Episode 328: A Night to Forget

[00:00:27] Speaker A: Welcome to the mysterious old Radio Listening Society, a podcast dedicated to suspense, crime, and horror stories from the golden age of radio. I'm Aaron. I'm Tim. [00:00:36] Speaker B: And I'm Joshua. [00:00:37] Speaker C: We love mysterious old time radio stories, but do they stand the test of time? That's what we're here to find out. [00:00:42] Speaker B: Today we present a public version of one of our Patreon only podcasts, b sides of the mysterious old radio. Each episode focuses on a companion piece to one of our regular weekly episodes. This time, I selected the Quiet please episode a night to forget, as the B side to last week's featured episode, the coffin in Studio B. [00:01:07] Speaker A: Quiet please was the brainchild of radio and screenwriter Willis Cooper, creator of another iconic radio series, Lights Out. Quiet please debuted on the Mutual Broadcasting network on June 8, 1947. In September 1948, the series switched to ABC and remained there until its final broadcast on June 25. [00:01:28] Speaker C: Every quiet please story was told in the first person by actor Ernest Chappell. Cooper's scripts utilized Chapel's everyman voice and natural gift for storytelling to create a sense of intimacy between performer and listener. The synergy between Cooper, Scripps, and Chappell's performances was arguably the program's greatest strength. [00:01:45] Speaker B: And now let's listen to a night to forget from quiet, please, written by Willis Cooper and broadcast March 22, 1948, roughly 15 years after he wrote the coffin in studio B. [00:02:00] Speaker A: It's late at night, and a chill has set in. You're alone, and the only light you see is coming from an antique radio. Listen to the sounds coming from the speaker. Listen to the music and listen to the voices. [00:02:18] Speaker D: Quiet, please. Quiet, please. [00:02:29] Speaker E: You. [00:02:51] Speaker D: The mutual broadcasting System presents quiet, please, which is written and directed by Willis Cooper and which features Ernest Chappell. Quiet, please, for tonight is called a night to forget. It's dark in here. I can't find the doggone lights. Where's the lights? [00:03:26] Speaker F: There aren't any lights. John H. Who's that? It's me. [00:03:32] Speaker D: What'd you say about the lights? [00:03:34] Speaker F: I said there aren't any lights. [00:03:36] Speaker D: There's got to be. Not in here. John H. Isn't this Studio 15? [00:03:41] Speaker F: You kidding? [00:03:43] Speaker D: This is the morgue. That was last night. I think it was a dream. I remember I went to bed early because I had to get up so early this morning to get that stuff to Ted before he takes off for California. I drank a bottle of ginger ale with some lemon juice. I read variety for about 15 minutes. Then I went to sleep. Must have been no later than 1030. Then this happened. You know how it is sometimes when you get in the dream and you don't think you're dreaming and when you wake up, you wonder whether it happened or not. Well, I was walking down the hall to Studio 15 for this broadcast. And when I went in, it was all dark. And I stumbled around trying to find the lights and I hit my shin on something. Then this voice in the dark talked to me. [00:04:46] Speaker G: You kidding? This is the moral. [00:04:50] Speaker D: I'd not be darned if I can figure it out. I think it was a dream, all right. But my shin hurts where I barked it. It's all black and blue. I woke up and I lay there quite a while, you know, half dopey, trying to figure it out. I turned the lights on finally, and I was right there in my room with my shin hurting me. I know I had been out of bed because I was all wound up in the covers and I couldn't get back to sleep again. You know how it is. You have a nightmare and you're afraid to go back to sleep because you might have another one. A worse one. Well, listen. I was just lying there in my own room with the lights on, looking at the ceiling and trying to think. And it began to get dark. No, the lights didn't go out. I could see the lights, but it was dark. Everything just sort of faded, like in a movie, you know? And pretty soon it was black. Dark. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. And I just. I just lay there flat on my back in the dark and the silence. And I was scared. [00:06:15] Speaker H: Doesn't he look nice? [00:06:17] Speaker D: Beautiful. [00:06:18] Speaker H: He's got that blue and white shirt on that I gave him. [00:06:21] Speaker E: I wish I could have got that tie from him in time. I always like that tie. [00:06:25] Speaker H: It is pretty. He certainly looks nice. [00:06:29] Speaker E: Certainly does. [00:06:31] Speaker D: Look, will you two please get out of my room? [00:06:34] Speaker H: What'd you say, John H? [00:06:36] Speaker D: I said, get out of my room. [00:06:38] Speaker H: What? This isn't your room, John H. Now. [00:06:41] Speaker E: Look, of course it. [00:06:43] Speaker D: Now, look, if I have to get up and chase you out of here. [00:06:45] Speaker H: Right, John H. You know you can't get off. [00:06:49] Speaker D: Of course you can't. [00:06:50] Speaker H: You're dead, John H. [00:07:00] Speaker D: And then it. It got. Well, undark. And pretty soon it was just the same as it was before I fell asleep. If I did fall asleep. Look, I'm a hard headed guy, even if I do work on supernatural radio shows. You don't want to believe this stuff. You go nutty. Only, well, sometimes. I always sleep in pajamas. Both halves. I put on my pajamas when I went to bed. Last night, red and white striped textron. Yeah, well when I woke up or when it got undark again I was wearing a blue and white shirt I never saw in my life. And I was wearing a hand painted Countess Mara necktie that I never saw before either. So this is too good. Somebody's playing funny jokes on me. I love practical jokers. In a pig's eye I do. Radio's full of practical jokers. All sorts of bum gags like Donna meets you used to do when he was a radioactor. You used to be reading a commercial giving a descent data. Donna, come up behind you and start to take your coat off. Well you know you can't stop. You're on the air and you have to make with this thing. So you'd wiggle around the first thing, you'd have your coat. Then he'd unbutton your suspender buttons, take off your necktie. You can't do a thing but keep that old smile in your voice and go about locked in. Goodness. And please Mrs. Housewife, buy the large economy size and holding onto your pants with one hand. And it's all very, very funny, especially if the sponsor is sitting there in the booth looking at you. So I say to myself, some practical joker. Only I add a couple of adjectives to that. Only thing is, how did he get the lights to go out? I lie there a while and I think and I try to figure it out. I shut my eyes I guess. Anyway, when I opened them it was dark again. [00:09:24] Speaker H: It. [00:09:25] Speaker D: I am walking around in the dark and the ground is springy underfoot. There's a cool wind blowing. What are those things? Those white things? They look like gravestones. They are gravestones. [00:09:44] Speaker G: Will you stand to one side please, John eight? [00:09:47] Speaker D: Excuse me, I got to get to work. [00:09:49] Speaker G: See this is an extra special rush job. I got to get it done right away. [00:09:55] Speaker E: Did you say something, John H. I. [00:09:58] Speaker D: Was just going to ask you, what is this place? [00:10:02] Speaker G: My goodness, John H. This is a cemetery. [00:10:05] Speaker D: Cemetery? [00:10:06] Speaker G: Certainly. Would you move your foot a little? [00:10:10] Speaker D: What am I doing in the cemetery? [00:10:12] Speaker G: What do people usually do in the cemetery, John eight? [00:10:20] Speaker D: Why? What are you doing? [00:10:24] Speaker E: Me? I'm just chiseling your name on this gravestone. [00:10:35] Speaker D: And there it was, laid out in chalk on the gravestone, John H. And I shut my eyes. When I opened up again I was lying on my bed. Well you know what people mean when they say their mind reels. Oh boy, I do. I rubbed my eyes and I felt like sand on my fingers. It wasn't sand though. It was marble dust. And, brother, I was shivering. This kind of nightmare is a little too real. And the telephone rang, and so I got up to answer it. Mind you, I was awake. Well, I know I was. All the lights were on. I got up and I picked up the receiver. I said, hello. Hello? [00:11:35] Speaker F: Sure is too bad, isn't it? Sure is. I never heard of such a thing. [00:11:39] Speaker D: Hello. Hello. Poor old John H. This is John H. Hello. [00:11:44] Speaker F: Poor old L. I'd say it's tougher on him than on John H. L. Who? L. April. You know, the sound effects man. Oh, I didn't know his name. [00:11:55] Speaker D: Who is this? Hello? [00:11:58] Speaker F: He feels pretty awful about it. Well, I should think he would. Who is killing a man? He didn't mean to, you dope. I know it. But just the same, poor old John Aides, he didn't know it was loaded. I mean, loaded with bullets. Matter of fact, there was just the one bullet. One was enough. Right on the air, too. Yeah, I bet that was the first time a radio audience ever heard a real killing. Yeah. [00:12:25] Speaker D: Hello. I want to know who this is. [00:12:28] Speaker F: What about its commercials? You know John H. You mean? Yeah. Well, I'm auditioning for the big one tomorrow. You are? Yeah, they called me this morning. Gee, I wonder if I could get in on that. Well, I don't know. I'm pretty sure they're going to pick me. I think I'll try anyway. Sure you won't mind? No. Oh, no. Well, I'll see you. Poor old John age. Yeah, too bad, wasn't it? So long. [00:13:01] Speaker D: Who is. Hello? Hello? [00:13:07] Speaker H: Yes, sir. [00:13:08] Speaker D: You got me in on a crossed wire or something? [00:13:11] Speaker H: No, sir. [00:13:11] Speaker D: Well, when you rang me, I picked. [00:13:13] Speaker E: Up the phone and. [00:13:13] Speaker H: I'm sorry, sir, but I didn't ring you. [00:13:17] Speaker D: What? [00:13:17] Speaker H: Why, I haven't had a call for you all evening. [00:13:30] Speaker D: That wasn't a nightmare or a dream that happened. Even if the operator did say she didn't ring me, whoever it was playing a joke on me, they fixed it with the operator so she'd say that, didn't they? All right, that's the way I figured it, too. So this was about 1130. At 12:30 the manager of the hotel called me on the phone. [00:13:56] Speaker F: I hate to wake you up at this hour of the night, John H. But I thought maybe radio registry. Somebody might have called you and couldn't get you. See, and I know how important it is for people on the radio to get their calls. [00:14:07] Speaker D: What are you talking about? [00:14:08] Speaker F: Why, I just thought you might want to call registry and see if they've been trying to get you. [00:14:12] Speaker D: See, I don't get it. [00:14:14] Speaker F: Oh, excuse me. See, something happened to our telephones about 10:00 and nobody's been able to get a call in or out of the hotel since then, and I'm. [00:14:33] Speaker D: Well, maybe my practical jokers might have got to the manager, too. But this morning when I came downstairs, I found he wasn't kidding. The phones had been out for 2 hours and a half. Something blew up in the switchboard or something. That's carrying a practical joke an awful long ways, isn't it? That's one night I won't forget, believe me. But I got to stop this kind of talk and this kind of thinking. I will forget it. Heck, it was probably a lot of nightmares. I'm going to stop drinking ginger ale before I go to bed. Well, anyway, I saw ted and gave him the stuff, and he got away to California. Okay. I thought I had a hunch that if this was a gag, Ted might have had a hand in it. So I made a few cracks, but he didn't give it a tumble, you know, like he would if he'd had anything to do with it. He can go just so far with a gag and then he can't keep his face straight. But he didn't fall for any of my hints at all, so, man, I gotta forget it. But just for laughs, when I see that Al April, I'm gonna make him show me that sound effects pistol. Believe me. So then I went and did my commercial. The guy from the agency was there. He had the renewal of my contract with him. Well, anyway, after I signed it and he signed it, I'm not going to hold auditions for my job tomorrow. So, like they say on the radio, here we are at the bottom of the well. This is no dream. This is the hallway that goes down to Studio 15. There's Miss Rose. Hello, Miss Rose. Through the door, there's the drinking fountain on the left. And the lights are turned down. It's bright. I'm early today. Want to be here early so I can talk to Al April. And look at that sound effects gun. I'm not dreaming. Now cut it. Studio 15 in the door in the control room. Nobody there. Hang up with coat. Go in the studio. Light switches right where it always was and the lights go on. Nothing here yet. [00:17:22] Speaker E: You're late, Johnny. [00:17:25] Speaker D: Not either. [00:17:26] Speaker E: Look at the clock. [00:17:27] Speaker D: Oh, who are you? [00:17:30] Speaker E: I'm Mr. D. I got your note and I came right over. [00:17:33] Speaker D: Note? What note? [00:17:35] Speaker E: The note you wrote me to meet you here tonight. [00:17:37] Speaker D: I didn't write any note. [00:17:38] Speaker E: You certainly did. I've got it right here in my briefcase. Got it right here. [00:17:43] Speaker D: I don't know what you're talking about. [00:17:45] Speaker E: Mr. Just a second. Oh, my goodness. I don't seem to have it after all. But I'm here, so that's all that matters, isn't it? [00:17:54] Speaker D: What'd you say your name is? [00:17:55] Speaker E: Dee. [00:18:01] Speaker D: Well, what'd you want? I'm on the air just a little boy. [00:18:06] Speaker E: It won't take long, Johnny. I've got the catalog right here, and you can pick one out in no time. About how high do you want to go? [00:18:14] Speaker D: What say your name is again? [00:18:15] Speaker E: Deep. Here's the catalog. [00:18:18] Speaker D: How do you spell it? [00:18:19] Speaker E: You spell what? [00:18:20] Speaker D: Your name. [00:18:21] Speaker E: O d E A T H. Shall we sit down here at the table where I can spread out the catalog? [00:18:35] Speaker D: Listen, Mr. Death, or whatever your name is, this gag has gone just about far enough. [00:18:40] Speaker E: Why? What gag, John H. Your gag. [00:18:42] Speaker D: My friend's gag. I'm tired of it. Suppose you scram. [00:18:46] Speaker E: What are you talking about, John H. I don't indulge in gags, not in my business. [00:18:51] Speaker D: And what is your business, Mr. Death? Pronounced deed? [00:18:55] Speaker E: I don't know whether you're trying some of your radio humor on me, John H. You dragged me all the way down from the Bronx to let you pick out a coffin. [00:19:03] Speaker D: A coffin? [00:19:03] Speaker E: You think I'm in the grocery business now, this one here, you wouldn't want. Man as well known and prosperous as you, John H. You wouldn't want to be found dead in this one. No, sir, you wouldn't be found dead in it. [00:19:19] Speaker D: Look, buster, I don't want a coffin. [00:19:22] Speaker E: Then why did you sign an order for one and pay a substantial down payment? [00:19:27] Speaker D: I didn't. [00:19:29] Speaker E: All right. Well, let's get this settled. This model of 23, code name tired. This will set you back 441, $0.23, tax included, of course. [00:19:42] Speaker D: I don't want it. [00:19:43] Speaker E: Something a little more expensive, perhaps. Here. The dandy. Code name sleepy. Solid rosewood. Well, practically solid. Hand polished silver alloy handles, nylon lining in your choice of color. [00:19:58] Speaker D: I don't want. [00:20:03] Speaker E: Ah, well, what do you know about this for a. Huh? By George, I didn't know this model. [00:20:11] Speaker G: Was in the book. [00:20:13] Speaker E: Look at that. [00:20:14] Speaker D: What? [00:20:14] Speaker E: Look at the code name. [00:20:17] Speaker D: Code name John H. [00:20:28] Speaker E: Man, is that a job? You know, I haven't seen this model yet. Look how it streamlined. Plastics, too. The latest thing, real, built in, factory engineered dependability. Finest model we've ever made. And look, it's fireproof. And that coincidence about the code name the John H. You know what, John H. You'll be the very first user of this latest model. Stand up. [00:20:58] Speaker D: What for? [00:20:59] Speaker E: My goodness, this is a made to measure job, John H. Nothing too good for you famous radio people. Stand right up there. That's it. Now, let me see. Dimension A. My, you have broad shoulders, don't you? Let me put this down there. [00:21:20] Speaker D: Listen, Mr. Please. [00:21:22] Speaker E: I'm going to get it absolutely right, John H. I tell you, I can hardly wait to see you in it. Stand still. [00:21:29] Speaker D: Listen, this has gone far enough. [00:21:30] Speaker E: Just hold the tape measure. Let me see. Three inches above your head. [00:21:39] Speaker D: Now, 6ft. [00:21:42] Speaker E: Four inches. I didn't realize you were that tall, John H. How much do you weigh? [00:21:51] Speaker D: Well, let's see. I've lost 17 pounds since I went on the diet. [00:21:57] Speaker E: My, you must tell me about that if we have time. 17 pounds. [00:22:06] Speaker D: And that makes it 191. [00:22:10] Speaker E: Oh, my gracious. I can save you a little money, then. The oversized models carry a 4% discount, you see. Little ones are harder to make. You're very fortunate, John H. Now, as a plaque on the lid, see here. Yeah, well, we can engrave that with any large emblem or, you know, are you an odd fellow or a moose or anything like that? You are a big fellow, and I suppose you could say in slang that you're a big moose. Get it? [00:22:45] Speaker D: No, the only thing I belong to is the lambs. [00:22:50] Speaker E: Lambs? Lambs. Oh, my, John H. I really don't think we could do that. You see, we carry all the well known emblems in stock, but the lambs, we'd have to have that engraved, and I'm terribly afraid there won't be. Oh, you said it was a rush job, remember? Matter of fact, it's tonight, isn't it? [00:23:14] Speaker D: What's tonight? [00:23:15] Speaker E: When you ought to be killed. If I remember correctly, you said in your note with the order that a sound effects pistol was Mr. [00:23:21] Speaker D: Deep. Did I write that? [00:23:24] Speaker E: Well, I couldn't swear to it in court, of course, John H. But somebody wrote it and your name was signed to it. [00:23:31] Speaker D: Well, look, I'll write my name. Is that the signature? [00:23:44] Speaker E: Absolutely identical, John H. Yes, sir, absolutely identical. I remember the curlicues on the h. I don't understand. It's perfectly simple. You're going to die and you need a respectable, refined, late model coffin, that's all. [00:24:02] Speaker D: Are you sure? I'm going to die. [00:24:04] Speaker E: Cheer up, John H. Of course you're going to. [00:24:08] Speaker D: You know, I heard that before. [00:24:12] Speaker E: Yeah, it's all over town tonight. That's what you said. [00:24:16] Speaker D: By a shot from a sound effects pistol. [00:24:19] Speaker E: I saw it in your own handwriting. [00:24:21] Speaker D: How did I know, Mr. D. I'm. [00:24:24] Speaker E: Sure I don't know, John H. Isn't. [00:24:27] Speaker D: There any way out of it? [00:24:29] Speaker E: Don't ask me. I'm just a salesman, and you're just a customer. Not that I don't enjoy listening to you on the radio, John H. I really do. And I must say that you're going to be a great loss to the art science profession. [00:24:45] Speaker D: What do you call it? [00:24:46] Speaker E: It's a living, and now it's a dying. Mustn't mind my little jokes, John H. I'm an inventorate joker. [00:25:00] Speaker D: Is this one of your jokes? [00:25:03] Speaker E: Oh, no, John H. This is strictly business. Did you want to give me a check for the remainder now? Well, I think possibly that'd be wisest, considering that. Well, you know how long it takes to get money out of an estate. [00:25:18] Speaker D: Look, what if I don't die? [00:25:21] Speaker E: I wouldn't worry about that. [00:25:23] Speaker D: Well, what if I don't? [00:25:24] Speaker E: Well, you will eventually, John H. And at least we'd have time to engrave anything you wanted on the. Excuse me. Is this the gentleman that's going to shoot you? [00:25:42] Speaker D: Hello, Al. [00:25:43] Speaker G: Hi, John H. Well, you get killed again, do, huh? Says here you do. [00:25:54] Speaker D: How do I get killed this time, Al? [00:25:56] Speaker G: Get shot. [00:25:58] Speaker D: I see. Excuse me, Mr. D. Certainly. [00:26:03] Speaker E: Is he the one? [00:26:04] Speaker D: He's the soundman, Al. April. Very interesting. Say, Al. [00:26:14] Speaker H: Yeah? [00:26:16] Speaker D: You ever have any accidents with those guns? [00:26:21] Speaker G: No. How could you? [00:26:24] Speaker D: I don't know. What kind of accidents, really, shooting somebody with these things? No. [00:26:33] Speaker G: Look, in the first place, they're loaded with blanks. In the second place, there ain't any place for the bullet to come out if there was one. And in the third place, I always shoot him at the floor. So how could I shoot somebody? [00:26:45] Speaker D: I was just wondering. [00:26:47] Speaker E: You know, I always wondered how you do sound effects on the air. This is most interesting. [00:26:52] Speaker D: This is Mr. Deeth, Al. [00:26:54] Speaker G: How are you, Mr. Deeth? Your face looks familiar. You in radio? [00:27:00] Speaker E: Oh, my, no. I'm a salesman. [00:27:06] Speaker D: Can I look at the guns, Al? [00:27:07] Speaker G: Sure. [00:27:09] Speaker D: Which one you're going to use on the show? [00:27:11] Speaker G: This one. [00:27:12] Speaker H: See? [00:27:12] Speaker G: What's the matter with you, John H. [00:27:14] Speaker D: I'm a little nervous, I guess. [00:27:16] Speaker G: Al thought you was on the wagon. [00:27:20] Speaker D: I am. I'm just a little nervous, I guess. Let's see the bullets. [00:27:26] Speaker G: They're not bullets. Blanks. [00:27:28] Speaker D: The blanks. [00:27:30] Speaker G: Here. [00:27:33] Speaker D: How do you load it? [00:27:34] Speaker G: Give it to me. There. [00:27:41] Speaker D: Can I shoot it? [00:27:42] Speaker G: Sure. What do you want to shoot? [00:27:44] Speaker D: It for Ally. I got to make sure something. [00:27:48] Speaker E: John H. Is sure he's going to be shot tonight. [00:27:51] Speaker D: Yeah, that's right, Ally. I just want to test out these shells. [00:27:54] Speaker G: Well, that's silly, because. Go ahead, but don't point it at me. [00:27:59] Speaker D: I thought you said you couldn't shoot anybody with it. [00:28:01] Speaker G: Well, you know, the wadding, it stings kind of. [00:28:05] Speaker D: You'd use these same shells on the. Huh? [00:28:08] Speaker G: Sure. What, you scared? [00:28:12] Speaker D: Just. I got a hunch, Al. [00:28:15] Speaker G: Well, those are the same shells I'll use on the show. Go ahead and shoot. I got to get set up. [00:28:21] Speaker D: Okay, Al. You ask for it. [00:28:24] Speaker E: Hey, don't point that gun at me. Dog gone. Hey, I told you about that wadding. It stings. Dog gauntlet. [00:28:34] Speaker D: I'm sorry, Al. [00:28:38] Speaker G: You shut me. [00:28:42] Speaker D: There, Mr. Date. [00:28:45] Speaker E: Why, John H. You killed him. [00:28:48] Speaker D: That's right. So I'm not going to die after all. Take your coffins and get out of here. [00:28:56] Speaker E: Why? Don't be silly, John H. Of course you're going to die. [00:29:00] Speaker D: I am not. [00:29:01] Speaker E: Why, certainly you are. You murdered poor Al in cold blood, and they'll send you to the electric chair. [00:29:08] Speaker D: Yeah, how are they going to do that? They won't have any witnesses except. [00:29:15] Speaker E: Right, John H. How foolish. What about the people listening to you on the radio? Goodness, John H. Don't you know you're on the air? [00:29:49] Speaker D: The title of the quiet please story you have listened to is a night to forget. Willis Cooper writes and directs. Quiet, please. And John H. The man who spoke to you was Ernest Chappell, and James Monks played Mr. Deef. Al April was played by Murray Forbes, and the sound effects on the show were played by Al April. Others in the cast were Jack Tyler, Kermit Murdoch, Lon Clark, and Polly Cole. Original music for choir, please, as usual, is played by Albert Berman. Now, for a word about next week's quiet, please, here's our writer director, Willis Cooper. [00:30:28] Speaker E: Tonight's show is the 40th in the. [00:30:30] Speaker D: Series of quiet, please. Next week for the 41st, I think I'll call the show after the name of our series. Let's call it quiet, please. And so, until next week at this same time, stand quiet, please. I am quietly yours. Ernest Chappelle's comes to you from New York. This is the mutual broadcasting system. [00:31:23] Speaker A: That was a night to forget from quiet, please here on the mysterious old radio listening society podcast. Once again, I'm Eric. I'm Tim. [00:31:32] Speaker B: And I'm Joshua. [00:31:33] Speaker A: And it's kind of one of our b sides. If you're a Patreon we do these b side companions, but this is just what b side sounds like. We find a thing in a show and then do some kind of rabbit hole connection companion piece to that. But last week, if you did not listen to last week, I will say you should go back and listen to last week's because, well, it's too late. Because if you've gotten to this point in the podcast, you're like, there's so much fun in this podcast. And most of it revolves around my love for Tim. [00:32:09] Speaker B: I know what you implied. [00:32:16] Speaker A: One of the great things about this podcast is a, we do not discuss at all what we think of these or our feelings. Feelings, nothing. [00:32:26] Speaker B: Pretty much anything. We just stare blankly at each other. [00:32:29] Speaker A: Before we hit record, but we don't know if we're going to like it or not like it. We keep that very secretive because it's really fun to see the reaction. But also, these episodes, when we record them, they're sent out, they're put on a Google Doc. We all just listen to them. And I'm just going down the list before we record and going, okay, what are we recording today? And I listen to them. So I'm listening to this one, and I go, oh, man, this is like that last week's come, and then it finally occurred to me, oh, Joshua's doing this on purpose. This is a tie into last week, but I had a moment like, you're just robbing the lights out show, and I got a little angry last week, Joshua, with your lights out episode, coffin and Studio B, my response was great, somewhat on the north side of tepid, right? [00:33:24] Speaker B: I could tell because you called it your lights out. It's always my lights out episode when you don't like it, but when it. [00:33:32] Speaker C: Gets an A in spelling, then it's. [00:33:34] Speaker A: Our lights out episode. You'll be interested, I think, to know I loved this so much more than last week's. [00:33:44] Speaker B: That was the whole reason to pair these, is to just see what it's a dramatic difference, but it's the same. [00:33:50] Speaker A: Concept, same everything, and it's this. I can listen to that man read the phone book, right? It's him. It's like a few weeks ago we did that suspense, and I'm like, this is fine, but Stanwick is. Barbara Stanwick is so great. The same thing happened here. It's like, I know this story. [00:34:08] Speaker B: Ernest Chappell is the Barbara Stanwick of. Quiet, please. [00:34:11] Speaker E: Yes. Okay. [00:34:13] Speaker A: It's all about his performance. And I know we're beating a dead horse here, but I'm so infatuated and amazed by the fact that Cooper heard this announcer and made a show just for him and said, and it's just you mostly, and you're the star every week. And what a find, what an amazing eye for talent. And the whole thing's written for him. And this is really fun. I wish I would have listened to this first because I knew what was happening. I knew the end. A coffin salesman and someone's going to die. I guess I would have figured it out with this one, too. It kind of telegraphs what's coming, but. [00:34:59] Speaker B: He subverts the expectations if you just think it's going to be exactly true. Coffin and studio B. [00:35:07] Speaker A: Correct. [00:35:08] Speaker B: The actor who is approached by the coffin salesman is not the actor who dies on screen as it. [00:35:14] Speaker A: Right. I love how Chappell plays the everyman. Like, I'm going to do a horrible impression. What is happening? Why did that happen? Oh, well, moving on. [00:35:26] Speaker C: That is the main thing that jumped out at me is for as much as I totally agree that Ernest Chappell is just amazing, they will often say that actors are either this actor who just disappears into a role and there's just never the same thing twice, or this actor who does one thing and it's so magnificent that they just want to do that one thing. And usually you think of Chappell as that latter. He's just the sort of even paced, one tone guy, just telling a story. And it's interesting and he's charming and it's compelling. But I thought this was a great example of he can stay within that narrow sort of range and get a lot of variation. [00:36:00] Speaker D: Yes. [00:36:01] Speaker A: His range from first glance in all of quiet please is very limited, yet you don't ever listen and go, well, it's that guy again. Which is why he's so fascinating to me. He's not doing voices, he's not doing characters, he's being him. Yeah. [00:36:21] Speaker C: This character is radically different than other characters he plays in other episodes of. [00:36:25] Speaker A: Quiet, please, but not from a standpoint of he's playing an old man or something. He's not doing anything other than it's uncanny. [00:36:33] Speaker C: That sounds just like him. [00:36:35] Speaker A: He's the hermit. People don't know that. Ernest Chappell was the hermit from Hermit. [00:36:40] Speaker B: Two years old. Sorry, do you have anything we're doing? It's fun to have you guys respond to this the way I did as I just stumbled across this quiet, please and realized this is coffin and studio B. [00:36:55] Speaker A: Right. [00:36:55] Speaker B: Maybe some hardcore old time radio nerds out there knew this. It was one of those things I just found out as I listened to this particular episode of Quiet, please. Because I am enough of a nerd that I ration my quiet please. I am only about halfway through this series, and I limit myself to, like, two or three new episodes a year that way because I just don't want to be out of quiet, please episodes. [00:37:20] Speaker A: And this just has someone who watches a lot of law and order. Don't worry about it. You forget them. You can start over, especially at our age. You'll just forget they happened. [00:37:29] Speaker B: You forget them. The clever tie into a night to forget. But I think I will remember this one. So it was just exciting to me. And so then I had to listen to it a second time because by the time I realized that it was a rewrite of coffin and Studio B, I realized I had just been hyperventilating. [00:37:49] Speaker A: During half of it. [00:37:54] Speaker B: Exactly. So, yeah, then I have just been saving it for about a year, a year and a half. The weird ways we pick episodes for this podcast. I don't even understand why we need an episode tomorrow. Oh, God. Oh, I got to listen to a bunch of stuff. But I just found it fascinating, such a great writer as Willis Cooper, to see him take an idea that was written for one show that he created and change it so it fits with the new show he is making, because it's very quiet please. If you'd never heard any episode of Lights out or certainly never heard Coffin and Studio B, you wouldn't listen to this and go, this is a little different from quiet, please. Well, partly because quiet please ranges so greatly from episode to episode, but it. [00:38:45] Speaker A: Does have a style to it. And I think what you're trying to say, please forgive me if I'm putting words in your mouth, but it's an astounding job by a writer to write that same script and give it the voice of the parameters of the show that you're doing and make it fit that show. [00:39:04] Speaker B: And I think it still works. [00:39:06] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:39:07] Speaker B: And it's funny to see some of his radio and actor references change because he's well into his career. Here, the coffin and Studio B, the comments were on, like, low budget. Their actors working late at night. They don't have enough people to pull off the sound effects. And here it's an established actor who has other actors scrabbling to steal his commercial after he dies. He has anecdotes about Donna Michi, about famous actors that he's worked with. So that's what's reflected in the fiction. But I think even on a more meta level, the self referential stuff that Willis Cooper does is a little subtler to match. Quiet, please. And maybe I'm reaching so you guys can slam me down like you love to do. We'll add the sound effects later. [00:40:06] Speaker C: You're probably right, but no one likes you. [00:40:10] Speaker B: Thank you for finally saying the subtext out loud. The funny thing is, I'm okay with it. That's all I wanted to hear. The first part. I thought that opening the play in the dark felt like a sly reference to lights out. And then a few minutes into it, he seems to clarify this because John H. Says, no, the lights didn't go out. I could see the lights, but it was dark. As if he's saying, it's kind of like lights out, but it's not. And it's so subtle that it's there for me. Just me. [00:40:49] Speaker A: Right? [00:40:51] Speaker B: Ouch. But come on. If you're thinking there's a rewrite of lights out, and the whole thing is this opens in the dark and this discussion of whether lights are really out or not out and how the lights. [00:41:03] Speaker A: Changed, I didn't catch that till now. I just took it as know. [00:41:09] Speaker B: Oh, it's very dreamlike, the whole thing. And I think it has to be conscious on his part to name this protagonist John H. To use that very Kafka esque combination of a first name with a last initial, which makes me think of Malcolm X. Malcolm X, yes. Nothing says black power like, quiet, please. [00:41:33] Speaker A: Go back to your Kafka thing. I don't know what you're talking about. [00:41:35] Speaker B: Joseph K. Is the protagonist in the trial, which also has this real sort of nightmarish. Is this real? Am I dreaming? What's really happening to me? I feel vaguely persecuted, and I don't know why. [00:41:50] Speaker A: Right? [00:41:50] Speaker B: I mean, I'm just still describing the trial. I'm not talking about myself. [00:41:59] Speaker D: Come on. [00:42:02] Speaker B: But, like, the coffin in studio B, the Donna Michi anecdote, again, I could really relate to about him trying to do this. I hope that's true. I hope Donna Michi is so specific that I'm like, that has got to be true. [00:42:18] Speaker C: Just like Donovichi. I will get you for this someday. Everyone will know what you did. [00:42:24] Speaker A: Well, as we know, Willis Cooper was not afraid of revenge. Right? You crossed Willis Cooper. He'd find a way to reign on. [00:42:33] Speaker B: New Year's Eve, which is his whole grinding the axe about the son of Frankenstein. Frankenstein. [00:42:38] Speaker A: Yep. [00:42:39] Speaker C: Two enemies, Hollywood and Donna Michi. [00:42:42] Speaker B: But then he's also giving Ernest chapel, a chance to roll his eyes about being an announcer. He's going to be like, yes, Mrs. Housewife, enjoy your economy size. Blah, blah, blah, blah. [00:42:54] Speaker A: Which I found interesting because it does have a sponsor. Right? I would be afraid of saying, oh, sponsors are stupid. [00:43:03] Speaker B: Quiet please. Have a sponsor. I didn't think that was really. I never heard a sponsor in quiet please. [00:43:08] Speaker A: Well, then that's why they were free to make fun of sponsors and what they do. [00:43:12] Speaker B: However, I love the idea that he says all this time Donna Michi is slowly stripping him sponsors sitting there right. [00:43:19] Speaker D: In front of him. [00:43:20] Speaker A: Right. That reminded me, I spent my twenty s and early 30s in radio and DJing or rock and roll radio or whatever. Not this kind of radio, but that stuff went on all the time. Someone be reading the news and they're in front of a glass window and it's nothing but butt pressed up to the window. Especially if it was like a horrible story. We go, oh, Bruce is about to read. I won't get into specifics. It's something horrible that huge 911 happened. But the harder the story was, the more sincere it needed to be, the more we. So there's a lot of practical jokes that go on in radio that to this. Well, I don't know. To this day I haven't been in radio now for. Oh my God, it's been 20 years old. [00:44:14] Speaker B: Very old. [00:44:15] Speaker A: Oh no. [00:44:18] Speaker C: Smack Joshua down. [00:44:19] Speaker B: At that age. What did you think of this, Tim? [00:44:26] Speaker C: We carried on. I really enjoyed. It's particularly chappell. Well, two things. For as much as Chappell was in this weird, surreal sort of state, he was still kind of having a good time. That dynamic of this is horrible, but you're having fun and I'm having fun with you. And the specific skill with which Cooper would always like, it's real, it's not real, it's real, it's not real. And this would never let you sit comfortably in one point of view or the other. You just will not know what's really happening. [00:45:04] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what I think is the most markedly different from coffin and studio B, which we all shared the opinion that its biggest strength was how naturalistic most of it was. And here there's no real safe place. There's no place that you can confirm, okay, this is really happening. He tells you things like, I woke up and there were bruises on my knee or shins and things like that. But every scene quickly devolves into something that resembles dream logic and is wakes up clothes. [00:45:41] Speaker C: He dreamt he was in. [00:45:42] Speaker B: Yeah, his clothes change. That's a great line, though. Like, I like to sleep in my pajamas. Both halves, right? I just like the left half. [00:45:53] Speaker A: Hilarious. [00:45:55] Speaker B: Right? Two face over. [00:45:59] Speaker A: What did he call his pajamas? There was a name for them, and I wish I would have written it down. [00:46:02] Speaker B: Striped jammy. [00:46:03] Speaker D: Jams. [00:46:04] Speaker E: I'm pretty sure it was. [00:46:06] Speaker A: I don't remember what he called them, but I wanted to look it up. [00:46:09] Speaker B: Underroo's. [00:46:10] Speaker D: Yes. [00:46:11] Speaker B: Willis Cooper was groundbreaking. He invented under. [00:46:15] Speaker A: You know, we're way off topic, but why are there not Underroo's for adults? [00:46:20] Speaker B: It's all of cosplay, really. Make their own underuse. That's what happened to kids who just. [00:46:26] Speaker C: Bought, like, a badger on your top jammy and a badger in your bottom jammy. Then you got a pair of badger jammies. [00:46:32] Speaker A: Why badger? What superhero is that? Is that an ec comic? [00:46:37] Speaker B: I was thinking of a different animal, sort of themedimals. [00:46:42] Speaker A: There you go. Underuse was like, Superman. Batman. [00:46:45] Speaker B: I love how Wonder Woman made sense until someone said the word garanimals out loud. [00:46:52] Speaker A: Garanimals. [00:46:54] Speaker C: I looked up. Um, so, yes, there was that discussion of, like, well, we could put the moose. [00:47:01] Speaker A: Moose. [00:47:01] Speaker C: Which I don't know if that's really a thing or it's just a standard for the elks. [00:47:04] Speaker B: I think it's kind of a standard for the elks, I thought. [00:47:08] Speaker C: But lambs, it's an organization of artists, actors, that is primarily in New York, but I don't think it's limited to New York, and it continues to this day. We could, in theory, apply to join the lambs. [00:47:22] Speaker A: Oh, we are. [00:47:23] Speaker B: Now, that's hilarious. Because it's more of his inhumor. Because the casket salesman's like, oh, no. [00:47:30] Speaker C: But there's a lamb's website. They have their own little seal. There's, like, these sort of dinner rooms and places you can go. It looks really cool. [00:47:38] Speaker A: Is this, like, the Elgonquin roundtable kind of thing? [00:47:41] Speaker B: Kind of cool. [00:47:42] Speaker C: And it's named after the essayist Charles Lamb, if I'm getting his name right. [00:47:47] Speaker B: Lamb chop. Like the puppet? [00:47:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:47:49] Speaker C: It's named after famous artist and essayist Lamb chop. [00:47:54] Speaker A: Oh, now I'm totally. Yes. We are going to apply and keep our listeners updated on the process of us getting into lamb. [00:48:03] Speaker B: I thought that the coffin salesman was funnier in the second draft than he was in the first one. I don't know that he was trying to be super funny in the first one, but I love the whole Mr. Deef, even though you caught it just before he explained it. At least I did. But it was still like, wait, I did not. [00:48:23] Speaker C: I'm d. I'm Mr. D. I did. [00:48:25] Speaker A: Not catch it until he spelled it. [00:48:27] Speaker B: I see what you did there. And I love the names of the models. Like tired, sleepy, too much to drink. [00:48:38] Speaker A: All of those. [00:48:39] Speaker C: When he gets this vision of his tombstone, they didn't bother to spell out his last name. [00:48:45] Speaker A: Right? [00:48:46] Speaker B: Again, it has that surreal quality. And although, again, that scene is a trope. The guy who finds himself in the graveyard and it's his name on the tomb. [00:48:57] Speaker A: Christmas Carol. [00:48:58] Speaker B: Yeah, but when he wakes up and he thinks he has sleep in his eye and he says it's marble dust, I have no idea what marble dust feels like, but for some reason I could feel it and it seemed different and it seemed, again, very visceral, like you wouldn't want it in your eye. And so he moves very quickly through this predictable little scene, but then always has a nice punctuation for it. That is not what you expect. [00:49:22] Speaker A: I would argue. There's nothing I want in my eye I can't think of. Vizine, what'd you say? [00:49:32] Speaker B: Pesto. [00:49:35] Speaker A: Stop talking about food. We got one more to record, then we can go get food. [00:49:41] Speaker B: One of the things that I thought was incredibly effective in this is the build up of the specificity of how he's going to die. It's the sound effects pistol. And we build to it. He's anxious about it. I need to go in and I'm going to look at that gun. And then finally we get to the point where the sound effects guy comes in and he's basically like, suddenly his fears don't seem that far back. And for that moment, you're like, oh, no. But then the sound effects guy in that same voice talks very professionally and clearly about, oh, this is how it works. And it has this little wet cotton ball and you'd never pointed at anyone. And then you're like, oh, you're relieved again. Like, okay, this can't go wrong. [00:50:27] Speaker A: Couldn't help but think about Baldwin. Right? [00:50:30] Speaker C: And Brandon Lee. [00:50:31] Speaker A: Yep. [00:50:32] Speaker B: Yeah. This obviously has actually happened, so it's not as funny anymore. [00:50:42] Speaker C: Right, because they mentioned, like, the wadding. [00:50:45] Speaker A: Actually hit him, the first one. [00:50:47] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:50:48] Speaker B: And it's great. It's really comical when that fires. And he goes, ow. Because it's cathartic. Because you're like, oh, good. And then at least for me, I was like, oh, he's going to shoot him again. It's going to be real. Seconds before it happened. But not enough to ruin it, right. That anticipation was perfect. It was horror. Not, that's always this old thing. [00:51:09] Speaker C: The perfect timing is when you know it in the instant it happens. [00:51:13] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:51:13] Speaker A: I love this, as we said, for all the reasons we said. But the ending of this, that the resolution he comes to when realizing the inevitability of what's happening and the acceptance of it, for some reason, that what's happening, it's time machine stuff. If I go back and stop Hitler, right. This will never happen. It's that idea of his resolution is to kill the sound effects guy is just super interesting to me. It's a really interesting plot twist. [00:51:44] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:51:44] Speaker B: And at that point, when he kills that guy and he turns on the coffin salesman, the implication is, well, only one witness. I'm going to kill you, too. And then the stinger in this one being you're on the air at that moment. This entire thing is an actor's nightmare. [00:52:02] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:52:02] Speaker B: Completely, 100%. This entire time, you've been like, is it real? Is it a dream? And to me, I feel in that moment, Ernest Chapel, just unseen, sits up in bed, just covered in sweat, wearing both halves of his pajamas. [00:52:19] Speaker A: Left and right. [00:52:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:22] Speaker C: And I like that beat because it makes the listener complicit in the story. I am the witness that will make this. That makes it so you can't get away with this murder. [00:52:32] Speaker B: I hadn't thought of that, but that's a great notion. I like that a lot. [00:52:37] Speaker A: Right. [00:52:38] Speaker B: There's an expression in here that I'd never heard of where he goes, like we say on the radio, here we are at the bottom of the well. [00:52:45] Speaker A: Yeah, that's an interesting. [00:52:47] Speaker B: I looked this up instead of lamb, so I'm glad you looked up lamb, but I think it's in line with the lamb joke as well. It means a position from which you have limited perspective or opportunities. So again, I think this is a self deprecating joke about radio. And once I looked it up, I was like, oh, I wish he'd called it that. That would have been a great title for the bottom of the well. For that nightmare. A night to forget is a great title as well. I'll add that expression to my repertoire and befuddle everyone. [00:53:21] Speaker A: What other thoughts do we have? [00:53:23] Speaker B: One of my favorite laugh out loud lines in here is when Mr. Deeth tries to compliment him, and he's like, I must say that you're going to be a great loss to the art science profession. What do you call it, right, a living. Yes. [00:53:43] Speaker A: You're going to call it a dying. [00:53:45] Speaker B: I feel like in that line, you felt all 15 years that had passed since Cooper wrote coffin in studio B. [00:53:53] Speaker A: I was reminded of every creature that does chores on the Flintstones. [00:54:02] Speaker B: All right, let's vote. I should say that I think part of this vote. I'm very curious if you can come up with a preferred version of it. [00:54:09] Speaker A: This one. This is absolutely preferred over the last one. I think it is more nuanced. I like the open endedness of what's actually happening. I like the conclusion. I like the resolution that he comes to. I like chapel. Everything about this, and I think standing on its own without having heard the one before. If you just gave this to someone, I think they would say that was very enjoyable. So stand the test of time. Time. It's a great example of Cooper and chapel. And just, again, unfortunately, it's quiet please. So it does not get the classic. But it's really good. [00:54:46] Speaker B: And I really love when you say, it's quiet please. It doesn't get the classic. It's just that it's because of its competition. [00:54:52] Speaker A: It's its own competition. [00:54:54] Speaker C: I, weirdly am going to ascribe this to my pseudo punk youth that while I called the lights out episode a classic. And I stand by that. I think this is better, but not a classic because I like this scrappy, young Willis Cooper version of it. [00:55:16] Speaker A: Right. [00:55:16] Speaker B: Lights out is punk rock Willis Cooper? [00:55:18] Speaker D: Yes. [00:55:19] Speaker C: That's exactly what I was thinking, that this is better put together, better performed in all those ways. [00:55:25] Speaker A: Almost too polished. [00:55:26] Speaker C: It's not even a fault. It's just I like the rough edges. [00:55:29] Speaker A: Of the other one. Yeah. [00:55:31] Speaker B: Oh, it's so hard for me because it's hard to almost separate them. They're so fascinating as a pairing because it is so amazing to see such a great writer deconstruct his own script and then definitely reassemble it to fit his needs, which is to be more absurd, a little less conventional. At the same time, some of the strengths of the lights out episode is the unconventional elements being set against these very mundane, conventional elements. Because in a night to forget, by the time the coffin salesman shows up, Mr. Deeth, I mean, he's no more strange than anything else that has happened. He fits right in, which I think is terribly intriguing. So what it comes down to is the first time I heard this, I was like, this is better than a coffin in Studio B. And then I'm like, I'm going to put this on the list and we're going to talk about it. And then in preparing for this recording, I listened to them both back and back, and I was like, no, a coffin in studio b is much better. I slapped myself down. You're wrong. [00:56:44] Speaker D: Back and forth. [00:56:44] Speaker B: It's like Chinatown. They're both, to me, classics. And Willis Cooper's a classic. And I think what it does is demonstrate what makes Willis Cooper such a fascinating writer, his willingness to experiment and his willingness to examine his own work and make it part of his work. And it will depend on the day of the week which one I like better, but I just love it to death. This is, again, Josh Nip. This is what I love about old time radio. [00:57:20] Speaker A: Tim, tell him stuff. [00:57:21] Speaker C: Please go visit ghoulishdelites.com. And it's the home of this podcast. I mean, you can hear this podcast where we get podcasts, but if you go to goose delights, you can leave comments, you can vote in polls, you can send us messages. Let us know what you think about what we're doing here. [00:57:34] Speaker D: We think it's pretty good, but we. [00:57:36] Speaker B: Like to hear from you, too. [00:57:38] Speaker C: You can also find a link to our store, buy some swag, and you can find a link to our Patreon page. [00:57:44] Speaker B: Yes, go to patreon.com. The morals and support this podcast. You too can become a member of the mysterious old radio Listening Society. Please. Do we really need the help? Or you could become a member of our slightly altered version of the mysterious old radio listening society that we will create 15 years from now that'll be just like it, only surreal and depressing. [00:58:11] Speaker A: Will it be called Lamb? [00:58:12] Speaker D: Yes. [00:58:14] Speaker A: Hey, if you'd like to see us performing live, the mysterious old radio listening society theater company does recreations of classic old time radio and a lot of our own work as we perform audio drama on stage somewhere monthly. You can find out what we're performing each month, and sometimes more than once every month by going to ghoulishdelights.com, where we're performing, what we're performing, and how to get tickets to see us performing live. And if you can't make it to a show, if you're a Patreon, you get to see and or hear the show anyway as we record them on video and or audio and release that to our Patreons. What's coming up next? [00:58:55] Speaker C: Up next is one of my choices. We're going to be listening to the cipher murder case from Philo Vance. Until then, do you remember the sitcom from the 80s? There was a sitcom called it's a living about a bunch of waitresses in a sort of high end restaurant. I think angelian, if I remember right, was in it. [00:59:15] Speaker A: Okay. [00:59:16] Speaker B: No. [00:59:18] Speaker A: Did they have a woolly mammoth that did their dishes? [00:59:22] Speaker C: You never saw the kitchen. [00:59:24] Speaker A: Did they have a long beaked bird of some sort that played their records? [00:59:30] Speaker D: You don't. [00:59:31] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, they did. That's so stressful to me. That would so ruin your records. [00:59:37] Speaker E: Stop. Get the bird off your record.