Episode 318: Jack Frost

[00:00:25] Speaker A: It. [00:00:27] Speaker B: Welcome to the mysterious old Radio Listening Society, a podcast dedicated to suspense, crime, and horror stories from the golden age of radio. I'm Eric. I'm Tim. [00:00:36] Speaker C: And I'm Joshua. [00:00:37] Speaker D: We love mysterious old time radio stories, but do they stand the test of time? That's what we're here to find out. [00:00:42] Speaker B: Today, I've chosen a holiday episode from Candy Matson, Yukon two a two oh nine. Jack. Jack Frost. [00:00:51] Speaker C: The San Francisco based detective program was created by husband and wife team Monty and Natalie Masters. Monty wrote the tongue in cheek scripts, and Natalie starred as private eye Candy Matson. The scripts were packed with snappy dialogue, local references, and a cast of lovably over the top characters, including Candy's eccentric photographer pal, Rembrandt Watson, played by Natalie's real life uncle, Jack Thomas. [00:01:17] Speaker D: Candy Matson, Yukon 28209 premiered June 30, 1949 on NBC, West coast affiliate KNC. Despite its popularity with local listeners, Candy Mats never found a national sponsor. The final episode, candy's last case, aired April 20, 1951. Sadly, of the 92 episodes produced, only 14 are known to be in circulation today. [00:01:37] Speaker B: And now let's listen to Jack Frost from Canny. Matson, Yukon 28209. 1st broadcast December 1049. [00:01:47] Speaker C: It's late at night, and a chill has set in. You're alone, and the only light you see is coming from an antique radio. Listen to the sounds coming from the speaker. Listen to the music and listen to the voices. [00:02:09] Speaker E: Hello, Yukon 28209. Yes, this is Candy Matson. [00:02:22] Speaker F: The National Broadcasting Company presents Candy Matson, Yukon 28209. [00:02:37] Speaker E: Over here. What? Why, Myra Fisher. What are you doing here in a department store with your work clothes on? [00:02:44] Speaker G: I work here, dear. I'm a wage slave. [00:02:46] Speaker E: Well, I must say, on you it looks good. What do you slave at? [00:02:50] Speaker G: I'm head of advertising and promotion. [00:02:52] Speaker E: Well, quite a spot, hey girl. [00:02:53] Speaker G: Well, it was until this morning. Oh, now my neck is in the fire. [00:02:57] Speaker E: What'd you do, forget to proofread one of your ads? [00:02:59] Speaker G: Nothing so trivial, dear, believe me. But am I glad to have bumped into you. [00:03:03] Speaker E: Maybe you'll change your mind when I tell you I've been shoplifting. [00:03:06] Speaker G: No, I'm serious. Candy. Could you spare a moment and come on up to my office? [00:03:10] Speaker E: Why, sure. And wipe that frown from off your brow. It's wrinkling your makeup. [00:03:14] Speaker G: Well, yours would wrinkle, too, if you had a missing Santa Claus helper on your. [00:03:22] Speaker F: Well, well, now there's a situation. And it almost broke Candy Matson's heart when someone told her there was no Santa Claus's helper, one Jack Frost. Listen, here she is now to tell you about it. [00:03:37] Speaker E: That's right what the man said. I ran into a deal where we had a missing Santa Claus Helper. Jack Frost, the gent with the icicles, was supposed to talk to the tiny tots at the brownstone, one of San Francisco's larger and classier department stores. I'd gone down there that afternoon, shopping. I wanted a bow tie from my old pal, Inspector Ray Mallard of the San Francisco Police Department. A bow tie that lit up and spelled Cossack when you pressed the button on the battery. That was when I bumped into this gal, Myra Fisher. We went up to her office on the 6th floor and she sat me down. Cigaretted me, too. [00:04:09] Speaker G: You think I'm fooling about this Jack Frost thing, don't you, Candy? [00:04:11] Speaker E: Well, now look, dear, we all have our little pecadillos. Yours just merely happens to be a missing Jack Frost. You'll get over it. [00:04:18] Speaker G: I refrain from hurling this ashtray at you, candy, only because of our long acquaintance. [00:04:23] Speaker E: Good. [00:04:23] Speaker G: Now listen to me. We've had a Santa Claus helper here for almost a month and a darn good one. The kids were crazy about him this morning. He didn't show. [00:04:33] Speaker E: You don't suppose Jackie boy got in the mood and caught the Christmas pirate, do you? The kind that comes in pints? [00:04:39] Speaker G: No, he wasn't that sort of joe. [00:04:41] Speaker E: Well, your answer's simple. Hire a new one. [00:04:43] Speaker G: They're hired through an agency I called the one we do business with and they're fresh out of Jack Frost. And I've got to get one candy. Otherwise I come down ten notches in the opinion of the Brad. [00:04:54] Speaker E: I don't want you to think I'm unsympathetic, Myra, but what can I do. [00:04:58] Speaker G: When you get around? You know people find me somebody, anybody who'll take over the job of being Jack Frost. [00:05:05] Speaker E: Well, okay. I'll do the best I can, Myra. [00:05:08] Speaker G: Candy, you're a dear. [00:05:10] Speaker E: Yeah, one of Santa's dears. Okay, I'll try and find you a Jack Frost, Myra, but don't hold it against me if he turns out to look more like Humpty Dumpty. I went home and looked up the webster definition of soft. It said soft, easily yielding to pressure. That was me. Candy Matson. Girl dope. Here I had all my Christmas shopping to do and I agreed to find a substitute Jack Frost. I had no idea where to start, so I changed into something red and green for a stop and go, also for Christmas, and went over to see my friendly advisor, Rembrandt Watson. Rembrandt is a photographer and excellent, too, now that he doesn't have the sherry shivers or the port palsies. He lives on California street. Just kitten rompers from old St. Mary's with a statue of Sunyet Sen for company in a park next door. [00:06:01] Speaker A: Candidal. How delightful. Do come in, won't you? [00:06:03] Speaker E: Thanks, Rembrandt. [00:06:05] Speaker A: Opette. You're equated with my friend Dargenes Murphy, aren't you? [00:06:08] Speaker E: Oh, yes. Hello again, Mr. Murphy. [00:06:10] Speaker A: Well, good afternoon, lad. You look prettier than he did the laptop. I saw you. [00:06:14] Speaker E: Uh oh. Here comes the blarney, young lady. [00:06:17] Speaker A: Diogenes Murphy. The honest Irishman. Never says a word he doesn't mean. Now, how do you think I managed to sell so many used cars at the place out on Vanis Avenue? [00:06:24] Speaker E: Because you're an honest boo boo. [00:06:26] Speaker A: You're so right, lad. Incidentally, if you need a good car, I can get you one at a very reasonable. Diogenes. Oh, sorry. I got carried away. [00:06:36] Speaker E: I didn't mean to barge in on you like this, Rembrandt. [00:06:38] Speaker A: Don't be ridiculous, dear. No, don't be. Think nothing of it, lad. I'm on my way. Now, Rembrandt and I were only discussing the situation of the world. [00:06:44] Speaker E: And to what conclusion did you come? [00:06:47] Speaker A: It stinks. The bottom of the afternoon to the both of you. [00:06:51] Speaker E: Oh, he's quite a boy. [00:06:52] Speaker A: Yes, I'm very fond of Diogenes. What brings you around this way, dear? [00:06:56] Speaker E: Jack Frost. [00:06:57] Speaker A: Yes. Now, getting on with our conversation. What brings you around this way, dear? [00:07:01] Speaker E: Jack Frost. [00:07:02] Speaker A: Maybe the needle's bad. Shall we try again? [00:07:04] Speaker E: I know how you feel. I reacted the same way myself. I'll give you the pocket sized edition. The brownstone department store is without a Santa Claus helper. Jack Frost. He didn't show up for work this morning. I said I'd find them a new one. [00:07:15] Speaker A: That's very sweet of you, Dove. [00:07:16] Speaker E: Very dumb of me, dove. I know of only one character who even remotely looks like Jack Frost. I met him up in Alaska when I was traveling with the USO. [00:07:24] Speaker A: Won't do you much good down here with it. [00:07:26] Speaker E: No, that's why I came to see you, Rembrandt. Don't you keep a cross file on models you've used in photography? [00:07:32] Speaker A: As a matter of fact, I do. Here, in this little book. Let's see. Men. Thin. Extremely. I have just one. Pietro Tarantello. Would you care for a Sicilian? [00:07:45] Speaker E: Jack Frost in Sicily? Yes, hey, what's that? [00:07:49] Speaker A: Where? [00:07:49] Speaker E: On that chair next to you. [00:07:51] Speaker A: That's the afternoon paper, dear. Diogenes left it, I imagine. [00:07:54] Speaker E: Yes, but on the front page. Here's the whole story about the missing Jack Frost. On the front page, what he got in his Christmas stocking? A slug through the head. [00:08:09] Speaker A: That's no way to treat Jack Frost. [00:08:11] Speaker E: And here's a picture of the guy without his false icicles. [00:08:14] Speaker A: What the ham? Looks like he stepped right out of an 1890 shakespearean play. [00:08:19] Speaker E: I hate to say this, Rembrandt, but he resembles you. I take back what I said, rembrandt. [00:08:26] Speaker A: Divorce yourself from that tone of voice, candy. I don't like it. [00:08:29] Speaker E: Rembrandt, I've got an idea. [00:08:30] Speaker A: You usually do. [00:08:31] Speaker E: You like little children. [00:08:32] Speaker A: Can't stand them. [00:08:32] Speaker E: You like to talk to people. [00:08:33] Speaker A: I have horses. [00:08:34] Speaker E: You like to be charming. [00:08:35] Speaker A: Lost me charm gay. Lost me gay. [00:08:38] Speaker E: With the help of a few icicles, Ducky, you're going to be Jack Floss. Rembrandt fought. He argued, he paced the floor. He had the vapors. He fainted. I brought him, too. I won the argument. I got my friend Myra Fisher on the phone and informed her that one r. Watson would assume the role of Jolly Jack Frost on the morrow. She was delighted. I couldn't say the same for Rembrandt. Then I went home. I was greeted by a sound very much like that of a phone ringing using my keen instinct. So I figured it was the phone. It was. Hello. Candy Madsen. [00:09:15] Speaker H: How do you do, Miss Matson? Allow me to introduce myself. [00:09:18] Speaker E: Allowed. [00:09:19] Speaker H: My name is Burke, Prentice Burke. I'm the first assistant vice president of the brownstone. [00:09:23] Speaker E: Brownstone? Yes. That's a store of some kind, isn't it? [00:09:27] Speaker H: Yes. Now, the reason for my call. There has been, shall I say, a rather unfortunate occurrence in our store today. [00:09:33] Speaker E: So I read. [00:09:34] Speaker H: I need the help of a professional sleuth. You were highly recommended by the head of our advertising, Miss Myra Fisher. [00:09:40] Speaker E: Uh huh. The thick platinum. [00:09:42] Speaker H: I beg your pardon? [00:09:42] Speaker E: Oh, no need to. You didn't do anything. Okay. Care to talk to me now, Mr. Burke? [00:09:47] Speaker H: I'd much rather have you come down to my office, Miss Batson, this matter is of an extremely confidential nature. [00:09:53] Speaker E: I'm your girl. Then figuratively speaking. How long will you be there? [00:09:57] Speaker H: As long as necessary. That's up to you. [00:09:59] Speaker E: Very well. I'll be there in half an hour if I can find a place to park. I only had time for a fast change, so I made it from andescray to taboo. I sniffed at it and felt I was on the right fence. Then I climbed in my car, drove down Carney street, waved a crisp single under the nose of a hotel doorman and had my car taken care of. Then into the brownstone and up to Mr. Prentice Burke's office. I flipped a hip past the girl's secretary and walked on in. Burke was waiting for me. That was obvious. I could tell by the expression on his face. It was worried. Look. Number twelve B. How do you do, Mr. Burke? I'm Candy Matson. [00:10:38] Speaker A: Oh, sit down, won't you? [00:10:40] Speaker E: Thank you. Now, our subject is what? A man named Jordan that's on another network. [00:10:47] Speaker A: I beg your pardon? [00:10:48] Speaker E: Oh, that's all right. Now, about this Jordan. [00:10:50] Speaker A: Yes. Ralph Jordan, to be exact. [00:10:53] Speaker E: Well, that's a relief. For a moment, I thought you wanted to talk about Jack Frost. [00:10:57] Speaker A: That's just it. He was Jack Frost. [00:10:59] Speaker E: Oh, me and my big mouth. [00:11:02] Speaker A: He was working here up until yesterday afternoon. Maybe you read about it. He was found shot. [00:11:06] Speaker E: Yes. Yes, I read about. [00:11:08] Speaker A: That's the reason I've called you. [00:11:10] Speaker E: Why didn't you have your own store detectives take over, Mr. Burke? [00:11:12] Speaker A: No, no, that would never do. I want no one in the store to know what's going. [00:11:18] Speaker E: Ah, intrigue, quite possibly. [00:11:21] Speaker A: I have reason to suspect that Jordan was killed by someone in our employee. I want to find out who that someone was before the police do and get it splashed all over the front pages. [00:11:30] Speaker E: Publicity, can't you say? [00:11:32] Speaker A: Business has been off for a whole year. And any bad breaks in the press would hurt us that much more. [00:11:37] Speaker E: Maybe you've got a point there. I don't know. [00:11:39] Speaker A: I know I have. [00:11:40] Speaker E: Okay, I'll take the job. You say you have a suspicion. What is it? [00:11:46] Speaker A: Well, nothing tangible. It's just a feeling I have. [00:11:49] Speaker E: Oh, that's a big help. Well, I'll mush around and see what I can pick up. I'll bill you tomorrow for my first day's work. It's much easier to sustain a friendship on a daily basis. I left Burke looking as though someone had just called his store a bizarre. It was closing time, so I hefted my way through the crush and retrieved my car from the doorman. The hall of justice is right on my way home. So I decided to drop in on my old pal Mallard. Inspector Ray Mallard of San Francisco homicide. A nice guy to serve coffee to on Sunday mornings, if you could ever lasso him. I never could get strong enough rope. [00:12:28] Speaker A: Candy. What brings you around here? [00:12:31] Speaker E: I hate to have my Christmas ruined so early. What about that jack Frost character. [00:12:36] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Poor guy got it. Good. [00:12:38] Speaker E: Where'd you find him? [00:12:39] Speaker A: In his apartment over on 17th. He lived near Seal Stadium. Why? Too interested, Candy? [00:12:44] Speaker E: Rembrandt's a dead ringer for the guy. [00:12:46] Speaker A: I still don't get that the gal. [00:12:47] Speaker E: Whose head of advertising for the brownstone was going out of her head for another Jack Frost. I talked Rembrandt into taking the job. Does sound funny, doesn't it? Bring me up to date, Mallory. Did you get any dope on the killing? [00:13:00] Speaker A: Nothing but a. 45 slug out of the guy's wall. Ballistics is checking it now. [00:13:04] Speaker E: Nothing else? [00:13:05] Speaker A: If I did, I should tell you. [00:13:07] Speaker E: No, I guess not. [00:13:09] Speaker A: This goes beyond just a normal curiosity, Candy. What are you drilling for? [00:13:13] Speaker E: It's only that I'm worried about rainbread. I got him the job. I'm responsible. I wouldn't want anything to happen to him. [00:13:19] Speaker A: Ask a silly question, Mallard, and you get a silly answer. Okay, let's forget it. How's about dinner tonight? [00:13:26] Speaker E: I've fought this thing long enough. Okay. [00:13:29] Speaker A: Candy? [00:13:31] Speaker E: Yes, Mallard? [00:13:32] Speaker A: We've known each other a good long time, haven't we? [00:13:36] Speaker E: That's right. Ever since the fair on Treasure island. [00:13:39] Speaker A: We'Ve had our little quarrels, little misunderstandings. [00:13:43] Speaker E: But they never seem to last long, though, do they? [00:13:46] Speaker A: No. That's why I feel I have every right to ask you a question. [00:13:51] Speaker E: Wait. Yes, I'd say you do, Mallard. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Maybe I'll ask you. [00:13:56] Speaker E: No, no, go ahead. Nas is good a time as any. [00:14:00] Speaker A: Perhaps it is. Can he? You get around a lot. You meet people. Do you know where I can get a couple of tickets to the Rose bowl game? [00:14:16] Speaker E: My brain lit up like a roman candle. I stormed for the door, turned back, stood there, my jaw waggling helplessly. Then I stuck my tongue out at Mallard and left. It was the only thing I could think of doing. Oh, he can make me so mad. But inside, half an hour after I got home, I started to laugh. Felt much better. Just as I was puttering around, getting ready, the apartment buzzer buzzed that Mallard much too early. But I was wrong. It wasn't Mallard. Well, Myra, what a surprise. Do come in, won't you? [00:14:52] Speaker G: No, thanks, Candy. A friend of mine's waiting in his car outside. He's driving me home. [00:14:56] Speaker E: Oh, I'm sorry you can't stay for a moment. [00:14:57] Speaker G: So, my dear, I just dropped by to leave this. Merely a little token of thanks for getting me off the hook. [00:15:04] Speaker E: Oh, Myra, there wasn't any need to do that. [00:15:07] Speaker G: Just a few pair of old stockings, dear. Getting me my new jack frost means more than you know. Here, please take them along with my. [00:15:15] Speaker E: Very deepest thanks so much. A girl can always use them. Are you all set with my friend Mr. Watson? Oh, yes. [00:15:22] Speaker G: He came in this afternoon and filled out his withholding tax and so on. Very nice. [00:15:25] Speaker E: I think you'll find him very efficient, Myra. Oh, what's the matter? [00:15:29] Speaker A: Pardon me. I didn't mean to frighten you. [00:15:31] Speaker E: Oh, Mallard. [00:15:32] Speaker G: Silly of me. I must have jumped afoot. [00:15:34] Speaker E: Oh, that's all right. He frightens me too. Myra, I'd like to have you meet Inspector Mallard. Inspector, Miss Fisher. [00:15:41] Speaker A: How do you do? [00:15:42] Speaker G: Oh, fine, thank you. Now that I've caught my breath. Do forgive me, Candy, but I must rush. See you soon, I hope. [00:15:48] Speaker E: Tomorrow, Myra. I'll be down to see how my lad's doing. As Jack Frost. Thanks for the stockings. [00:15:54] Speaker A: Well, aren't you going to invite me in? [00:15:56] Speaker E: No, I'm not. Here's my coat right here. What's our hurry? Come on, let's go. I'm starved. [00:15:59] Speaker A: I thought we could have a cocktail here before we left. [00:16:01] Speaker E: You thought wrong. Two tickets to the Rose bowl. From now on, you earn your cocktails. Mellard. We went downstairs and as I locked the front door, a car was just driving off. It was Myra, and she waved. And driving, if these tired old eyes hadn't deceived me was Mr. Prentice Burke, vice president of the brownstone. Well. Oh, well. Mallard and I climbed into our car and drove out to the cliffhouse. It was that kind of an evening. We had dinner and after I suggested we walk a bit. The night was crisp and clear and the evening star was hanging out above the dark waters of the Pacific like an iridescent japanese lantern. We cut across a little road above sutro baths where an old carburn had once stood and worked our way over the cliffs and stood high above land's end. It was exhilarating. [00:16:59] Speaker A: Penny for your thoughts, candy. [00:17:02] Speaker E: Inflation is still here. [00:17:03] Speaker A: All right, make it two pennies. [00:17:06] Speaker E: Well, I was just thinking, Mallard, dear when you see a star in the sky soft water below feel Christmas in the air, how can there be violence in the world? [00:17:16] Speaker A: An age old question, pal. One I can't answer. I'm too small. Hey, you're cold. I better put my arm around you. [00:17:25] Speaker E: Mallard. No, Mallard. The headlights from that automobile are shining right down on us. Mallard. [00:17:32] Speaker A: Jamie, what's wrong? [00:17:33] Speaker E: Got your flashlight with you? [00:17:34] Speaker A: Sure. Also my gun and my handcuffs. Anything else? We need a mortar, maybe the lights. [00:17:39] Speaker E: From that car they shown on something down there under that tree. [00:17:42] Speaker A: Oh, Candy, just for once, can't you stop digging up a mystery? Be human. [00:17:47] Speaker E: I am being human. Come on, Mallard. I want to see what's under that tree. We scrambled around through the brush, slipped into some sliding sand, and rode the crest down to the tree. It wasn't easy to get around some of those brambles, but get there. I fully intended doing because what I saw was red. Bright red. [00:18:14] Speaker A: You okay, Candy? [00:18:15] Speaker E: Nothing that a new pair of nylons won't fix. Shoot the flashlight over this way a bit. Now. That's it. Now do you think I'm dreaming things up? [00:18:26] Speaker A: What is it? [00:18:27] Speaker E: Wait. I. Hold it up. [00:18:29] Speaker A: Well, looks like some kind of a costume, right? [00:18:34] Speaker E: And look, if those aren't bloodstains. I'm a Labrador retriever. [00:18:39] Speaker A: No, you're Candy Matson. Those are bloodstains. [00:18:42] Speaker E: How was your boy dressed when you found him? [00:18:45] Speaker A: Torn, slack sweater, shoes, no socks. [00:18:48] Speaker E: This was most likely his costume meant. [00:18:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Don't move around too much, Candy. I want to have a good look at the ground. [00:18:54] Speaker H: Hey, what are you doing down there? [00:18:56] Speaker A: Who's that? [00:18:57] Speaker H: The police. Now, get up here and don't try any tricks. [00:19:00] Speaker A: That's all right, officer. This is Inspector Mallard, homicide. [00:19:03] Speaker H: Oh, sorry, inspector. That's all right. [00:19:06] Speaker A: Stay right where you are. We'll be right up. This is a break, Candy. I want you to drive me to a phone. I'll leave the officer here to guard the place. You can go home. I've got work to do here. Okay? [00:19:15] Speaker E: Yeah, sure. For once, we had dinner before you had a chance to break the date. This baby was hard to reconstruct. Was the guy knocked off out there at land's end, or was he bumped off at his apartment? The killer driving way out to the beach and hiding the costume? Only time would tell. I went home, climbed into bed and logged about 8 hours. Enough to give me fuel for the next day. In the morning, I went down to the brownstone. The shoppers were already swarming through the place. I spotted a floorwalker and strolled over to him. Pardon me, sir? I said, pardon me, sir. [00:20:00] Speaker A: I'm very busy, young lady. Make it as brief as possible. [00:20:03] Speaker E: You do work here, don't you? [00:20:05] Speaker A: Of course. [00:20:06] Speaker E: You are the floor walker assigned to this section? [00:20:08] Speaker A: That is correct. Come to the point, please. [00:20:12] Speaker E: I have a good mind to report you. [00:20:14] Speaker A: As you wish. As I said, I'm very busy. Now, what is it you wanted to know? [00:20:17] Speaker E: The words are like gall in my mouth now, but where do I find Jack Frost? [00:20:22] Speaker A: Right over there in the back, two aisles over. [00:20:24] Speaker E: Thank you. [00:20:24] Speaker A: Not at all. [00:20:25] Speaker E: Very much. All the high handed characters. People like that make me steam. I was getting up a full head of dander, but it simmered out before I had a chance to boil over, because as I rounded a corner, I saw Frosty boy, or Rembrandt, if you choose, up on his platform with the cutest little blonde kid sitting in his. [00:20:45] Speaker A: Well, well, look who we have here. Great big boy. Hello there, son. [00:20:50] Speaker E: Hi, Jack Frost. [00:20:51] Speaker A: What is your name? [00:20:53] Speaker E: Topper. [00:20:53] Speaker A: Topper. My, what a fine name. How old are you, Topper? [00:20:57] Speaker E: Five and a half. [00:20:58] Speaker A: Five and a half. Well, you must go to school, Topper. Which one? [00:21:02] Speaker E: Garfield. [00:21:03] Speaker A: Garfield? That's a good school. Now tell me, what would you like to have me tell Santa Claus to bring you for Christmas, Topper? [00:21:11] Speaker E: An electric train and a baseball bat. And I like to be in the seals for lefty O'Duel. [00:21:17] Speaker A: Well, I'll see what I can do to arrange that, Topper. I'll tell Santa Claus. Bye, now. [00:21:23] Speaker E: Goodbye and thank you, and Merry Christmas. I hope you can make the boy's wish come true. O'Duel could use him. [00:21:31] Speaker A: Gandhi, I'm so glad you're here, Dove. Look around into the back room for a moment. I've got to talk to you. [00:21:36] Speaker E: Aren't you working, frosty boy? [00:21:38] Speaker A: I got 10 minutes off every hour. I'll take the break now. Right around there, candy. [00:21:42] Speaker E: Okay. I'll see you in a moment. What's the matter, Rembrandt? Even under those icicles, you look warm under the collar. [00:21:54] Speaker A: Here, look at this. Every now and then, one of these moppets toddles up to me with a Christmas letter in its hand. A little red headed girl handed me this about half an hour ago. I've been shaking ever since. [00:22:04] Speaker E: Let me see. Dear Jack Frost, a word to the wise is sufficient. When you take your lunch hour, keep on going. Don't come back. Otherwise, you'll meet the same fate as your. Hmm. Just about what I expected. [00:22:20] Speaker A: Andy, you mean to say that you're deliberately using near the sacrificial lamb? [00:22:24] Speaker E: By no means, ducky. Go ahead. Take your lunch. Then do as the note says. Keep on going. As a matter of fact, why don't you take off now? I'll meet you at your place in about an hour. [00:22:32] Speaker A: That's the best news I've heard since Nelson's victory at Trafalgar. [00:22:43] Speaker E: I whipped upstairs, reported to Prentice Burke, got my first day's check, and on my way out. Told his secretary she'd better get Burke some smelling salt. Then I went back down on the floor again. Sure enough, there was my boy, the floor walker. I wanted to have a few more words with him. [00:23:02] Speaker A: Oh, you again. [00:23:03] Speaker E: If you don't mind, I was just up to see Miss Myra Fisher. She wasn't in. Have you seen her down here? [00:23:08] Speaker A: No. And what's more, I won't see her all day. She phoned saying she was feeling ill. Most inconsiderate, I must say. During the holiday rush. [00:23:14] Speaker E: Yes, I must say. Could you give me her address? She's a friend of mine. I've got to see her. [00:23:19] Speaker A: Her address? Yes. Write it down here on one of my cards for you. Myra Fisher. Two two seven F Union street. There. [00:23:30] Speaker E: Thank you. You're so kind. I had all the ammunition I wanted. A check signed by Burke and a card written by the flower walker. His name was Simon Liggett. With that, I ducked into a phone booth and called Mallard. [00:23:52] Speaker H: I'm aside. Mallard speaking. [00:23:53] Speaker E: Good boy. This is candy. What did you find out at lan's end last night? [00:23:57] Speaker H: A couple of very juicy footprints. They give us nothing. [00:24:00] Speaker E: Did you make any casts of them? [00:24:02] Speaker H: Why, sure. [00:24:03] Speaker E: Mind if I borrow a couple of them for a few hours, Mellard? [00:24:06] Speaker H: Well, I don't see how it'll hurt. Sure. [00:24:08] Speaker A: Okay. [00:24:08] Speaker E: Thanks. Mellard, dear. I'll be by in a moment. And I want to borrow you, too. I stopped by the hall of justice, got the cast of the footprints, shoved Mallard into the car and then picked up Rembrandt. The thing was only a hunch, but my hunches have paid off, so I never ignore them. First, we went out to an address on Fifth Avenue, near Clement. We got in the back door and went to work. Nothing made sense there, so we drove over to receipt. Away in the marina again we got in and did some sleuthing. This time we hit the jackpot. A pair of shoes in the closet matched the cast we had brought with us. Rembrandt, go out in the kitchen and see if this place has any ketchup. [00:24:53] Speaker A: I'm not hungry, Doug, but. Oh, look. What are you up to, Candy? We've got enough to swing a case here. [00:24:58] Speaker E: I'm working for a voluntary confession. Mallard. Tell me, what was the position that the Jack Frost was in when you found him? [00:25:05] Speaker A: Dead in a chair like that one. His head slumped down on his chest. [00:25:10] Speaker E: Good. [00:25:11] Speaker A: Here's the concept, though. When are you putting it on you? [00:25:14] Speaker E: What, without the bun or relish? Ducky, sit down there. Will you remember it? Now, just go limp and let your head hang down. That's it. Now for a little seasoning. [00:25:25] Speaker A: Look, Candy, you're smearing me with this sticky stuff. [00:25:29] Speaker E: All for the sake of art. Hold still. There. How does he look, Mallard? [00:25:35] Speaker A: Why all the candy? Looks like the same guy. The real thing. [00:25:39] Speaker E: Good. Now, rembrandt, you just sit like that. Don't move. Mallard, you duck into that closet over there, and I'll hide in here. We've got a good view of the front door from both places. [00:25:49] Speaker A: Okay, okay. There are times, Candy, when I admit I admire your genius. [00:25:54] Speaker E: Genius. Genius. Come on, let's hide. The golden shafts of sun splashing in through the window from the ocean slowly turned pink, then purple and into twilight. The minutes ticked on once. Bless you, but quiet, though, Rembrandt, you'll mess up your ketchup. 5 minutes. Ten. Then we heard muffled footsteps coming down the hall and a key inserted in the lock of the apartment door. [00:26:41] Speaker A: No. Oh, no. [00:26:44] Speaker E: It can't be. [00:26:45] Speaker A: The old fool I killed. [00:26:47] Speaker E: No. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Okay, buddy, that'll be about enough. Oh, no. [00:26:50] Speaker E: Get him, Mallard. He's ducking. [00:26:51] Speaker A: I'll get him. [00:26:56] Speaker E: Nice tackle, Mallard. [00:26:57] Speaker A: All right, Mac. Are you going to remain peaceful or do I have to give you a little tap? No, I'll be quiet. [00:27:03] Speaker E: You cut me. [00:27:04] Speaker A: I did it. I did it to both of them. I killed them. I killed them. I killed both of them. [00:27:11] Speaker E: Both of them. [00:27:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Look, behind a sofa. A girl. Jack Frost. [00:27:20] Speaker E: Wait a minute. Mallard. Mallard. [00:27:27] Speaker A: More trouble, candy? [00:27:29] Speaker E: Yes, it. An old friend of mine, the late Myra Fisher. The whole thing was jealousy. Not the jealousy of a man for a woman, but the jealousy of a man for a job. Simon Liggett had been with the brownstone for almost 20 years. He'd worked himself up from the stockboy to a place where he'd been promised the job of head of advertising and promotion. He almost got it, except at the last moment, Prentice Burke gave the position to Myra Fisher. That had only been two weeks before. He knew that Myra was on a probationary term. So he did everything he could to undermine her. Little things like changing ad copy, sending out false stories to newspapers. He figured that if he could keep the store without a Santa Claus helper he'd break Myra's back and get the job by the first of the year. He paid a visit to the first Jack Frost and tried to bribe him into quitting. But the guy would have none of it. There was a struggle. Liggett lost his head and whipped out a gun and shot him. He was still in his costume, so Liggett stripped him, put some old clothes on him, drove out to land's end and ditched his costume. Then he felt sure there would be no Jack Frost the next day. But that's when Myra met me and I talked Rembrandt into taking over. By this time, Liggett was in a frenzy and would stop at nothing. He trailed Myra and Burke to Myra's home, killed her, took her body over to his place and ditched it behind the sofa. The next morning he wrote a note to Rembrandt and gave it to one of the little girls waiting in line to see him. Fear and envy were taking their toll on the poor guy's mind. I wanted to compare the handwriting, so I had verke write me a check and Liggett write Meyer's address on a card. Also, we had the footprint cast between the two. Everything pointed toward Liggett. That's when I staged my little parlor charade with Rembrandt playing the part of a corpse. The sight with Rembrandt's resemblance to the dead Jack Frost would shatter anybody into a confession. But Christmas, in spite of everything, is a lovely time of year. And there is a Santa Claus. Three of them for me, as a matter of fact. Mr. Apprentice Burke, who sent me a very nice check for my efforts. Rembrandt Watson, who out of sheer love for the job went back to playing Jack Frost for all the kids at the brownstone. And last but not least, Inspector Ray Mallard. He gave me a Christmas sock right on my mouth, just where any well placed Christmas sock should go. [00:30:04] Speaker F: Listen again next week at this same time for excitement and adventure. [00:30:08] Speaker E: Just dial Candy Matson and a merry Christmas to you all. Yukon 28 20 19. [00:30:27] Speaker F: Heard tonight were Helen Cleeb as Myra Fisher, Lou Tobin as Prentice Burke and John Grover as Simon Liggett. Jack Thomas plays the role of Rembrandt Watson and Henry Leff is heard as Inspector Mallard. The program stars Natalie masters as Candy and is written and produced by Monty Masters. Sound effects were created by Bill Brownell and Jay Rendon. Eloise Rowan is heard at the organ. The characters in tonight's story are entirely fictitious with the exception of the part of Topper, which was played by himself. Any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental. The program came to you from San Francisco, Dudley Manlove speaking. [00:31:17] Speaker B: That was Jack Frost from Candy Matson, Yukon 28209 here on the mysterious old radio Listening Society podcast. Once again, I'm Eric. I'm Tim. [00:31:27] Speaker C: And I'm Joshua. [00:31:29] Speaker B: I chose that episode for our holiday pleasure. I listened to this to prepare for this podcast three times. Not because I was like, I want to make sure I got that right or because I loved it so much. I just listened to it again and listened to again. I enjoyed it so much. And again, I'm not even sure what the plot was, and I just don't care. It's the snappy repartee. It's the moving from scene to scene. It's the relationship stuff. There are moments in this I can't wait to discuss. And yeah, I get it. Some guy killed the Jack Frost guy at a department store and I get it. But who cares? The plot is secondary to everything else, which is really weird. [00:32:17] Speaker D: I will get to the plot later. But also we just kind of have to address this show is between the writing and the performance of the master's couple. Like so ahead of their time. Incredibly ahead of time. This is funny in a very contemporary way. [00:32:34] Speaker B: It's snappy. [00:32:35] Speaker C: It reminds me that snappy dialogue was very popular before this. I think there's a contemporary quality to the ratatat. It doesn't feel like an antiquated throwback to the 1930s. It feels really ease with itself in a way that feels contemporary, and it's self referential. And it just has this confidence and this perpetual smirk on its face. [00:33:03] Speaker D: They can jump from ratatat to absurd to farcical. It just can move on a dime. [00:33:10] Speaker B: To even back to solving the case and the mystery and a little bit of suspense. I mean, it does tether itself to it. [00:33:18] Speaker C: Yeah. I would say, in my opinion, this is one of the most grounded episodes of Candy Matson that I've heard plot wise. It doesn't veer off into too much weird or surreal. It has a pretty straightforward detective case anchoring all the wit and one liners. [00:33:38] Speaker B: Speaking of, I was going to start writing down and then I went, why bother? Joshua has made a list of his favorite one liners from the show. [00:33:46] Speaker C: I marked a couple. Let's hear them again. You kind of give up with candy Madsen. So many sounds like an insult, but it's actually a compliment because it is quantity over quality method, where it doesn't seem interested in having every single one be the greatest, but the cumulative effect of the sheer number of jokes. A smile never leaves your face while. [00:34:10] Speaker D: Listening to it, and it knows that one of these is going to be personal to you. Like, you are going to find one of these things blindingly hilarious. Even if not everyone does. [00:34:19] Speaker E: Right? [00:34:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:20] Speaker C: And, I mean, I just liked really simple speed by lines that aren't even really jokes. Like, I refrain from hurtling this ashtray at you, candy, only because of our long acquaintance, because that, to me, really speaks to how this script works, is that Monty is just not going to just write a line of dialogue. [00:34:41] Speaker B: Right. [00:34:42] Speaker C: Everything's going to have an image or some type of quippiness to it, whether it is a laugh line or not. No one has a straightforward line of dialogue. It's an entire script. [00:34:54] Speaker B: No, the innuendo of the line, of he'd be a great guy to wake up and make coffee for on a Sunday morning. [00:35:03] Speaker D: There is some innuendo. Like, that's filthy. [00:35:09] Speaker C: My favorite isn't a line, but it's the exchange. And I didn't write it all down. But when Candy is trying to talk Rembrandt into taking the job, the needle skipped. Yeah. Well, you like children. I hate children. Not the exact line, but it just has that rhythm. You like hanging out with people. I don't like to socialize. And he just instantly negates everything. You're charming. Lost my charm and gay. [00:35:37] Speaker A: Lost my gay. [00:35:40] Speaker B: I want to touch on something, and I'm sure lines will come into our head as we're having this discussion. But I find it fascinating for 1949, if I'm right, that the insinuation is that when she goes to Rembrandt's house that he's with his boyfriend. [00:35:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:58] Speaker C: I mean, I think it's very clear. [00:36:00] Speaker B: Okay. When you say San Francisco. Yeah. But when you say, yeah, very clearly. Let's talk about the fact this is 1949. [00:36:08] Speaker D: It's not explicit, but it's also not a vaguely hinted wink. [00:36:11] Speaker B: It's not a hint. It's not a wink, but it's not explicit. But I find that really fascinating for 1949, that they just went, yeah, that's how that is. And that Candy's character is okay. Not just okay with it. That's very normal. Like, her reaction is, there's nothing odd. [00:36:31] Speaker D: About my best friend. [00:36:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:32] Speaker B: And Howie says, you really adore him. Yes, I adore him. And all of that has nothing to do with the plot. That guy being there had nothing to do with the plot. So think about that. This doesn't narratively drive anything forward to have him there. It seems intentional to make a statement to me, discuss. [00:36:54] Speaker C: I just think the contemporary idea is make a statement. I think it was just artists reflecting the community they probably worked in. [00:37:02] Speaker B: Sure. [00:37:02] Speaker C: And like all the cleverness in here, knowing how to get around censors and things like that. [00:37:09] Speaker B: Still, do you find it brave to even put it in for the time period? [00:37:14] Speaker D: It's hard to know. [00:37:15] Speaker C: It depends on the context and the time period. I do think we suffer from a lot of chronological snobbery where we always presume everything everywhere at all times did not have our level of perceived enlightenment. Which is not to say that this would not be acceptable to have an explicitly gay character on the radio at this time. It would not be, but I think it was smart. I would describe it more than brave because they are smart enough to know how to do it. [00:37:45] Speaker I: And this wasn't entirely innovative in that pre code, early 1930s films were lousy. [00:37:53] Speaker C: With Rembrandt Watson esque coded characters and they are catering to have it be. And it's a regional, right? [00:38:01] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. [00:38:02] Speaker D: Thought of it for the audience they know they have. This is not going to step on any toes. [00:38:08] Speaker B: Did you. [00:38:08] Speaker D: But it might be that this is what keeps them from having a bigger audience. [00:38:11] Speaker B: Did either of you find it interesting? [00:38:13] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I think it's a very interesting, that whole scene. I mean, I think it's been present in every candy Madsen. [00:38:18] Speaker B: Not like that. [00:38:19] Speaker C: But what happens is he gets off the sauce and gets gayer. [00:38:23] Speaker B: Can we talk about that? So it was implied and I found it interesting. That was my next thing I wanted to discuss, that they had made the decision that this character was now no longer drinking. [00:38:34] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:38:34] Speaker D: Very quickly in the series, he was off the sauce. [00:38:37] Speaker B: Do we know why? I wonder if there was complaints or they felt like it was. [00:38:42] Speaker C: It might have been one of those things where like, okay, fine, you're going to complain about our drinking jokes. [00:38:47] Speaker B: Let's make him gay. [00:38:51] Speaker D: I do one voice. I can be drunk or gay. You make a call. [00:39:00] Speaker A: All right, gay. [00:39:02] Speaker C: It is odd that they make such a big deal out of it that he doesn't drink. Unless maybe it was a personal thing. Maybe Jack Thomas had a drinking problem and he finally decided to stop drinking and he asked them to write it out. It seems out of step with Candy Matson because of the tone of the rest of the show, to be concerned about advocating drinking, particularly in 1949. But who knows? It could have been a local sponsor who was like, hey, can you not have him drunk all the time? I mean, I really miss drunk Rembrandt. [00:39:33] Speaker B: Yeah, he was a different character. [00:39:34] Speaker C: Yeah, he really was. I mean, he's still really funny, but it's like, I liked family friendly 1990s Robin Williams, but I love cope, crazy 1970s Robin Williams. [00:39:46] Speaker B: Right. [00:39:46] Speaker C: Both funny, different energy to pivot back to the plot. [00:39:50] Speaker D: Because I agree with what's been said here. This really does function like the plot of most detective stories you'll hear of. Like, there is a crime and it is investigated. And Candy uses some clever ploy to figure out who did it. And like so many of these things, well done, well executed, like so many others. And the motivation is unbelievable. You didn't get a promotion, so you went on a killing spree. That's not a criticism of this story. That's a criticism of, like, most crime stories are about something small and dumb. But it makes for an interesting plot. [00:40:29] Speaker C: Yeah, but if you listen to enough episodes of Dateline in 48 hours, you realize, fair enough. Truly. What, murder each other over? Sometimes smaller, far more petty things like, I can't cover the mortgage this month. Better kill my wife. Why am I laughing? [00:40:47] Speaker A: Small, right? [00:40:49] Speaker C: That way she'll never know. They often make that little sense in real life, but we expect our artificial worlds to make more sense than the real world. We take more comfort from that. Yeah, and like I said, I've mentioned it before. I had that creative writing teacher who always know real life is no excuse. [00:41:09] Speaker D: For bad fiction, but there's that imaginary cop in my head talking to this guy. So you wanted to get her fired, and the best you could think of was to kill, like, two people? [00:41:24] Speaker C: At least Monty tried to cover that by saying things like. And by that time, he was just so out of his mind. [00:41:32] Speaker B: Right? [00:41:33] Speaker C: Why didn't he just start by killing her? He wanted her job. That would have been straight to the point, but I thought, oh, well, that would be too suspicious. [00:41:39] Speaker A: Yep. [00:41:40] Speaker C: And he didn't intend to kill the first Jack Frost. He just, according to Candy, lost his cool and happened to be carrying a loaded gun. [00:41:50] Speaker B: Right. To me, the fight scene in Elf, the movie, is how he killed Jack Frost with legos flying everywhere. [00:42:00] Speaker C: Oh, there's a sports joke that I thought I'd turn the tables and see if Eric can explain to me if there's something particularly funny about it that I don't understand. And that's when the little kid asks for an electric train and a baseball bat. And I'd like to be in the Seals for Lefty O'Duel. [00:42:18] Speaker B: The Seals. [00:42:19] Speaker C: The Seals I know was a baseball team. Is Lefty O'Duel somebody? [00:42:23] Speaker B: No. And I don't know what the Seals are either. I don't think that. What baseball team was the seals? [00:42:28] Speaker D: I don't know. [00:42:29] Speaker B: I'm asking you. I think it's all made up. That's why it went by a. Or it's a reference that is long forgotten. But the Seals is not a baseball team. [00:42:39] Speaker C: If I get a bunch of emails, I'll be wrong. I'm forwarding them to you. [00:42:43] Speaker B: The only thing I can think of is that there was a minor league or semi pro team in San Francisco called the Seals that they're referring to. Possibly that would be, but I don't know. None of that is popular. [00:42:57] Speaker C: I'm guessing it was somebody who was real at the time, because real at the time and now he's become imaginary. [00:43:04] Speaker B: Sounds like a local reference to me. [00:43:06] Speaker C: Because it's so full of local league. [00:43:08] Speaker B: Maybe lefty old duel. That kid, that second grader. That second grader. [00:43:13] Speaker C: I'm going to help you out and ask you an easier one. [00:43:16] Speaker B: Sure. [00:43:16] Speaker C: What's the Rose bowl game, Eric? [00:43:21] Speaker B: You serious? [00:43:22] Speaker C: Is that where they try to throw rose petals? I don't know. [00:43:26] Speaker B: No, Rose bowl is the original bowl game. The reason we have bowl games is because the stadium that was played, I. [00:43:34] Speaker C: Wanted the full cliff Clavin. [00:43:37] Speaker B: The reason they're called bowl games is the original Big ten Pac twelve championship game was played in the stadium in Pasadena, California. That was called the Rose bowl. It was called that because the shape of the stadium looked like a Rose Bowl, a bowl that you would put roses in. [00:43:54] Speaker D: What shape distinguishes this is a good bowl from Roses? [00:43:57] Speaker B: That's a whole other thing. I don't know. But the name of the stadium is the Rose bowl. So when they wanted more bowl games, like, oh, that's really popular, instead of calling them something else, they all became bowl games. So sugar bowl, peach bowl, whatever the bowl game is. So bowl, toilet bowl. So the word bowl in bowl games became synonymous with postseason after the season is over. Competitions, bowl games sponsored by different companies. So the Rose bowl is the name of the stadium, but also the name of the game. But the Rose bowl is no longer what it was. Look, this is. We do not have time for this. But the entire NCAA football, college football is so screwed up right now. All these traditions, all the things that used to be, how it worked is all gone. And it's because players now get paid. They can transfer teams. It's become professional. [00:44:54] Speaker D: Directly now? [00:44:56] Speaker B: Well, not directly directly. Oh. But they're allowed to accept money from anybody now. And so it's an easy workaround. And for example, University of Minnesota just announced, we can't get a kid to transfer here. It costs us at least a million dollars. We got to pay the kid somehow a million dollars to get here. That was just last week. People are very mad about it. [00:45:17] Speaker C: Just so you know, I tuned out 5 minutes ago. [00:45:19] Speaker B: Oh, I know. But you did ask me a question I can answer. [00:45:23] Speaker C: I did, and you did it very well. [00:45:25] Speaker B: It's so messed up. [00:45:27] Speaker D: I got two favorite lines to offer to the discussion here. One of them you already know I love because I put it on a coaster, is the thick plotins. Oh yes, I love that line. And then the mention of Jordan like he's on another. [00:45:44] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. But what was the line where the guy said, can I have a moment of your time or something? This is going to be really hard for me to pull out of your guy's head. There was a great line and I should have written it down. Yeah, you should have. [00:45:57] Speaker C: Shame on you. [00:45:58] Speaker B: Yeah, consider me bothered. I don't know what it was. It was something like, she had such. [00:46:02] Speaker C: A great quippy, candy Matt. [00:46:04] Speaker B: And like, yeah, it was great. You should listen to the episode. I did three times and I still can't remember it. Who are you guys? What am I doing here? What's this podcast about? [00:46:14] Speaker C: Tell us about the Rose bowl. [00:46:15] Speaker B: Okay, so the Rose bowl. Are we ready to vote? [00:46:21] Speaker C: Sure. [00:46:22] Speaker B: I vote that the NCAA college football should restructure. No, this is, to me, not only stands the test of time for me personally, this is classic. This is one of my favorite things I've ever listened to. And I have a new holiday tradition. I'm listening to this every year. This is a really fun thing. And boys, gentlemen, next year we should be doing this one on stage for the holiday season. [00:46:52] Speaker C: It'd be a lot of fun. [00:46:53] Speaker B: It'd be super fun. [00:46:54] Speaker C: Would people understand? I'm not even sure I understand that a Christmas sock in the mouth I'm hoping meant a kiss. [00:47:04] Speaker D: That was the thing. It's sort of like it's a little pun on like a little punch in the mouth and it's a kiss. Or did he actually gagger, right. [00:47:11] Speaker C: Actually put a sock in her mouth? [00:47:14] Speaker D: Did this get really dark and a little sexy? [00:47:20] Speaker C: But nobody drinks. [00:47:21] Speaker A: Okay? Right. [00:47:25] Speaker C: I always love Candy Matson. They're always entertaining. It's so sad that there are so few episodes that have survived the cruelty of time. To my taste, though, if I'm comparing Candy Madsen to Candy Madsen, it's a little too straightforward compared to some of the weirder ones. My taste runs more toward like the symphony of death and the cable car murder. Oh yeah, I love that one too. Or the weird one with the opera singer. The deep freeze. I like it a little more surreal and a little more breaking through the fourth wall, but that's minor stuff. So not a classic candy Matson for me, but Candy Matson itself is a classic. [00:48:11] Speaker D: I know we do a lot of preaching the gospel of Candy Matson that I feel a little bit bad about, of like we should maybe not be so freaky, weird, supportive, but it's just so good. It's uncanny and it's so much fun. And it continues to be fun in a very fresh and present way that is not just like, oh, this is what it was like back then. And wasn't that nice? If these shows were on tv right now, I wouldn't miss an episode. [00:48:40] Speaker C: And occasionally some gruesome moments, too. I forgot to mention that the image of the myra's body stuffed behind the. Yeah, they're not afraid to have a dark, somber moment in the midst of all this madcap zaniness. [00:48:55] Speaker B: The thing that saddens me about this discovery of Candy Matson and how much I love it is how badly I want just an hour with the actors and the writers of this show to ask so many questions. There's so much lost and forgotten. There isn't a lot of information about this show out there. I just wish they would have written a book. I just want to know so many things. [00:49:24] Speaker D: Wonder if this group just sort of thought like, oh, we're a little local thing. We're doing well locally, but we're never going to be that much of a big deal. [00:49:31] Speaker B: Time to call it a day that. [00:49:33] Speaker D: 80 years later we think this is the greatest thing ever. [00:49:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:36] Speaker B: So 80 years from now, they're going to be like, why didn't Tim, Joshua and Eric write a book? Because that ain't happening. No, I really like, oh, they wrote a book. Just little things, like, we could say. So why did you write him to stop drinking? I just want to know, man. All right, Tim, tell him stuff. [00:49:55] Speaker D: Go visit glutchlights.com, home of this podcast. You can find other episodes there, other episodes of Katie Madsen. You'll hear us talk about how much we love it again. You can also then vote in polls, leave comments. Let us know what you think about these episodes. You can link to our social media pages. You can go to our threadless store through a link and buy like a t shirt or something. Like a t shirt. [00:50:16] Speaker C: Something for your top half. [00:50:17] Speaker D: Yeah, short sleeve. But we'll keep you decent at the pool. And you can also link to our Patreon store to get more high quality material like this plug. [00:50:30] Speaker E: Yes. [00:50:30] Speaker C: Go to patreon.com themorals and once you become a patron, you can just fast forward through this crap in a smug manner, knowing yes, I don't have to listen to this anymore. I mean, there's nothing stopping people who don't give us money either. Now, I've given them that idea because they probably never thought to do that. [00:50:49] Speaker B: I wish that on the Internet when you fast forwarded it, it went like an old tape recorder. Someone should add that. [00:50:56] Speaker C: But yeah, you should go to patreon.com. The morals because we have great patrons there and we should take the moment occasionally to thank them profusely because they do make this possible. This podcast is a quantity of work. We seriously wouldn't do it for free. So thank you. [00:51:15] Speaker B: And if you'd like to see us performing live, the mysterious old radio listening society theater company does live performances on stage of classic old time radio drama and a lot of our own original work. You can find out where we're performing every month. We're performing somewhere, have been for seven, eight years as it stands now at the time of the recording of this podcast. Just go to ghoulishdelights.com and there you will find out where we're performing this month and what we're performing and a link to get tickets. If you can't get tickets, it's another perk to being a Patreon. We film them and we give the film footage to our struggle with it. Yeah, to our Patreon. [00:51:53] Speaker C: We post a video online, done for. [00:51:55] Speaker B: Our patreons, for our patrons. Thank you. Post a video of the shows for our patrons. I'm going to try to remember that in the future because I almost said Zabruder. For some reason. [00:52:06] Speaker C: Eric's brain is all over. Forward, back to the left. [00:52:15] Speaker B: What's coming up next? [00:52:16] Speaker D: Hey, I don't know if you guys know this, but they did a radio adaptation of Charles Dickens the Signal man. [00:52:22] Speaker B: No way. [00:52:23] Speaker D: More than one. And so for the next time, I was thinking we'd listen to our 7th installment in our ongoing series of annually listening to an adaptation of the signal man. [00:52:34] Speaker A: Until then, now tell me, what would you like to have me tell Santa Claus to bring you for Christmas, Topper? [00:52:41] Speaker E: An electric train and a baseball bat. And I like to be in the Seals for Lefty O'Duel. [00:52:47] Speaker I: We interrupt this podcast postcredits sequence for a breaking news report from the Encyclopedia Britannica. American professional baseball player Lefty O'Duel was a left handed power hitter who played eleven seasons in the major leagues and who amassed a stellar lifetime batting average of 00:34 nine, whatever that means. After finishing his playing career, he became a noted minor league manager, including a 16 year stint as the manager of the San Francisco Seals. O'Duel also organized and led numerous exhibition tours to Japan that were credited with helping to establish the sport of baseball in that country. And now that I've saved us from a flurry of emails explaining who lefty O'Duel was, we return to our regularly scheduled podcast post credit sequence. [00:53:51] Speaker A: Well, I'll see what I can do to arrange that, topper. I'll tell Santa Claus. Bye now. [00:53:57] Speaker E: Goodbye and thank you and Merry Christmas.