the ground, hand in hand, chuckling through the wildwood. Away home they ran.
That same evening a cowman passing by paused by a roadside bush to cut a switch. He heard a cry turning saw in a hedge nearby a prickly witch who.
[00:43:14] Speaker F: Screamed and yelled and hissed at him and spat.
So he put a match to the.
[00:43:21] Speaker C: Hedge and that was that.
The strange visitor, a woman was sitting at her wheel one night.
And still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a pair of broad, broad souls and sat down at the fireside.
And still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a pair of small, small legs and sat down on the broad, broad soles.
And still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a pair of thick, thick knees and sat down on the small, small legs.
And still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a pair of thin, thin thighs and sat down on the thick, thick knees and still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a pair of huge, huge hips and sat down on the thin, thin thighs and still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a wee, wee waist and sat down on the huge, huge hips and still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a pair of broad, broad shoulders and sat down on the wee, wee waist and still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a pair of small, small arms and sat down on the broad, broad shoulders and still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company. In came a small, small neck and sat down on the broad, broad shoulders and still she sat, and still she span, and still she wished for company.
In came a huge, huge head and sat down on the small, small neck how did you get such broad, broad feet quoth the woman, much tramping, much tramping how did you get such small, small legs hey, legs and we mool how did you get such thick, thick knees?
Much praying, much praying how did you get such thin, thin thighs high late and we mool.
How did you get such big, big hips?
Much sitting. Much sitting.
And how did you get such a wee, wee waist? I late and wee mool.
How did you get such broad, broad shoulders?
With carrying broom.
[00:47:35] Speaker F: With carrying broom.
[00:47:38] Speaker C: How did you get such small, small arms?
I late and we move.
How did you get such huge hands?
[00:47:56] Speaker F: Threshing with an iron flail.
[00:47:59] Speaker C: Threshing with an iron flail.
How did you get such a huge head?
Much knowledge.
Much knowledge. Age.
And what did you come for?
For you're.
[00:48:51] Speaker D: That was the album vinyl spooks and spirits for Halloween summoned up by William Conrad here on the mysterious old radio listening Society Halloween Patreon special. Once again. I'm Eric.
[00:49:06] Speaker C: I'm Tim.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: And I'm Joshua.
[00:49:07] Speaker D: God, I hated that.
[00:49:09] Speaker B: Happy Halloween, guys.
[00:49:11] Speaker C: Happy Halloween.
[00:49:12] Speaker D: I just thought I'd pull that band aid off. I love William Conrad and I know you've got peripheral attempt to listen to.
[00:49:19] Speaker B: It as you would as a small child.
[00:49:22] Speaker E: It would have small child scared the.
[00:49:24] Speaker B: Daylights out of me. As a small child or.
[00:49:27] Speaker D: No, not me. These kind of folktale scary stories that go all over the place.
[00:49:34] Speaker B: People who are different from you and who live in other countries. That's fine.
[00:49:38] Speaker D: I don't know. And then he was a ring on his finger. It goes on and on and on. Anyway. But we want to attack this. We're going to approach this segment by segment of the album, correct?
[00:49:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:49:51] Speaker D: So I'll tell you each and every step of the way what I hated about that one.
[00:49:56] Speaker C: Wow.
[00:49:59] Speaker D: We had four in a row. Really good. Monster month. I loved them. And then I listened to this last.
[00:50:05] Speaker B: And then I went, oh, this definitely.
[00:50:08] Speaker E: Was not what I was expecting.
[00:50:10] Speaker B: Yeah, that's very interesting to me. What did you expect this to be? I'm just curious.
[00:50:15] Speaker E: This was going to be maybe like Sleepy Hollow.
[00:50:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:50:20] Speaker E: Smaller, little kid oriented, relatively contemporary authors that are meant to be just sort of, here's a light, gentle story about ghosts.
[00:50:29] Speaker B: Yes, that's what I expected it to. And when it was full of horror and weirdness, I got really excited and adjusted my expectations.
[00:50:40] Speaker E: Yeah. I'm not saying like, I wish it were the thing that I wanted, but.
[00:50:45] Speaker B: I was surprised at what it was I really was. And that they would say, this is great for children, yet we'll talk about as we get to each one. But this is the kind of stuff that would have terrified me as a 14th century children. There's at least one story in here that was read to me multiple times as a child in school settings, as the scary story that the librarian reads you. And it terrified me. But maybe I was an incredibly vulnerable, weak child, emotionally, physically.
All right, so the first one, the merry night of Halloween, I did do a little research into each individual one of these stories once I realized, hey, these seem like old folk tales and old poems that I don't think William Conrad sat down with a glass of whiskey and wrote himself or improvised. But the merry night of Halloween, from my research, appears to be something that might have been written specifically as an intro for this album. To me, it sounded like Ray Bradbury and Tom Waits collaborated on something. I mean, you just put a harmonium and a marimba in the background. It could be a cut from swordfish, trombone.
[00:52:07] Speaker D: Now I like it.
[00:52:08] Speaker C: Hush.
[00:52:10] Speaker B: The hemlock swaying in the wind tonight it's like a wonder horse too swift and light see, you do it in Tom waits voice, and you're like, okay.
[00:52:19] Speaker D: I now like it. Good job.
[00:52:21] Speaker E: The main thing I took away from this first one was the setup that was completely undercut by the second one.
Like, this is like, okay, I'm with you. There's a rhythm to this. I'm taking this information. And then the second one, I was like, what is that?
[00:52:37] Speaker B: See, now, this is the one that made me go, this would have terrified me as a child. I would have had to skip past that one as a child. This is the ghost song that he.
[00:52:46] Speaker D: Oh, my God. This is.
[00:52:48] Speaker B: Stop a second and imagine yourself as a child. That's what I did listening to this. But again, I was terrified by Mr. Yuck stickers. So that might about me.
[00:53:01] Speaker D: That explains it. I think part of the problem with the ghost hung is I could picture Conrad waving his arms around, waving his arms around, doing this, and I was like, oh, no, Bill. Bill.
[00:53:13] Speaker E: But, yes, the actual content of that, I was like, this is really messed up.
[00:53:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Do you know where this comes from?
[00:53:20] Speaker C: No.
[00:53:20] Speaker B: This is great. So this is where he started digging in. And this song is from an old ghost story that's based in actual historical fact to some degree. Not the ghost part of it, but it's called the cold lad of Hilton. And it's the story of the ghost of a murdered stable boy named Robert Skelton, who is said to haunt the ruins of Hilton Castle in Sunderland, north England. The events are said to have taken place in the 16th or 17th century, and there are several different versions of the legend. And what's funny is they're all just slightly different, but hilariously slightly different. One of the reasons for him being murdered is that he had involved himself romantically with Baron Hilton's daughter. And then the other version is just that he overslept.
And then, depending on the story, Baron Hilton either gored him with a pitchfork, hit him over the head with a riding crop, or decapitated him with an unsaid instrument.
[00:54:30] Speaker E: Loaf of bread.
[00:54:31] Speaker D: Can I just say, your research. Listening to you was more interesting than that.
[00:54:36] Speaker B: What happens is the stable boy haunts the estate and the servants see him dripping wet and naked, just walking around saying, I'm cold. Which is where it says, the cold lad from Hilton. And part of the story is the servants take pity on him, leave some sort of clothing for him, and he disappears. But they hear this song being sung even after he has gone away. The acorn's not yet fallen from the tree, that's to grow the wood, that's to make the cradle, that's to rock the baron, which is baby, that's to grow the man, that's to lay me. And the translation I found meant that will exorcise me. So he's basically saying, there is not a man that has been born yet. That's going to stop my haunting in a really high voice.
No man can lay me. It's like a Bad Casper episode.
[00:55:34] Speaker D: Casper is just Richie Rich, dead.
[00:55:36] Speaker B: Yeah, that's true.
So, yeah, that's my research.
Not even worth time debate, just common sense.
[00:55:50] Speaker D: Again, your research. What you just said was much better than.
[00:55:54] Speaker B: We also explained that in honor of Halloween, we are also drinking atomic pumpkin spicy ale from New Belgium. You are spicy.
[00:56:04] Speaker D: I'm drinking coffee.
[00:56:08] Speaker B: Eric's barely staying awake.
Overall, I had a different reaction to that song. It is absurd from an adult point of view, but I immediately recognized it as something. But it creeped me out because it's a grown man with a gravely voice using the wrong kind of voice.
[00:56:25] Speaker E: That description of the amount of time like that is powerful to me. The song undermined.
[00:56:34] Speaker D: Watch. Joshua. Mr. Yucky.
[00:56:44] Speaker B: Seriously, if I opened the cupboard and saw that sticker there, I would just slam it shut. I wanted to drink that draino, but no, I can't.
[00:56:53] Speaker D: So effective.
[00:56:54] Speaker B: Mr. Yuck has warned me off. All right, our next story is, as I said in the intro, the centerpiece. It's the longest one. It's 20 some minutes, I think.
[00:57:03] Speaker E: Did we switch? Did we go to no one? No, it's the same one.
[00:57:06] Speaker D: No. First of all, I can't get out of my head. The main character is the size of her finger. So the entire time, I'm like the visualization in my head was just hilarious.
[00:57:19] Speaker B: Well, it's difficult to visualize his brothers beating, beating him before that. I'm like, all right, have a good trip.
[00:57:27] Speaker E: Oh, one more baby.
[00:57:29] Speaker B: That is effective. To me, when they first describe him as tiny, there's something about, I'll sidetrack this a little into an actual horror theory discussion of the horror of unexpected size. I think that's a legitimate thing. And when they described, yes, just the suddenness, oh, I had another baby, and it was the size of the mother's.
[00:57:55] Speaker C: Knowledge.
[00:57:55] Speaker B: It made me think, have you guys ever seen the kingdom? The tv series? Yes, by Lars von Trier. In this tv series, a woman gives birth to a full size man baby.
[00:58:07] Speaker E: And again, it's like, I will go to this roof right now and yell, dance, caviar, danish scum.
[00:58:16] Speaker B: So the fact that a 1973 Children's album could remind me of the kingdom. Lars ventrier, very similar point in its favor. But I realize that Eric hates this kind of thing, but I enjoy folktales for their complete detachment from cause, effect, reality, internal logic, these kind of things. Like this is following a plotline then and then.
[00:58:41] Speaker E: Yeah, it has the structure of a shaggy dog joke. It's just designed to go on and on and on. The point is to kill an hour to get this kid to go to sleep.
[00:58:54] Speaker B: Exactly. But again, when you're thinking it's for kids, it's gruesome. She slits throats and slits her own daughter's throat.
[00:59:02] Speaker D: Flash. Yes.
[00:59:03] Speaker B: And then the little thumb guy tricks her into killing her own children. Yeah, it's horrific.
[00:59:09] Speaker E: I'm hopping around a little bit here. Hey, little thumb guy, I like you best out of these guys. You're going to sleep in my room.
[00:59:15] Speaker B: And she fluffs his pillow for him at one time. Again, it's all that proportion thing. We're like, is he just sleeping in the center of a gigantic pillow?
[00:59:24] Speaker E: Does she just keep a.
[00:59:27] Speaker D: Tiny little pillow for hospitality?
[00:59:29] Speaker E: You don't know.
[00:59:29] Speaker B: You never know. This happens regularly.
[00:59:33] Speaker E: And then feels compelled to lie to him when she's sneaking around in the middle of the night like, that's just getting some water.
[00:59:42] Speaker D: Just kill him.
[00:59:43] Speaker B: Don't judge me, pinky man.
[00:59:46] Speaker E: You're my guest. I'll kill your brothers if I want.
[00:59:50] Speaker B: And I'm trying to imagine this tiny pinky sized man undressing and redressing 20 men and women.
[01:00:00] Speaker E: Well, he does just lay the clothes over them.
[01:00:01] Speaker B: Oh, you're right.
[01:00:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:00:02] Speaker B: But he first had to get them off.
[01:00:04] Speaker E: It's true.
[01:00:05] Speaker B: I can barely get my own pads.
It's tough.
And best improv group name is elongated.
[01:00:15] Speaker E: Donkey'S like, no, it shrinks back up again.
[01:00:22] Speaker B: Awkward.
[01:00:23] Speaker D: And then she says, that was one of my best magic tricks.
[01:00:27] Speaker C: Really?
[01:00:29] Speaker D: That's what you got? That's what you got. You should have started with the beautiful woman bit. That was your best bet. No, the donkey that grows and then shrinks back again and this little thumb.
[01:00:42] Speaker E: Guy is so heavy, it just burns through all of his brothers carrying him.
[01:00:46] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:00:47] Speaker B: Well, that, I think, is meant to symbolize the brother's guilt for.
[01:00:53] Speaker E: I was ready to go.
[01:00:57] Speaker B: The next one is the Hag, which is a poem from the 16 hundreds by Robert Herrick, who was heavily influenced by classical roman poetry and wrote on pastoral themes, dealing mostly with the english country life and village customs, including hags.
And this is pretty much straightforward atmospherics. I think they just needed a poem here to break up the two longer stories, because the next one is the secret commonwealth. You remember this at all?
[01:01:28] Speaker E: It does start to blur together.
[01:01:29] Speaker B: Okay. This one I did legitimately enjoy. To me, this had some creepy Mr. James esque moments. This is the one with the fiddler who has a broken neck and who danced the jig in the moonlight. Oh, yeah, because he got lured into the fairy cave.
[01:01:47] Speaker D: If I had a nickel.
[01:01:50] Speaker E: Was that needed to sneak a piece of fabric? Am I getting the wrong story?
[01:01:55] Speaker B: That's a different story, but we'll get to it.
[01:01:57] Speaker D: It doesn't matter. It's all just.
[01:02:01] Speaker B: This is interesting. I'm just going to state that, and you can't argue. Guys, this is interesting.
[01:02:07] Speaker E: Well, based on my memory of this story.
[01:02:10] Speaker C: I don't know about the story.
[01:02:11] Speaker B: This comes from a scottish clergyman, Robert Kirk, who collected stories about fairies, witches, ghosts and the second sight. And when he died, it was said that he had been taken away to fairyland for revealing the secrets of the fairies. His work was collected posthumously in a collection called the Secret Commonwealth, a title which some nerds out there may recognize as being the second book in Philip Pullman's book of Dust trilogy.
[01:02:42] Speaker D: Oh, yeah.
[01:02:44] Speaker B: From this, the Secret Commonwealth.
Last fact about this I have to share. The original collected book of stories has one of the most hilariously long subtitles I have ever seen. So it was called the Secret Commonwealth, or an essay on the nature and actions of the subterranean. In parentheses and for the most part, in parentheses. Invisible people, heretofore going under the name of fawns and fairies or the like among the low Country Scots, as described by those who have second sight. 1691.
[01:03:23] Speaker D: So the title of the book is the entirety of the first chapter.
[01:03:31] Speaker B: But I did think this successfully had another adult scary image in that dead fiddler.
[01:03:37] Speaker D: If he was a rich man.
[01:03:44] Speaker C: This.
[01:03:44] Speaker B: Could have been a lot more jewish and been more entertaining.
I'm not going to disagree.
[01:03:50] Speaker E: We going on?
[01:03:50] Speaker F: Yeah.
[01:03:51] Speaker B: This brings us to the horny golock.
[01:03:54] Speaker D: Which was my favorite, just because I heard Conrad say the word horny horny many times and that made me now.
[01:04:01] Speaker B: Have a ringtone that is just a super.
I think Hagrid got kicked out of Hogwarts for keeping a horny goliath.
But do you know what this poem is actually about? You didn't know? I'm turning this into a trivia game.
[01:04:24] Speaker D: I don't know what anything on this album is about. Quit asking me. I don't understand anything.
[01:04:28] Speaker B: An actual real world corresponding creature.
[01:04:32] Speaker D: Ron Jeremy's first name.
[01:04:34] Speaker B: It is a description of an earwig.
[01:04:37] Speaker E: Gross.
[01:04:37] Speaker B: I went online and there is a fake Wikipedia page for the horny Golock using all the scots dialect.
There's a lot of fecking about the description of the horny golock, which is just a description of an earwig, as if it is a great monstrous creature.
[01:04:57] Speaker D: What's an earwig?
[01:04:58] Speaker B: It's an insect.
[01:04:59] Speaker E: It's like a sort of worm shaped. I mean, it's more of like.
[01:05:02] Speaker B: It's exactly as described in the poem, the horny gola.
[01:05:06] Speaker D: Does it go in your ear?
[01:05:08] Speaker B: That is an old wives tale. And that's possibly.
[01:05:11] Speaker D: Is that on the album?
Earwig?
[01:05:18] Speaker B: Come on.
[01:05:20] Speaker D: You've run out of patience for me.
[01:05:22] Speaker E: No, it's a small creature with a wig.
[01:05:26] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:05:28] Speaker B: Shaped like an ear.
[01:05:32] Speaker C: I wish.
[01:05:33] Speaker E: Like a big 50s kind of buffant.
[01:05:36] Speaker D: That should have been on the album.
What's next, Joshua?
[01:05:40] Speaker B: How a witch tried to kill a king. And this is actually based on a true story of James VI of Scotland. And there really was an Agnes Sampson who was dragged before the king, who was being told he had all these witches that were causing mischief in Scotland and he didn't believe it. But Agnes Sampson's confession changed his mind. It's not included in this poem, but apparently what changed his mind is that she quoted verbatim the conversation the king had with his wife on their wedding night.
[01:06:20] Speaker E: Well, going to bed.
[01:06:21] Speaker B: Go to bed.
Ed wood impression. My next one will be better.
[01:06:28] Speaker E: So we're married, huh?
[01:06:30] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:06:31] Speaker E: Pretty good.
[01:06:32] Speaker B: Well, your room's down the hall.
[01:06:36] Speaker D: When are you going to start cooking?
[01:06:39] Speaker E: It does have the hanging a clam upside down to drain its venom.
[01:06:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Clam venom.
[01:06:46] Speaker E: Is that a real thing.
[01:06:47] Speaker D: Also a great improv group.
[01:06:49] Speaker B: I couldn't verify the veracity of clam venom.
[01:06:53] Speaker E: Hello, I'm clam venom, and this is my band, extending donkey.
[01:06:59] Speaker B: It's elongated donkey, which I think is a lot more serious sounding than extended under my donkey insult.
[01:07:06] Speaker E: The.
[01:07:06] Speaker B: That's what happens when elongated donkey does really well.
They get extended stretchy donkey. They get more weekends. What's weird to me is that this is another terribly dark bit of history that is included in this children's album because this led to the North Berwick witch hunt in Scotland that ended up in the arrest and execution of over 60 people.
Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween.
[01:07:34] Speaker E: Trick or treat you some clam venom.
[01:07:38] Speaker B: It was strangely presented. It felt like a true crime like dragnet episode. The names of these witches have been.
[01:07:43] Speaker E: Changed, but sort of portray the one guy who wouldn't give away any handkerchiefs.
[01:07:48] Speaker B: As this is the real hero, because he was.
[01:07:50] Speaker E: No, I won't give you the.
[01:07:52] Speaker B: Creepily hoarding the king's sheets for himself.
[01:07:58] Speaker C: What?
[01:07:58] Speaker B: I don't have his sheets.
Suppose you met a witch, which is another poem that Eric clearly must have loved.
[01:08:09] Speaker E: This one was kind of fun. This was a little wonder twins.
[01:08:12] Speaker B: This is more what I expected out of the album, honestly. Seemed like kid adventurey type of stuff. And this was a more contemporary poem, so it's not surprising. This was written in the 1950s by an english author named Ian Soreller. I may be terribly mispronouncing it, and it was turned into a children's book the same year this album came out. So maybe they had some sort of cross promotional deal going on. And it was illustrated by Ed Emberley, who I remember as a kid who wrote a book, Ed Emberley's book of animal drawings that had these really weird.
[01:08:47] Speaker E: Fancy iron Maiden torture scenes.
[01:08:51] Speaker D: Mr. Yuck. He drew Mr. Yuck.
[01:08:53] Speaker B: Anyway, and this brings us to the last story, the strange visitor, which is the story I remember from childhood. The poem that I think is legitimately creepy about the lonely spinner who has the body assemble itself piece by piece.
[01:09:11] Speaker E: Yeah, you got to have a great big set of hips to tell this.
Like, come on. Really big set of hips.
And then what came? And a wee, tiny little waist. You're messing with me.
[01:09:31] Speaker B: I'm going to open myself up on Halloween to little gross little vulnerability here. Oh, there's earwigs.
Earwigs everywhere. I'm familiar with this poem. And there was just something that struck me as really sad about the loneliness of this woman who's like, yeah, I'm so lonely that you can keep rolling body parts in here.
This idea of how desperation and loneliness can shortcut what should be fear and horror.
[01:10:03] Speaker E: Right?
[01:10:04] Speaker B: This goes back to our discussion of.
[01:10:05] Speaker E: Carmilla building up like, hey, I see the legs and the knees and the hips and the torso, and I'll stop. This is enough body.
[01:10:11] Speaker B: That's enough.
[01:10:12] Speaker E: That's all I really want.
[01:10:13] Speaker B: I'm not lonely anymore.
I just want a mismatched bottom for company.
[01:10:23] Speaker E: Just a head outside.
We're not done.
[01:10:28] Speaker D: Always the head knocking with its tongue.
[01:10:33] Speaker B: It's back to the screaming skull, right? See, these things are really anchored in classic horror here.
[01:10:41] Speaker E: Thick web of references.
[01:10:43] Speaker B: Yes, mucusy web.
I love the inexplicable explanation for his wee parts. He has really grand explanations for each big, muscular part. But then she's like, well, what about that tiny? And he just like, late. And we mall and I researched that. No one knows what that means. There's dialect in there, but no one really knows what it means. Some people have translated it into up late and little food.
[01:11:12] Speaker E: I just quickly gave up and thought, oh, this is Welsh.
[01:11:14] Speaker B: But from what I could research, it appears to be basic welsh people.
I just thought, this is some welsh nonsense.
But basically it seems to be that he's just being asked a question he doesn't like and going from the fact, well, which amused me, I find it a disquieting little story. And when the librarian or school teacher, whoever read this to me, did the well, why are you here?
To get you or whatever it screams, it worked on me because I was like, is it Mr. Yuck, the small twitching rabbit of a boy?
[01:11:56] Speaker D: I will say in all sincerity, I thank you so much for doing all that research, because I had no idea how I was going to help contribute to this podcast recording of this in any way, shape, or form, because I was so lost, discombobulated.
[01:12:18] Speaker B: Unmoored, lost, lost, surly.
[01:12:22] Speaker D: Pick the words. Thank you for doing all the research. You made this very interesting, and I was really glad to learn all of those things.
[01:12:28] Speaker B: I knew this would be the case with you. Listeners don't know this, but last night was Tim held a party in honor of his 10th wedding anniversary. I was invited, but I did not go because I was like, eric's going to just say I'm out. I hated this.
[01:12:44] Speaker D: That's why you didn't go.
[01:12:46] Speaker B: I did a lot of this research last night because as soon as I found the origins of some of these poems, I went, oh, no, they all have origins. And now I must know them.
[01:12:57] Speaker D: The worst part of this for me was staring at the album cover and what they did to poor William Conrad. That mask and that drawing of him.
[01:13:07] Speaker B: We'll include an image of.
He was surrounded by the little tiny pinky man and the fiddler and characters from all these stories.
[01:13:18] Speaker D: The toughest man in my vision, it's William Conrad. And he looks like an idiot. And I hate it. I hate looking at him.
[01:13:27] Speaker E: It looked to me like this was his psychedelic album, that he was right.
[01:13:33] Speaker D: Like the Frank Sinatra disco album.
[01:13:37] Speaker E: A little love Shatner's.
[01:13:39] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:13:39] Speaker B: They call me William Conrad.
[01:13:47] Speaker D: Ask me what I thought of this.
[01:13:49] Speaker B: What do you think of this, Eric?
