Episode 282: Come as You Are

[00:00:16] Speaker A: The mysterious old radio listening society podcast. Welcome to the Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society, a podcast dedicated to suspense, crime and horror stories from the golden age of radio. I'm Eric. [00:00:36] Speaker B: I'm Tim. [00:00:36] Speaker C: And I'm Joshua. [00:00:37] Speaker B: We love mysterious old time radio stories, but do they stand the test of time? That's what we're here to find out. [00:00:42] Speaker A: Today we return to the Listener Library for a recommendation from a mysterious listener who truly wants to remain mysterious. The name on their email is simply. [00:00:52] Speaker C: S. S urged us to listen to Come as you are from the Price of Fear, calling it amongst the strongest of the series. We'll some of their reasoning for this later in the podcast. [00:01:05] Speaker B: The first season of the Price of Fear aired in September of 1973 on the BBC World Service. The production's popularity warranted a second run of shows in 1974 and a third that aired in 1983. Of course, what made the Price of Fear so special was the show star, Vincent Price. [00:01:21] Speaker A: By the early 70s, Price was a well established horror icon thanks to a series of filmed adaptations of Edgar Allan Poe's stories directed by Roger Corman. Long before that, though, he had a full career on the radio, including appearances on suspense and escape, most notably the classic radio play Three Skeleton Key. He also lent his debonair voice to the title character on the crime drama the saint. From 1947 to 1951, in the price of Fear, Price played a fictionalized version of himself, a globetrotting gourmet and devotee of the arts who just happens to continually find himself in macabre situations. [00:02:00] Speaker C: Come as yous Are was written for Price of Fear by William Ingram. An actor as well as a writer, Ingram appeared on stage, television and film before writing his first play, the Rain It Raineth, produced at the Hampstead Theatre Club in London in 1959. Although he continued to work in theater and television, it was radio that gave him the greatest opportunity. Over the course of his career, he wrote and performed in over 100 radio productions, including half of the scripts for the Price of Fear. [00:02:31] Speaker B: And now let's listen to Come as you Are from the Price of Fear, first broadcast on the BBC World Service, June 4, 1974. [00:02:39] Speaker A: It's late at night and a chill has set in. You're alone and the only light you see is coming from an antique radio. Listen to the sounds coming from the speaker, listen to the music and listen to the voices. [00:03:09] Speaker D: The Price of Fear brought to you by Vincent Price. [00:03:24] Speaker E: My little story for this week I want to call Come as you are. You know that meaningless Concession that gets added onto invitations to a party. You see, it's because the endless business of dressing up is such an integral part of my professional life that among my friends, my very positive reluctance to attend any kind of fancy dress party or costume ball is not only well established, but understandingly accepted. On a recent trip to London, I was genuinely delighted to find an invitation from my old friend Charles Vane awaiting my arrival. It wasn't until I'd reached that quay and to me ominous phrase fancy dress will be worn that my heart sank the fact that my would be host had crossed it through and substituted the words come as you are afforded little by way of consolation. There can be few experiences so desultory as to find oneself sober suited in the midst of a determined company of let's pretend Casanovas, paunchy Tarzans and moth eaten King Kongs. As I put Charles's invitation back in its envelope, I'd already instinctively decided to decline. But even as I mailed my politely phrased refusal to his kind invitation, I had the distinct feeling that I was not to be let off the hook so lightly. The 2am phone call confirmed my misgivings. [00:05:12] Speaker B: Hello? [00:05:13] Speaker D: Vincent? It's damn well not good enough, do you hear? [00:05:16] Speaker E: What? Oh, I'm sorry. Who is that? [00:05:19] Speaker D: It's not only not good enough, I'm damn well not gonna take no for an answer. [00:05:23] Speaker E: Charles? Oh, Charles, is that you? [00:05:26] Speaker D: Surprise, surprise. Of course it's Charles. If Mahomet won't go to the mountain, the mountain needs must. Anyway, who the hell else did you expect it to be? [00:05:34] Speaker E: Well, believe it or not, old thing, there are alternatives. Parents, relatives, friends, acquaintances. Oh, you'd be surprised. [00:05:42] Speaker D: Oh, would I? Well, I. I just hope you're not in the habit of treating them in the same shoddy fashion, that's all. [00:05:47] Speaker E: Charles. Delighted I am to hear from you. You know it is the middle of the night. [00:05:52] Speaker D: Wrong again, Vincent. The early hours of the morning. But what's that got to do with anything? [00:05:56] Speaker E: Nothing, nothing at all. Except that we mere mortals do rather count on a certain quota of sleep. [00:06:04] Speaker D: Mere mortals bore me. [00:06:06] Speaker E: Oh yes, it slipped my mind. Please forgive the lapse. [00:06:10] Speaker D: I'm forgiving you damn all. Are you still there? [00:06:13] Speaker E: Still here. [00:06:15] Speaker D: It's on account of that damn stupid fancy dress bit, isn't it? So why do you think I changed it to come as you are in the first place? [00:06:21] Speaker E: Out of the question. The intimacies of my sleeping attire must remain a closely guarded secret. [00:06:28] Speaker D: Don't be skittish. Anyway, all I hope is you have sufficient sense to keep the damn thing. [00:06:33] Speaker E: The damn what? The invitation. [00:06:35] Speaker D: Yes, of course. The invitation is what you're keeping me from my beauty sleep about. [00:06:38] Speaker E: I'm keeping you? [00:06:39] Speaker D: Yes. Well, on the back you'll find a simple set of directions for getting here. A child of five could manage it. I marked the priory with a DY cross in the top right hand corner. [00:06:48] Speaker E: The priory? [00:06:49] Speaker D: The house. My house. You will love it. [00:06:52] Speaker E: Oh yes, I'm sure I would, Charles. But as a matter of fact I have another appointment. A scriptwriter friend of mine with all scribblers. [00:06:59] Speaker D: I shall expect you at 8. [00:07:00] Speaker E: But Charles, I honestly don't see how I. [00:07:02] Speaker D: You let me get some sleep, damn you. [00:07:07] Speaker E: Charles, Are you there? Charles? Charles? Oh, lass. Put to the test, Charles, simple set of directions might well have been comprehensible to a five year old child. But not having one of them with me in the passenger seat, I spent hours exploring the same piece of countryside in ever decreasing circles. I was just on the point of returning to London when I spotted the entrance to his drive. And within minutes I was standing in the hall of one of the most remarkably beautiful houses it has ever been my pleasure to enter. The party was obviously in full swing. [00:07:59] Speaker D: Ah, there you are. Let the festivities commence. Vincent. You're late. Dammit. [00:08:05] Speaker E: Oh, Charles, how good to see you. [00:08:07] Speaker D: I've been ringing that ridiculous hotel of you to the best part of the evening. [00:08:10] Speaker E: What? [00:08:10] Speaker D: Thought you'd gone and funked out at the last minute. [00:08:12] Speaker E: Oh, I am sorry about that. Your directions weren't as explicit as you cracked them up to be. As a matter of fact, as a cartographer, your talents seem to be singularly lacking. [00:08:23] Speaker D: Nonsense. You. Columbus had had me aboard you to find the New World one hell of a lot sooner than he did. Anyway, seeing as how you finally made it. Come along into the library. All right. [00:08:34] Speaker F: Ah. [00:08:36] Speaker D: We'Ll fortify ourselves with a brandy or three before I introduce you to the somewhat dubious delights of the snake pit. [00:08:42] Speaker E: All right. [00:08:46] Speaker D: There you go then. [00:08:47] Speaker E: Bye. Oh, I am sorry. Thank you. [00:08:50] Speaker D: Hey, you're miles away. [00:08:52] Speaker E: Yes, I'm just taking it all in. [00:08:55] Speaker D: Impressive, isn't it? [00:08:56] Speaker E: Beautiful, Charles. [00:08:57] Speaker D: Cost me a pretty packet, I can tell you. [00:08:59] Speaker E: Really beautiful. [00:09:02] Speaker D: Point taken. You're quite right, of course. The heathen financier in me. Always been under the impression they amounted to much the same thing. Anyway, here's to it. [00:09:11] Speaker E: And to your health. And to your house. Tell me about it. [00:09:15] Speaker D: The priory. Well, don't expect me to go into the full historic bit. But for all that mentioned in the Doomsday. One of the gems of early English monastic architecture. You know the kind of thing. [00:09:25] Speaker E: Well, I'm more than prepared to believe it. [00:09:27] Speaker D: The domestic conversions came later, but it's still pretty exceptional. Anyway, I first fell in love with the place about five years back when I was a guest here at a party. Oh, a rather bizarre junkyard given by the wife of the then owner. [00:09:39] Speaker E: Oh, I see. [00:09:40] Speaker D: Well, I think she realized I rather coveted the place from the word go. And last season we met up again in the south of France. She told me her lifestyle had changed somewhat since our last meeting. And judging by the bevy of young Apollo she had in tow, I was more than prepared to believe it. Well, I eventually got round to the house and she said that providing the figure was right, the place was mine for the ask. [00:10:02] Speaker E: It obviously was. [00:10:03] Speaker D: Then let's just say the contract was concluded to the mutual satisfaction of both parties. Shall we? [00:10:09] Speaker E: You're the same old child. [00:10:11] Speaker D: So, here we are nine months later. And it's housewarming night on the old corral. [00:10:17] Speaker E: Thank you. Are you thinking of settling here? [00:10:22] Speaker D: Nothing. Sure. You look skeptical. [00:10:25] Speaker E: Oh, yes, I'm sorry. [00:10:27] Speaker D: My eyes. [00:10:28] Speaker E: Well, you do have something of a reputation to live down, you know. [00:10:32] Speaker D: Well, you must give me five marks for effort at the very least. I've already got so far as settling into the place. Even acquired a genuine English butler and a stable of splendid hunters. Every reason to be proud of my new country gentleman image, don't you think? [00:10:46] Speaker E: Well, all you need now is a genuine English rose to complete the picture, hmm? [00:10:52] Speaker D: I'm working on it. [00:10:54] Speaker E: You being serious? [00:10:55] Speaker D: I am. The question is, is she? [00:10:57] Speaker E: Oh, am I to meet her tonight? [00:10:59] Speaker D: Oh, my dear fellow, here tonight? Her blue blooded parents would have 40 blue blooded fits. [00:11:05] Speaker E: Oh, then this is something of a last fling. [00:11:09] Speaker D: Let's just settle for the last but one, shall we? [00:11:11] Speaker E: All right, if you prefer. [00:11:13] Speaker D: I most certainly do. Right. Let's be having you then. My lords, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the snake pit. [00:11:25] Speaker E: My original misgivings about accepting Charles invitation proved well justified. Along with the disguises I'd anticipated. In a matter of minutes I'd been introduced to a somewhat bibulous archbishop, an emaciated Theda Barra on the decline, and the oldest bunny girl in the business. Charles's come as you are concession proved a somewhat dubious advantage. My conventional business suit seemed to generate the same degree of cool hostility as if I had elected to wear it at a convention of nudists. It was with a very positive feeling of relief that I eventually escaped the throng and sought out some corner strategically removed from the general merrymaking. The minstrel's gallery seemed perfect. Suitably fortified with a private bottle of Charles. Excellent. Dom Clico. I climbed to my remote perch as eagerly as any canary in its gilded cage. A positive refuge where I could ponder the idiot antics of my fellow man and consider myself well out of it. [00:12:39] Speaker F: And so you are, old fellow. So you are well out of it. [00:12:43] Speaker E: In the gloom of the gallery, I had almost stumbled over the man. I managed a rather startled apology. But even when my eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness, the details of his physical appearance remained extremely vague. The quality of his voice, the spare angular outline of the silhouette he presented, suggested someone of middle age. But then he could just as well have been a great deal older. Only for the briefest of instants was I positively aware of his pale, watery eyes, opaque behind the glint of his old fashioned pince. Nez. [00:13:28] Speaker F: I hope I didn't startle you. [00:13:29] Speaker E: Well, somewhat. I must confess I. I didn't realize I was intruding. [00:13:35] Speaker F: A temporary refuge from the madding crowd, eh? [00:13:38] Speaker E: Yes, I know it must seem ungracious. [00:13:41] Speaker F: Oh, to some it might. For my own part, well, given the option, I'd have been abed and asleep hours ago. Won't you take a seat? [00:13:50] Speaker E: Oh, thank you so much. Allow me to introduce you. [00:13:53] Speaker F: On these occasions, formal introductions always strike me as superfluous. On top of which, I can't offer my hand. Oh, a somewhat unfortunate accident. [00:14:04] Speaker E: Oh, I'm. I'm sorry to hear that. If I were to fetch another glass. [00:14:09] Speaker F: Doesn't agree with me, but why don't you. [00:14:12] Speaker E: Oh, thank you. [00:14:16] Speaker F: I'm glad to observe that one of us at least had the courage to refuse being bullied into dressing the part. [00:14:23] Speaker E: Fancy dress. As in some ways it might have been easier to oblige the proverbial sore. [00:14:30] Speaker F: Thammy. In my own case, well, there was little option. Oh, my wife, you know, she positively revels in this kind of revel that possibly you've already observed her Titania in all her glory. [00:14:45] Speaker E: Yes, yes, yes, as a matter of fact, I have. [00:14:49] Speaker F: It would be difficult not to. [00:14:51] Speaker E: Extremely effective. [00:14:54] Speaker F: Ridiculously pathetic. Well, I can think of few sights so ludicrously tragic as a middle aged siren aping the appearance and manners of a young girl half her age. Do I embarrass you? Well, I. Oh, you must forgive me, but her penchant for youth is so notorious I now feel little reluctance to talk about it. Her companion this evening, for instance. [00:15:15] Speaker E: Oh, you Mean the young man in the costume? [00:15:17] Speaker F: You have him? [00:15:18] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:15:18] Speaker F: Though the appurtenances of a gigolo might have been more appropriate. Oh, her darling boy of the moment. Luigi Del Potrello. The name means nothing to you? [00:15:31] Speaker E: Del Potrello. Oh, yes, it does sound familiar. [00:15:34] Speaker F: In most circles it has a certain notoriety. The Petrellos are Italian merchants. [00:15:40] Speaker E: Oh, yes. [00:15:40] Speaker F: Extremely wealthy, hideously flamboyant. And totally without any distinction, taste or breeding. Right from the outset, my home seemed in a perpetual state of siege. Billets by every post, secret assignations, ridiculously extravagant floral arrangements. And then the ultimate indignity of having the scoundrel pay court under my very roof. To be made constantly aware of their asinine sniggerings, their barely concealed whisperings, their grotesque fondlings. The middle aged lovebird and her twittering young chick. But it wasn't until he started implanting his obscene influence on the house itself. That my anger and frustration reached full spate. [00:16:39] Speaker E: Ah, how obscene. [00:16:41] Speaker F: Yes, yes. Obscene. Isn't it extraordinary how something as seemingly insignificant as a mirror. Can underline the absolute pathos of one situation? Underline it with far greater emphasis than any of the indignities and infidelities that have gone before. [00:16:58] Speaker E: Well, I'm. I'm not sure that I understand. You did say a mirror? [00:17:02] Speaker F: Yes. One of his many gifts to her. A hideously ornate creation in the fashionable Florentine manner. You know the kind of thing. All gilt cupids, intricately entwined. Vine leaves. [00:17:14] Speaker E: I'm afraid I do. [00:17:15] Speaker F: Exactly, my dear fellow. Needless to say, quite out of keeping with the sober antiquity of my own furnishings. But a token of regard from her own darling boy, don't you see? And as such, to be blatantly hung in a place of honor. It seemed suddenly as if he were trying to destroy the very fabric of our lives. [00:17:40] Speaker E: Would it be impertinent of me to inquire what happened? Yes. [00:17:45] Speaker F: No. But why not? It's probably common knowledge. The inevitable scene is the phrase that most readily springs to mind. But somehow more significant than anything that had gone before. [00:17:59] Speaker G: Oh, you're exaggerating as usual. [00:18:02] Speaker F: I honestly don't think you realize the. [00:18:04] Speaker G: Gravity of the situation. Oh, come on, darling, say it. You can always be relied upon to trot out the obvious on these tedious occasions, can't you, my pet? [00:18:16] Speaker F: The occasion, as you choose to call it, might be a good deal graver than you think. [00:18:23] Speaker G: Oh, now you're beginning to sound much more like the old dodderer you really are. Well, come on, darling. Don't stop now. It's the well known visit to the headmaster you had in mind, isn't it? If so, you are achieving it to perfection. The darling boy really has excelled himself this time, hasn't he? Such an appropriate gift. A direct invitation to see yourself as you really are. [00:18:51] Speaker F: So why the hell don't you tell your darling boy he can take his bloody mirror right back where it came from? [00:18:58] Speaker G: We'll have to see see, won't we, my pet? [00:19:02] Speaker E: And was the mirror taken back? [00:19:05] Speaker F: I presumed it must have been. I certainly don't recall seeing the damn thing again. But then, quite suddenly I. That's to say, we both had more important things on our minds. [00:19:19] Speaker E: Oh? [00:19:20] Speaker F: I'd spent the day at the British Museum doing some research. I got home to find my wife had been taken seriously ill. In effect a minor heart attack. I could only conclude it was a direct result of trying to keep up with her dissolute gadfly. The doctor advised that complete rest was absolutely essential. He also emphasized that there must be no undue excitement or shock. Yes, he particularly stressed the last bit. Or shock. Even as he said it, it sounded strangely significant. [00:19:55] Speaker E: Why significant? [00:19:57] Speaker F: Well, as it turned out, I. I had stayed up reading very late one night. I must have dozed off because I was suddenly startled awake by a noise. It came from the head of the stairs. [00:20:13] Speaker E: What kind of a noise? [00:20:14] Speaker F: Difficult to describe, but a sort of bump, I suppose. A slight trip, perhaps. The servants had retired hours before. There was only my wife. At least I believed that to be the case. Until. Until I heard their voices coming from my wife's bedroom. I recognized Luigi's laughter immediately. Then after a while, there was only silence. I think that silence was the most difficult thing to bear of all. For the first time, I admitted to myself that I had lost my wife to Luigi forever. [00:20:57] Speaker E: And your reaction? [00:21:00] Speaker F: How can one describe resignation? Love, jealousy, hate, all at the same time? I wanted her dead. I needed her dead, but had no notion how I could achieve it. I'm not a courageous man. Not even an artful man. I returned to the study and there I saw something that seemed to suggest the perfect solution. [00:21:29] Speaker E: Yes, go on. [00:21:30] Speaker F: Shortly before her illness, I'd drawn my wife's attention to a book dealing with the medieval history of the house. Yes. Needless to say, she discarded it halfway through. But there was one particular section that not only claimed her interest, but held it in a state of shocked disbelief I'd never witnessed before. It concerned a ghost. [00:21:55] Speaker E: A ghost? [00:21:56] Speaker F: Most historic homes seem to lay claim to One knowing my wife's somewhat nervous disposition, I'd previously kept ours something of a closely guarded secret. But now. No undue excitement or shock was what the doctor had said there and then, I determined my ghostly inhabitant should serve his turn. [00:22:20] Speaker E: What kind of a ghost? [00:22:22] Speaker F: The ghost of a Franciscan friar. The costume wasn't too difficult to improvise. A burnous one of those Arab night dress affairs, complete with hood, served my purpose to perfection. I put it on, lit a candle, left my study, I crossed the hall. The stairs creaked as I began to climb. I didn't mind. It only added to the theatricality of the scene I was about to enact. I could already imagine slowly opening the door of my wife's bedroom, hear her call out, who's there? See the expression on her face as she watched in terror the specter of the Franciscan friar loom towards her. Perhaps one brief terrified scream. And then had just reached the top of the stairs, was about to cross the landing when I saw it. The actual spectre there confronting me. The face shrouded in its hood, the candle flickering in its hand. The eyes deeply socketed, stared accusingly into mine. For a long moment there was only disbelief at what I saw and then panic. I tried to move but couldn't. I tried to scream out, but no voice came. Then, with a new found volition of its own, my arm lashed out with the heavy brass candlestick I was holding. Lashed out at the ghastliness of that grizzled face. [00:24:26] Speaker D: God help me. In the name of Christ, somebody help me. For God's sake, man. [00:24:34] Speaker E: Oh my God. Charles. Charles. [00:24:36] Speaker D: What the devil do you mean by slinking off like that? [00:24:39] Speaker A: I'm. [00:24:39] Speaker E: I'm sorry. Well, I turned towards my distraught storyteller, but he was gone. Probably realizing he was in imminent danger of being forced back into the swinging multitude below. [00:24:55] Speaker D: Oh, come along, man. Don't just hang around in the gloom. There's somebody special I want you to meet. [00:25:01] Speaker E: From the far end of the library, Titania herself confronted me. She sat there enthroned in one of Charles's splendid high backed chairs. [00:25:12] Speaker G: Captain of our fairy band, mortals, darling. [00:25:18] Speaker E: Close at hand as she misquoted from the bard, Titania made very short work of a very large brandy. In view of my so recent conversation with her husband, I. I must have looked somewhat taken aback. She was not slow to notice the fact. [00:25:37] Speaker G: Something worrying you, darling. Well, Charles. Charles, Be a dear. Titania's running low on nectar. Well, darling, you were saying? [00:25:52] Speaker E: I do apologize. It's pure coincidence of Course. But I've had the pleasure of making your husband's acquaintance. [00:25:59] Speaker G: My husband? [00:26:01] Speaker E: Yes. [00:26:02] Speaker G: You did say my husband? [00:26:03] Speaker E: Yes. [00:26:04] Speaker G: Oh, damn you, Charles. You haven't gone and told every Tom, Dick and Harry my little secret, you know. I particularly asked you to keep it strictly entre nous. Luigi would be furious. [00:26:17] Speaker E: Luigi? But that isn't your husband. [00:26:20] Speaker G: Oh, what a damn fool I am. Now I've gone and let the cat out of the bag. You must have been referring to that dreadful old dodderer I was imbecile enough to spend the best years of my life with. [00:26:35] Speaker D: No, darling, we mustn't speak ill of the dead. [00:26:38] Speaker E: The dead? [00:26:39] Speaker G: Thank God. The best part of two years, isn't it, Charles? Even at the very end, the old dodderer proved as parsimonious and mean minded as he'd been all along. Still, he paid for it. One of the few comforting things in life is that one can always depend on getting exactly what one deserves or. [00:27:03] Speaker D: Deserving exactly what one gets. [00:27:05] Speaker G: Oh, Charles, darling, you are being cynical. Anyway, I must away. Luigi's gone missing, don't you know? It isn't that I don't trust the darling boy, darling, it's simply that I don't. Goodbye, mister. Goodbye, Charles. Darling. It's been bliss that Titania darlings must away to live and fight another day. [00:27:47] Speaker D: What the hell was all that about, Charles? [00:27:51] Speaker E: Tell me about him. Her late husband. [00:27:54] Speaker D: Edward. [00:27:55] Speaker E: Was that his name? [00:27:56] Speaker D: Well, I only met the old stick once. And then very briefly on my first visit to the place. [00:28:01] Speaker E: This place? [00:28:02] Speaker D: Well, of course, this was his house. He died here. [00:28:06] Speaker E: Where? Where exactly did he die? [00:28:10] Speaker D: You know, you look really picky. [00:28:12] Speaker E: Answer the question, for God's sake. Please, Charles. [00:28:17] Speaker D: Well, as a matter of fact, at the head of the stairs. [00:28:20] Speaker E: The stairs leading to the minstrel's gallery? [00:28:23] Speaker D: Yes. [00:28:23] Speaker E: And the circumstances? [00:28:25] Speaker D: Oh, bit unusual, really. It was Helen who found him. Apparently the old fool was on his way to bed or got up in this ridiculous dressing gown thing of his when he spots this mirror. [00:28:35] Speaker E: The mirror at the head of the stairs. It was Luigi's mirror, wasn't it? [00:28:41] Speaker D: Oh, has darling boy been telling you all about that, wasn't it? Yes. Gift to Helen. The old boy raised such a stink about it, she locked it away at the back of a cupboard. Anyway, one night, after a somewhat torrid meeting with her darling boy, Luigi raises cane and insists on hanging it out. [00:28:58] Speaker E: In the open directly at the top of the stairs, so that anyone coming up them would be bound to see his own reflection, wouldn't he? [00:29:08] Speaker D: Which is exactly what happened. Edward spots it, loses his temper and smashes the thing to smithereens. It was that that caused the heart attack, of course. Not to mention his hand. [00:29:19] Speaker E: What about his hand? [00:29:21] Speaker D: Severed. Quite severed. Extraordinary the violence that can be generated through a fit of jealousy. Isn't it? I wish you'd have another brandy. [00:29:31] Speaker E: Will you tell me what he looked like, Charles? [00:29:35] Speaker D: Oh, it would do even better. [00:29:39] Speaker E: Charles handed me a snapshot. It was faded, but I spotted him immediately. One face among many. But I'd have recognized it anywhere. Not because of any particular feature, but because they're staring out at me were the same pale, watery eyes, opaque behind the glint of his old fashioned pince. Nez. I handed the photograph back. [00:30:06] Speaker D: Thanks. That. Might as well get rid of it. [00:30:09] Speaker E: Oh. [00:30:11] Speaker D: Not much point dwelling on the dead, is there? [00:30:15] Speaker E: No, not much. Charles invited me to stay the night. I automatically refused. Some weeks later, he suggested we meet up again before he left on a business trip to the continent. The Priory was again suggested as a rendezvous. But in view of what had gone before, at the very last minute, I switched it to my hotel dining room instead. The decor hideously modern, the food bad, the waiters rude, the place positively bulging with people. I wouldn't have had it any other way. [00:31:13] Speaker D: That was Vincent Price bringing you the Price of Fear. Co starring in Come as you Are was Morris Perry with Betty Huntley Wright and Peter Williams. Come as you Are was first recounted and dramatized by Bill Ingram and produced by John Dias. [00:31:35] Speaker A: That was Come as yous Are from the Price of Fear, here in the mysterious old Radio Listening Society podcast. Once again. I'm Eric. [00:31:42] Speaker B: I'm Tim. [00:31:43] Speaker C: And I'm Joshua. [00:31:44] Speaker A: And that was a recommendation from a listener who simply goes by S. That was the signature on the email. And as Joshua alluded to, he brought this to our attention and made some great points as to why he likes this episode. I think we should start there because I'm gonna need to gather some information from everybody before I start spouting things. I would like to hear from S and you guys and then we'll see where I stand at that point. [00:32:22] Speaker C: I love how you always make it sound mysterious. And every time you say that, it means you hated it. But you wanted. [00:32:28] Speaker A: Because I wanna make sure I'm not wrong. Cause sometimes I am wrong. And at the end of these, I'll. [00:32:34] Speaker C: Go, art is subjective, Eric. [00:32:36] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:37] Speaker C: You're not right or wrong. [00:32:38] Speaker A: Right now, where I stand, I have no idea how I'm getting that. 30 minutes back. I'm going to be on my deathbed and I'm going to be mad that I don't have 30 more minutes on this planet to watch. [00:32:49] Speaker B: Like Hogan's Heroes. [00:32:50] Speaker A: Hogan's Heroes for something like that. [00:32:53] Speaker C: This is so much better than any episode of Hogan's Heroes. So tell me. [00:32:57] Speaker A: Tell me why I should like this. [00:32:59] Speaker C: You shouldn't like it. You can like whatever you want. I shouldn't phrase it. [00:33:02] Speaker A: Tell me why you like it. [00:33:04] Speaker C: First, I'm going to share this really interesting observation from our listener who sent this. In some respects, it is quite apropos in that you, meaning this podcast and he, Vincent Price, serve a similar function. While you lot experience horror tales and comment after the fact in the show, Price experiences horror and comments concurrently with the telling of the tale. In most episodes, he is as much audience to the proceedings as we are. The one guy. I apologize for not knowing names, but he means you. Eric surely can't object to relaying horror in a relatable, sometimes personal, and sometimes corny fashion. This show included your own role before it existed. [00:33:52] Speaker B: Oh, that is interesting. What do you think? [00:33:54] Speaker C: The one guy. That's your new name. Hi, I'm Joshua. I'm Tim and I'm one guy. [00:34:01] Speaker A: I'll give you this. It is simple. It's a simple premise. There was no twist. It took, I believe, four and a half hours to get to the castle. There was a lot of, what am I gonna wear? And how am I gonna get out of this party? Going on for a long time before he actually sat down and had a conversation with a ghost. Which is the crux of this. Right? [00:34:23] Speaker B: I totally see now where our opinions diverge because I totally know that is your aesthetic and vibe of, like, there's a plot somewhere in here. We should get to it. And that I am like, oh, I'm sitting with Vincent Price and we're. He's just talking about parties and don't want to wear. I love all the dithering at the beginning. [00:34:42] Speaker C: The first half is my favorite. [00:34:46] Speaker A: All the dithering is so much dithering. [00:34:48] Speaker D: There's a lot of dithering. [00:34:50] Speaker C: Yeah, but it does. To pick up the point from our listener is it invites you into Vincent Price's world and sort of allows you to get comfortable with him and to feel like this is just a story about Vincent Price. And to some degree, I think it lulls you into this false sense of either security or anger. If you're that one guy, is this gonna get to any sort of supernatural ghost story? So I think it actually I could be wrong. Hides a little bit the fact that he's talking to a ghost. At first it took me a little bit to tweak that. I think once he gets into his story and we start going deeper into it, I realize, like, okay, this is a mysterious figure. This is going to have something to do with the house and everything. But when he first bumps into him in the dark and he also wants to be away from this party, he could be meeting a weird murderer. Well, he ends up being a weird murderer. You know, it's something creepy. But I didn't immediately go, oh, ghost. [00:35:57] Speaker B: I assumed as soon as he wouldn't shake his hand. Eh, ghost. [00:35:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:00] Speaker C: Even though he said, I don't have a hand. [00:36:02] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:36:03] Speaker A: Because I don't have a hand and won't. I don't drink. And I went, this is a ghost. He can't drink and he doesn't. Yeah. And I just. I knew immediately it was. And was just praying that it wasn't by the end, like, please give me something else other than. What it is, is that he's having a conversation with a ghost. [00:36:20] Speaker C: Do you think that's where the twist. I don't think that's where the twist is. [00:36:23] Speaker A: I don't think there is. [00:36:23] Speaker C: The show is very comfortable. [00:36:25] Speaker A: I don't think there is. [00:36:26] Speaker C: Zoom. It's a ghost. At whatever point you do, right? [00:36:29] Speaker B: Well, yeah. What made me enjoy it, and for me, all the aspects of it that were not just there for me to be delighted, it really establishes this is Vincent Price. You know Vincent Price. He's your buddy. He's a real guy. And then by the end, even though I know, like, plot beats, this guy's probably a ghost, by the end, I'm like, oh, my God. Vincent Price talked to a ghost. My buddy Vincent Price. That was the part that didn't impact for me was I was. I was so invested in Vincent Price as a credible narrator. [00:37:05] Speaker C: And I think that is the point of the opening half, is to establish him as a credible narrator. A narrator who does not want to be there. [00:37:13] Speaker B: That's what makes you believable. Are you at a party you don't want to be there? [00:37:16] Speaker C: Yes. So he's over the age of 45. Right away. You know that, right? No one over the age of 45 is at a party they want to be at. [00:37:26] Speaker A: No, there is my own birthday party. [00:37:30] Speaker B: You put maybe on the Facebook event. [00:37:32] Speaker C: Here's what hooked. [00:37:35] Speaker A: I would. [00:37:37] Speaker C: Here's what hooked me in, though. And this is something I had never heard expressed in anywhere. Else. It's a feeling I have always had ever since I started performing as a very young man. Is the idea that Vincent Price expresses at the top of like, I'm an actor. I get dressed up for a living. I have no desire to show up at a ridiculous fancy dress and I like performing. Ruined Halloween for me. I'm like, you're paying me to put on this ridiculous costume, then no thank you. Correct. [00:38:08] Speaker A: I have not done Halloween for 30 years because of being an actor. [00:38:13] Speaker B: What's your costume? I'm a guy wearing this shirt. [00:38:15] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:38:16] Speaker C: And when you are around other people in costumes, they're usually good costumes. You're not. How does he describe them? Like Paunchy Tarzan and Bibulous Archbishop or whatever. [00:38:25] Speaker A: Tell you what though, I carry a Chewbacca costume around in my car just in case you have 150 bucks. [00:38:31] Speaker B: I don't think that came across as you think it does. [00:38:34] Speaker C: I think it's came across exactly how he wanted it to. 150 bucks is 150 bucks. [00:38:40] Speaker A: Need me to perform? I'll throw something on, but unless you're paying me. Nope. [00:38:46] Speaker B: But to your complaint, like if there's more, if you're not on board with debonair, chatty, witty Vincent Price and there's a lot in here that's just going to be like white noise to you. [00:38:57] Speaker C: Oh, and I love the language in this, which I know Eric's like, oh, why didn't you say, look, ghost over there. [00:39:08] Speaker A: What did I call a Tarzan? Narrating it. [00:39:10] Speaker C: Paunchy Tarzan, the Tarzan of Fear. [00:39:13] Speaker B: That'd be so good. [00:39:16] Speaker C: But I love stuff like their asinine sniggerings, their barely conceived whisperings, their grotesque fondlings, the middle aged lovebird and her twittering young chick. Like, I just revel in that kind of ridiculous over the top language. And that's the other thing is this so sets the stage for that with Vincent Price. Like you accept that those are the circles he moves in is all people who talk like that. [00:39:40] Speaker A: Right? I agree with all that. I think it's well written. I don't mind any of that. [00:39:44] Speaker C: Don't back down. I absolutely guarantee that 80% of our audience agrees with you, so you don't have to back down. Not backing up, that is describing why. [00:39:51] Speaker A: I think if that was a book. Yeah, it's really interesting, well written. And then I had the book read to me by Vincent Price, which Tim is like, yay, that's exactly right. [00:40:01] Speaker B: He's my best friend. [00:40:02] Speaker A: But everything in this is nothing more than a book on tape. [00:40:06] Speaker B: It is true. It's a little weird, those moments, they step out and do a scene over summary. [00:40:12] Speaker C: Yes. Scene. [00:40:13] Speaker B: It's what breaks the realistic convention of we're having a conversation. Is that my description of this is so vivid you can actually hear my wife's voice. [00:40:21] Speaker D: Right. [00:40:21] Speaker C: I think it's a really effective jump scare. When we've switched from summary to scene of the ghost, I forget his name at the top of the stairs, and he's attacking the mirror and he cries out. And then it cuts to the owner of the Priory crying out, the owner, what are you doing? [00:40:41] Speaker A: The owner of the what? [00:40:42] Speaker C: The Priory. [00:40:43] Speaker A: See, the home. The house. [00:40:46] Speaker C: But it's a very specific type of house and era. And it was a house for clergy, I believe a Priory is. [00:40:55] Speaker A: And so they were having a drunken costume party for the clergy house. [00:41:00] Speaker C: That's where would you love to get. [00:41:02] Speaker B: Dressed up and party? [00:41:04] Speaker A: Well, we know that now. [00:41:07] Speaker C: Regret that one. [00:41:09] Speaker D: Oh, man. [00:41:10] Speaker B: So how often do you have to get the Chewbacca costume out when you're. [00:41:13] Speaker C: Driving by a Priory? [00:41:15] Speaker A: Every damn time. [00:41:19] Speaker C: I love double entendres or sexually suggestive lines done in high diction. I find it incredibly funny. And there is this one moment when the ghost is describing Luigi and how much he hates him. And he says it was not until he started planting his long paws. And then you're like, okay, funny joke. And then he goes obscene. And there's another long pause. Influence on the house itself. Well done, ghost. [00:41:53] Speaker A: Yes. [00:41:54] Speaker B: Now, have either of you played Luigi's mansion? [00:41:57] Speaker D: Many of you? [00:41:57] Speaker C: Yes, I have. [00:42:00] Speaker A: What is it? Is it a video game? [00:42:02] Speaker B: It's a video game. Is it featuring Mario's brother Luigi fighting ghosts in a mansion? [00:42:07] Speaker C: In a priory? [00:42:09] Speaker B: And by fighting, I mean vacuuming them up. [00:42:11] Speaker A: Nope. Never played it. [00:42:12] Speaker B: Inspired by this story. [00:42:14] Speaker A: Really? [00:42:14] Speaker C: No. [00:42:16] Speaker A: Is it better than this story? [00:42:18] Speaker B: It'd be better if it had Vincent Price in it. [00:42:20] Speaker A: Do you know what I've taken to doing, by the way? And I've lost my mind. There are people that are so good at video games that they record themselves going through everything really fast. I find that more satisfying than actually playing the game. And then I think, what am I doing watching this person play the video game? [00:42:37] Speaker C: Oh, playthroughs are extremely popular. [00:42:39] Speaker A: It's weird to me. Like, I'll catch myself. [00:42:41] Speaker B: Gratifying. I mean, if you. Especially if you. [00:42:42] Speaker A: Because I don't have to start over every 10 seconds because I die and you. [00:42:46] Speaker B: Like, I get to this cliff and I jump and I jump and I jump and I die and I die and I die just to watch a video of somebody jump, jump, jump, jump. [00:42:52] Speaker D: Perfect. [00:42:52] Speaker A: Fine. [00:42:53] Speaker B: Anxiety release. [00:42:55] Speaker A: Yeah. That's why I don't play video games. Or I go on and I find the cheat codes so invincible. Endless lives. I tell you what, Medal of Honor is really funny. You walk right up to Nazis, look them in the face, they keep shooting you. Nothing happens. [00:43:10] Speaker C: We know. [00:43:10] Speaker A: Oh, right, right. Back to this book on tape. So, yeah, so this guy, for 20 minutes, let me get this straight. Struggles with if he wants to go to the party or not, then he gets there and he talks to a ghost that we know. [00:43:27] Speaker B: He wanted to go party, got an invitation, didn't go. Some guy comes and begs him to. [00:43:33] Speaker C: Go, calls him in the middle of. [00:43:35] Speaker B: The night and then complains that he was on the phone in the middle of the night. Yes, they really gild the lily on. [00:43:43] Speaker A: This opening, which I love, I've listened to. Now we're 20 minutes into this podcast. [00:43:49] Speaker B: Right. [00:43:50] Speaker A: Something like that. [00:43:50] Speaker B: Something like that. [00:43:51] Speaker C: You feel that way. [00:43:52] Speaker A: Nothing to make me think that I don't hate this. And usually by this point, the two of you have got me to a point where I go, oh, I didn't think of it that way. [00:44:01] Speaker C: Well, no, there's no way you would love this if you don't love Vincent Price. [00:44:05] Speaker A: So I love Vincent Price. [00:44:07] Speaker C: Not like enough. [00:44:12] Speaker A: Apparently not. So, like, okay, I love Shatner and God only knows why, but fantastic actor. [00:44:19] Speaker B: I'd go to the wall for him. [00:44:20] Speaker A: Sure. [00:44:21] Speaker C: But an amazing comedian. [00:44:23] Speaker A: Sure, whatever. If it's terrible, I'm not gonna just say, well, it's Shatner. So I'm just on board just because I love him. Skylab, are you there? Is a great example of Shatner being terrible. And I couldn't sit there because it. [00:44:36] Speaker C: Wasn'T written to accentuate everything you love about William Shatner, the way this is written to accentuate everything that Tim and I love about Vincent Price. Vincent Price could not save Skylab. [00:44:49] Speaker B: That's true. [00:44:50] Speaker C: Can you hear me? Or whatever the heck it was called. [00:44:52] Speaker A: We've never been able to figure out. [00:44:53] Speaker C: The name of that. I always confuse it with. Tommy, can you hear me? [00:44:56] Speaker B: I was saying, Papa, can you hear me? [00:44:57] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. All the. Can you hear me? [00:44:59] Speaker B: Or Margaret, are you there? [00:45:00] Speaker C: It's me. [00:45:02] Speaker B: Got. No, that's not how that goes. [00:45:05] Speaker C: But what do you think of our listeners comment about. Set aside this particular episode, but sure. Price of Fear as a whole, that we are getting this sort of bonus commentary on these classic horror stories. By Vincent Price that he is. He is kind of doing a stealth horror podcast in the form of the Price of Fear. [00:45:27] Speaker A: I guess I see that. I'm not quite on board with that connection in the sense that he's a narrator of a story telling the story of how he talked to a ghost. Any narrator in that argument of a horror story is commenting then on a horror story. [00:45:46] Speaker C: Yeah. I think the difference is that Vincent Price is a personality. The way podcasters become. Right. And people get to know them, they're like, hey, that one guy hates price of beer. It's just part of their shtick. [00:46:00] Speaker A: I don't think. Maybe I'm not forgiving because he won't learn my name. [00:46:06] Speaker B: You bothered to learn his letter. [00:46:08] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I bothered to remember your name. [00:46:11] Speaker B: S. Specifically to the way Vincent Price comments on these stories. It's, for me, part of the entertainment that he is almost always only mildly flustered by horror. [00:46:26] Speaker C: Yeah. He doesn't bring any sort of moral perspective to the story beyond a little bit of like, oh, my God. Well, that's rude. [00:46:35] Speaker A: Oh, we're eating people. [00:46:37] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. Back to specialty. [00:46:39] Speaker B: I think I'm just gonna have my pie and leave. [00:46:42] Speaker C: Yeah. And he's personally creeped out by the experience at the Priory so that he will not return there. So creeped out that he would rather sit in the vulgarly designed hotel restaurant that is service packed with people. He's just disgusted by the presence of other human beings in this restaurant. [00:47:09] Speaker B: Maybe I like Vincent Price so much because I want to be Vincent Price. [00:47:12] Speaker A: You kind of are. [00:47:13] Speaker B: I kind of am. I don't like people. [00:47:15] Speaker A: You eat other people all the time. Don't mind it. The one thing that you love, priority parties. [00:47:24] Speaker C: You would have to enjoy guacamole with mayonnaise to be Vincent Price. [00:47:29] Speaker B: That jackass. [00:47:31] Speaker A: That was terrible. [00:47:33] Speaker B: I will never forgive my best friend, Vincent Price. [00:47:36] Speaker A: For those of you who don't know, I feel like Stan Lee smiling. [00:47:40] Speaker B: Stan, smile. [00:47:41] Speaker A: Anyway, you got to put a little thing on the bottom right now. See? Morals, episode 182 Where Did We Eat? [00:47:47] Speaker C: The Vincent Price 2021 Awards Show. [00:47:51] Speaker A: Okay. So you can go listen to that. And then you get this smile and. [00:47:55] Speaker B: Stan, we'll wait for you. [00:47:57] Speaker C: Are you back? Good. Let's move on. [00:48:01] Speaker B: Or you can guess what our reaction was to guacamole with mayonnaise. [00:48:05] Speaker C: The last thing I will say about this is, it is for sure Vincent Price that makes me enjoy this so much. But there's also a wit to the descriptions of various things. I love when he gets drawn back into the study to meet the ex wife of the ghost who's dressed as Titania. Titania who she is angry because she misquotes Shakespeare and makes short work of a very tall brandy or whatever he describes it. [00:48:34] Speaker B: And her like in a small handful of lines like that is a heck of a character that woman is playing. [00:48:40] Speaker C: Yes. Beautiful, broad, large strokes. [00:48:43] Speaker D: Yes. [00:48:45] Speaker C: So, you know, if you are not invested in character language and Vincent Price, then yeah, you're out. I totally acknowledge that. [00:48:57] Speaker B: Another way in which I plugged into this was when I was sort of shaking hands with this episode. [00:49:04] Speaker C: But he can't shake hands. That's right. [00:49:06] Speaker A: Oh, clever. [00:49:08] Speaker B: Struggling to shake hands with this handless episode. It became like, oh, this is a ghost story. Oh, this is just an old chestnut ghost story. I know what's happening. I know where I am. I know what's happening. I'm very happy and comfortable here. [00:49:22] Speaker C: Should we shock people with our votes? Yeah, sure. [00:49:26] Speaker A: To not put too fine a point on it and because there's no reason to just beat something to death. Obviously it's not my cup of tea. I didn't enjoy it at all. Not at all. Although I will say there's some great fun, wonderful descriptive writing that I think did like. But again, it was more like having a book read to me and nothing much really happened. [00:49:54] Speaker B: I really enjoyed this. Obviously I think it. It does not quite make my favorite Price of Fear, but that's not because this is not so great, but it's because the man who made it scenes is so good. [00:50:06] Speaker C: I quite like Specialty of the House too. [00:50:08] Speaker B: But it's. It makes me love the series as a whole even more just to know that there's another good old one in there. [00:50:15] Speaker C: Yeah, I think this is a great litmus test of an episode of the Price of Fear. I don't know that I would agree with our listener that this is one of the strongest of the series. But if you don't find at least a little something to enjoy in this, there's probably not a lot in the series as a whole for you to like. It's a test. [00:50:35] Speaker A: Yep, I agree with that assessment. Absolutely. [00:50:38] Speaker C: But it does have one of the things that I, we already mentioned it, but that I really love about the Price of Fear is that Price is always more interested in the aesthetics of the story. By that I mean the producers and writers are more interested in the aesthetic of the story as well. So we don't get a lot of heavy handed moral lessons. Which is interesting when you do something like a classic ghost story like this, where usually there is a pretty strong kind of moral, like somebody did something wrong. [00:51:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Just on paper, you think the moral is this guy was hoisted as a because he was so jealous and the actual nuts and bolts of his story are not really the point. [00:51:18] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, there is that great quip about how, like, we all deserve what we get. Something along those lines. And there's some truth in that that everyone does. You know, the ghost deserved the heart attack he got. Titania deserves a husband she can't trust. Cause remember, she rushes out of the study because she's lost track of where Luigi is and he's chasing somebody. Charlie's kind of a jerk. He deserves a haunted priory. And you know, Vincent Price deserves to have to eat in that ugly, ugly restaurant. So everyone has learned their lesson. Darn it. But I think this is not a classic of Old time radio. It's not a classic of Price of Fear, but I enjoyed it thoroughly. And if you love Vincent Price, it stands the test of Vincent Price. [00:52:05] Speaker A: Tim, tell him stuff. [00:52:06] Speaker F: Hey, go. [00:52:06] Speaker B: Visit ghoulishlights.com the excellent website that we have from the Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society here. You can find other episodes there, vote in polls, leave comments, link to our social media pages. You can also click on our threadless store, the link to that buy some swag or find our Patreon page. [00:52:26] Speaker C: Yes, go to patreon.com themorals and for goodness sake, support this podcast. It really helps us to continue, you know, doing this podcast. And in exchange you will receive all kinds of benefits. We have monthly happy hours where we get together on Zoom with our patrons. We do a semi monthly Mysterious Old Book club where we read a book and you guessed it, discuss that book together on Zoom. We have all sorts of bonus podcasts, Secrets of the Mysterious Old Radio, Cliffhangers of Doom. Besides the Mysterious Old Radio. Come on, stop being a cheapskate and join us. [00:53:08] Speaker A: And if you'd like to see us performing live, we do recreations and a lot of our own original audio theater live on stage. The Mysterious Old Radio Listening Society Theater Company produces shows monthly and you can find out where we're performing every month by going to ghoulishdelights.com or you can go to mysterious old radiolisteningsociety.com and there you'll see where we're performing and what we're performing this month. And if you can't be there, well, we film them. And if you're a Patreon, you get to watch it anyway. So if you're not from this area and you'd like to see it, just become a patreon. That's how you can see us doing shows. Right, right, right. I get all that. Right? [00:53:49] Speaker C: Yeah, sure. [00:53:51] Speaker A: 280 times. You think I'd be assured that I'm doing that right? [00:53:55] Speaker C: I would think so. [00:53:56] Speaker A: But what are we doing next? [00:53:58] Speaker B: Next is my choice for returning to the Adventures of Ellery Queen for an episode titled Number 31. Till then. [00:54:08] Speaker D: God help me. In the name of Christ, somebody help me. For God's sake, man. [00:54:15] Speaker E: Oh, my God. Charles. [00:54:16] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Vincent Price talked to a ghost. My buddy.